IHAO on ... Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery the Movie

In one week, Wrestlemania will be here!  So of course, we need to see what happened when Scooby-Doo visited Wrestlemania!!  Expect more wrestling reviews this week than normal, including a special tie-in PPV with this review, because WRESTLEMANIA!!!

On with the show!

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Oh jeez.  This ... this is one of those things that nightmares are made of.  Take an overexposed cartoon character, a different children's property, mash them together, free marketing and money for everybody!  Oh boy.  Ok, so let's tackle this one head(lock)-on.

So while playing WWE VIDEO GAME with Shaggy, Scooby unlocks a special extra bonus dance level.  Scooby then proceeds to perfectly dance his way to victory, earning him and his friends tickets to Wrestlemania, which takes place in WWE City.  WWE City, not Slam City mind you, is where all WWE things happen.  Ok, then you add Kane being crazy, John Cena being Superman, Sin Cara being flip-diculous, the Miz gets injured, a bunch of red herring characters, and a Ghost Bear.  There you go.

Of course, I'm going to avoid spoilers, so a lot of things I cannot talk about.  But I can say this movie stupid.  It has a complete lack of understanding in just about everything, from video games to wrestling to EMP to hypnosis to live audiences.  It is just ridiculous, and really only made for fans.

Obvious gif joke is obvious.

But that is all perfectly fine.  And you know that.  This was never going to be 12 Angry Men.  It was gonna be a cartoon dog running away from a cartoon electronic ghost bear that's trying to steal the WWE Championship belt.  And that said, it is sufficiently fun and silly.  There were a few jokes that were actually really good, the action isn't terrible, and until the culmination of the plot (which gets WAY crazy for NO reason) it really had a pretty interesting mystery happening.

Now, who the hell do I recommend this to?  Anyone?  I dunno.  Basically, if you are interested and go in knowing this isn't gonna be good, you'll be perfectly fine.  It doesn't do anything terrible, and it certainly doesn't stand out of the crowd.  But it is fun, and fine, and that's perfectly fine.

Grade: C

IHAO on ... The Muppets Most Wanted

The Muppet resurgence was a very nice thing for this Muppets fan.  I've loved them for a long time, own as much of it as I can, think deeply about thinks I don't need to (like with everything) and just genuinely enjoy them.  My favorite Muppet film was Muppets Take Manhattan, and my favorite show was Muppets Tonight!, which is underrated in my humble opinion.  Then we had Jason Segal's loving film bringing them back, which was wonderful.  Now, we have a sequel, without Segal.  How did that one go?

This movie does a whole lot of things right.  It is funny, the music is catchy, the plot is new and original.  I don't love it, but I like it a lot.  But ... all right, if you'll indulge me for a second, let me talk about basic story plotting.

Woah, hold one there.  Time to just scroll to the bottom for the grade.

When telling a story, especially film or television, you generally will have a A-story and a B-story, a major focus and a secondary focus.  The A-story is the crux of the film where the B-story generally ends up dovetailing into the A-story as well.  Lots of films do this with a plot and a character arc as the A-story then B-story, like Johnny English for whatever reason I pulled out a reference to THAT film.  With that quick explanation said, here is Muppets Most Wanted A-story and B-story:

A-Story: An evil frog named Constantine has replaced Kermit and is going around Europe stealing the pieces necessary to steal the ultimate treasure, the crown jewels, culminating in a fake wedding.

B-Story: Kermit is stuck in a Siberian Gulag with a bunch of new prisoner characters and has to find a way to escape, culminating in a Gulag version of the Muppet Show.

Does something feel off there?  The main story is about the antagonist of the film, Constantine.  We should be watching a story about Kermit trying to get back to his friends, who are all duped by Constantine because he hides his mole and gives them everything they want, hurting the show in the process.  Instead, we have all the Muppets looking like idiots for not being able to tell the difference between the two of them, and yes, that is the joke, except we also spend 3 or 4 minutes at the climax with Kermit being upset about it and asking how they could possibly have not known?

That bit of plot was tricky, too, because Animal DID notice it wasn't Kermit ... but because the A-story is about Constantine, they can't have people figuring it out too fast, so it is just ignored.  There's a lot of little quibbly bits of logic within the plotting.

My two other major problems are about the music and the new characters.  The music seems rushed, and given no weight.  Songs just start out of nowhere and then finish to no consequence.  We don't get to sit with the songs, which are very good and funny, so despite how much I liked them, they just breeze by and eventually just stop being there right at the end, except for a corny version of "Together Again" where they say "Together again ... again" treating the song like a joke.

The other problem is new characters.  Each muppet film has introduced new Muppets, new characters we can love.  Great Muppet Caper introduced Beauregard among others.  Muppets Take Manhattan introduced Rizzo the Rat and his rats as we know and love them currently.  Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island both created new Muppets that show up in the background of other projects.  Muppets From Space gave us Clifford (to the wider audience), Bobo and Pepe.  And The Muppets gave us Walter and 80s Robot.  In this we ... had a Kermit clone.  And that's it!  Nothing else.  If we had focused on the Kermit story instead of the Constantine one, we could have met all sorts of new prisoner Muppets, who Kermit befriends and brings into the fold, because that's what he does!  But nah, we just need more cameos.  Lots and lots of cameos.

The fact that Stan Lee, Cameo King, didn't show up is absolutely shocking to me.

For all my thoughts and complaints, the film is fun, funny, and very likable.  I find it to have a big glaring problem in its plotting, which harms the film in other places, but other than that, it was real fun.  I miss Segal's presence, not as an actor, but as a writer.  But other than that, I'd give it a shot, even knowing it isn't up to snuff in my opinion to what it clearly could have been.

Grade: B

IHAF ... Man in the Box

The internet is a magic place.  Not literally of course, because magic doesn't exist.  And no, I do not agree with or believe in the stupid technology=magic garbage that is in the Thor movies, and a bunch of other stuff.  I absolutely hate that garbage.  Let the two things be different!  They serve different purposes, narratively, and flavorfully.  Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

On the internet, there is a lot of great content.  A lot of pretty good content.  A lot of good content.  And a whole heap ton of absolute, complete and utter garbage.  Even among the great stuff, though, it is hard to sift through things.  This isn't like a good television show, which even the BAD ones had a million or so viewers.  This is about 30K or 40K views, a pretty relatively small number.  A number I'd kill for, certainly, but it isn't amazing or ground  breaking stuff.  And a lot of great content exists at that rate.  And Man in the Box is just that.

I Have a Favorite (Internet Show) ... Man in the Box

There aren't a lot of gifs of this to share with you all, but I can easily post a LOT of videos.  Because the Man in the Box crew created HUNDREDS of videos, all just a few minutes long, and almost all of them absolutely great.  The Man in the Box stuff is created by a comedian, Mike Polk, who has some internet celebrity of his own with other videos, such as the Cleveland Tourism video that I see pass around on Tumblr every now and again, or his One Semester of Spanish Spanish Love Song.

It stars his sketch comedy group, Last Call Cleveland, playing all the roles in an office job as Mike himself plays slacker/jackass Greg, a screw-up who hates his life, his job, and everyone around him, and is just trying to survive.  And from there, we reach the genius and great comedy of the show.  I find myself just indulging myself in more and more in short order, and you can sit through a good handful of them in the span it takes to watch a single episode of The League or something else that won't be nearly as funny.  Not only that, they have other little shows that are definitely worth your time on here as well, specifically Hangover Regrets and the Greg's Office Tormentors, which is just a talking heads quick Q&A in character with all the people in the Man in the Box show.

I highly suggest you take a look.  I embedded my favorite Man in the Box episode above, but I'll link to the channel RIGHT HERE, too.  Give it a chance, it is great comedic stuff.

IHAO on ... Prince Avalanche - READER REQUEST

Requested by Jason Schmidt

Prince Avalanche.  The title to a film that doesn't really have anything to do with anything that title could even begin to suggest.  Another indy drama.  Another film that is not generally my cup of tea.  I love reader requests!  I really do!  This is the kind of thing that I enjoy having to slog through, because I legitimately like finding more films and seeing what I like or hate.  And this ... I mostly like.

Prince Avalanche tells the story of a blue collar fella, Paul Rudd, and his girlfriend's brother, Emile Hirsch, who are working on cleaning and repainting the roads after a huge fire in 1987.  The two have a relationship that grows as we watch the course of these 8 days or so, and they get to know each other, go through difficult things, and all that.  The film is beautiful shot, and uses its landscape to help really push the overarching theme: things growing from the ashes.  Not just plants and animals and life continuing, but also society, family, and personal growth through difficulty.

This is a film that touches on a lot of topics, like solitude v. lonliness, pregnancy, loss, break-ups, cheating, anger, friendship, it touches on a lot of those ... just briefly.  It does a lot of things a very small amount.  It is very theatrical like that.  In fact, other than the very nice landscape cinematography, I wish this was a play.  It would be a much stronger presentation if it was.  There is nothing about this film that actually truly succeeds with it being a film.  We have two guys talking ... that's it.  We watch these characters grow and lie and come clean and be friends and get in fights and learn who each other are, with only two other characters that show up.  One of them is absolutely crazy and is the worst thing about the movie.  The other is pretty sweet and poignant, until she gets rolled up into the crazy terrible character.

I hate to say that the film doesn't need to exist.  I just wish it existed as a stage show.  It would be so much stronger, it would have so much more resonance that way.  Rudd and Hirsch both do very well, and help elevate a very basic script and very basic characters to something much more interesting.  But in the end, while I basically liked it, all I can do is ponder on its purpose, and wish a better medium for this style of storytelling was used.

No joke here.  Just a Paul Rudd gif for Paul Rudd's sake.

I can't really suggest it, as it is a mostly boring sit with occasional good acting beats thrown in.  But if you love Rudd or Hirsch, or are just really into this style of film, there are way worse out there, and I can suggest this one to you.

Grade: B

IHAO on ... Major Payne

Damon Wayans is a funny dude.  In Living Color, he is hilarious.  And in this movie he is funny.  And ... ok, so I haven't seen a lot of Damon Wayans.  I'll fix it, because I do genuinely enjoy watching him perform and become his characters.  He reminds me of his In Living Color sketch-mate, Jim Carrey.  He creates a character, and inhabits that character.  And this movie would not have worked at all if Wayans wasn't so good at doing that.

Major Payne tells the story of a balls-to-the-wall killer Marine who unfortunately is not stable enough to become a higher ranking officer, and the way wars are waged are caging around him, becoming diplomatic, and leaving a man who finds combat his life awash without a place to be.  So he is forced into retirement, where his commanding officer finds him a new job: running the JROTC of a boarding school.  From there, we see Payne, in his unique way, help these kids.

This isn't Dead Poet's Society.  This isn't a standard feel good film.

This telling of the Little Engine That Could quickly becomes a shared PTSD experience.

This movie makes straight Apocalypse Now references and the character of Payne is unrelenting.  And while he hasn't dealt with children, we learn he has dealt with cadets, and knows what he is doing.  And he is right, and although his harsh hand gets softened a little over the course of the film, he never stops being Payne, merely goes through some character growth as a new phase of his life begins.

This movie is very good.  As far as children's films are concerned, it is actually probably a little too harsh for some parents to let their kids view, and that's kind of the point.  This film is not an easy one, just like Payne is not an easy man, but it does have a heart and it does teach the right messages.  Beyond that, it is very funny, with a lot of pathos, and is shot very well.  It culminates in a standard family film kind of way, which could be detrimental for some viewers, but if you buy into the genre itself, I think you'll find it fine.

The movie does everything it sets out to do, and I feel it exceeds its goals.  Though when it came out, and even now, it is received mostly negatively, which is shocking to this critic.  I definitely would urge any of you with a chance to check it out again.

Grade: A

Trailer Trash - Hercules; Maleficent; The Giver; The Maze Runner; The Signal

Welcome everyone to another installment of TRAILER TRASH!  I had to do this because ... well ... you'll see, best for last.  But first, lemme open up my Trailer Addict app and start check out the new stuff!

The Maze Runner

Holy crap, why haven't I heard of this before?  Apparently it is a best seller, and it looks flipping great.  Take the Cube, Hunger Games, Running Man, and big ole standard epic fantasy, and smash it all together, and that's what this movie looks like!  The visuals are so vibrant and green, and then so scary and dark, it just has me feeling really good ... except that I can't name a single actor I saw.  While that isn't necessarily a BAD thing, it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence on the acting.  But I'm super interested in what I saw, and fill hopefully give it a shot in theatres as soon as I can.

Verdict - TREASURE

Maleficent

Taken me awhile to get to this one.  Angelina Jolie gives the Sleeping Beauty story, and Disney's (current) most popular villain, another version of the Once Upon a Time or Wicked twist.  The effects are super CGI-y, and all actors seem to take third or fourth seat to Jolie's lead and the CGI.  This is not a film made for me, and I know that.  But it looks even worse to me than normally these kinds of things do.  I'm unwilling to completely through it under the bus, but for now, I'm hesitant ... at best.

Verdict - HESITANT

The Giver

Oh no.  I didn't like this book when I had to read it before.  But maybe the film version will be better.  Lemme watch it now before I start going to far in on my thoughts on it.

...

Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges, plus Katie Holmes.  That is enough for me to give up right now.  Take that, and then add in the ... ok, this'll sound weird, and perhaps this is unfair because of the way adaption works, but for this film to be so happy bright shiny in the early parts ... doesn't that defeat the purpose?  When I read it, and what I remember, it was a world of grey and black and white, and color was a big deal, wasn't it?  Am I not remembering that right?  Well, whatever.  I liked the music, didn't like anything else I saw, and know I don't like the source material.  I couldn't trash this faster.

Verdict - TRASH

The Signal

Intriguing.  A sci-fi thriller about inability to understand whats going on, aliens (maybe), monsters (maybe), big guns, Laurence Fishburne in a hazmat/space suit, and weird super obviously indy-styled memory sequences.  I dunno what to make of it, but the visuals are amazingly cool, and I'm very interested in seeing a second trailer.

Verdict - TREASURE


AND THE REASON FOR THE SEASON ...

Hercules

The Rock fighting a bunch of monsters.  Let me say that again, just in case you misunderstood me ... ahem ...

THE ROCK FIGHTING A BUNCH OF MONSTERS!  BIG OLE LIONS AND BOARS AND MULTI-HEADED SNAKES AND ZOMBIES AND SPARTAN ARMIES!  I wanna see this movie real bad.  Actually showing the 12 Labors (which is my guess, though I'm unsure) looks incredible.  This film is based on a pretty recent best selling graphic novel version of the 12 Labors, anyway, so whatever the real story here is, I'm stoked.

Not only for that, but it does a LOT of things the fantasy genre does real well, like setting scope.  And no, not stupid bird's-eye swooping around New Zealand scope.  I'm talking enormous temples to Athena, big ole swamps, huge armies, big ole caves!  A lot of this stuff is practical (you can very much tell, AND there are pictures of the practical sets all over the internet) which is mindboggling, in that Conan the Barbarian kind of way.  I'm super excited.

Verdict - TREASURE

Not a bad haul!  I love feeling excited for the summer films, because for the last year or so I haven't been excited at all.  This year is looking real real good.

The Trailer Park

The Maze Runner

Maleficent

The Giver

The Signal

Hercules

IHAO on ... Ocean's Thirteen

This movie is dumb.  And it is pretty fun.  And the characters are much more interesting, with more interesting beats and things to do.  And it makes sense.  And the con is cool, believable, and action packed.  Overall, this movie is way better than I expected.  I expected to rant and rave about all the stupid, but in the end, this movie was actually semi-thrilling and pretty good.  Pacino was a great addition to the cast, and Ellen Barkin was just wonderful.  Both were great.  Really, everyone was better and more interesting.  Hell, even Clooney showed some emotion finally in a lot of the scenes.

The plot this time around: One of the originals has a heart attack as he is being screwed out of a big casino build with Pacino, who is completely evil all the way through.  So the gang tries to find a way to get revenge, which is not a good business to be in as a thief.  They have to go through so many hoops and obstacles, but ultimately succeed, and even screw over Andy Garcia (villain from the past two films) one more time.

The script was a lot tighter this time around, and it gave a lot of great moments of levity and interest for our characters, such as Casey Affleck and Scott Caan in the interest of screwing with the dice for the casino at the manufacturing end up starting a revolution and getting the workers better work rates just because they can't help but do what is right there.  All the characters were indeed that, characters, with multi-facets and interesting problems to overcome as they try to pull of this almost impossible heist.

Heh, thought I'd use Star Wars didn't ya?  Neverending Story!!

Sure there, is still some stupid, like an AI security system that gathers more information than 100,000 Library of Congresses, including reading peoples faces, heart rates, sweat, and pheromones to tell if they cheated or genuinely won.  It was all pomp just to make things seem harder, as they overcame that super easy, and that wasn't the real threat anyway, which was great.  The threat was the size of the task ahead of them, which truly felt like they needed 13 people to accomplish.

All the hate I lathered on the previous two, I'd rewatch this one.  It was more fun and more interesting.  It isn't a masterpiece or anything, but it was enjoyable, which is more than I can say for the first two films.

Grade: B

IHAO on ... Ocean's Twelve

I hate it.  Roll credits.

No, no, I promised myself I would try my hardest to not do cop out reviews.  I hate these self-gratifying, jack-offery terrible lowest common denominator bullcrap movies.  This movie is about the dumbest, most boring, most asinine thing.  It is one of those movies that I WISH was shot worse, so I could just give it an F.  It isn't an F.  It is just stupid, and no one is really caring about acting at all in any kind of "doing a good job" way, just a picking up a paycheck way.  Ok, Matt Damon has a character, in that he's nervous.  There you go.

Plot this time around: Ocean's Eleven, now known by that, are ratted out to the guy they stole the money from (even though there is no conceivable way that the rat could have possibly known about at LEAST two of them), who then threatens them with a vague threat that we just have to assume means something, because the movie IMMEDIATELY becomes an entirely different thing about two other famous thieves and doing a "long-con" because that term was described in the beginning of the movie.  And they succeed by looking like they fail in the largest way possible, including a HOLOGRAPHIC EGG ... a three-dimensional, fully colored, holographic egg that malfunctions constantly so the audiences can see that the obviously fake egg is indeed obviously fake, but no one ELSE sees the stupid malfunctions and glitches ... ugh ...

OH!  OH!!  And Julia Roberts plays herself!  And Topher Grace plays a really fake version of himself that doesn't make any sense!  And this MOVIE IS STUPID AND I HATE IT SO MUCH AND I HAVE TO WATCH ANOTHER ONE STILL AUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Movie is shot fine.  Is incredibly stupid.  It is edited incredibly badly, leaving in stupid long mumble senses and stare-at-each-other-in-a-circle scenes.  Ugh.  No one cares.

Grade: C--- (I pray that the next one is bad enough I can fairly give it a D, because I want to give these movies grade W for being so terrible.  W being even further down the alphabet).

#IhatetheOceanmovies

IHAO on ... Ocean's Eleven

Ocean's Eleven is a heist film.   A modern remake/reimagining of the original rat pack film, Ocean's 11.  This time around, Ocean gets out of prison and comes up with a heist to take a whole heap of money from a casino on the night of a boxing match.  He gathers the characters together, and then they do it, with a few twists and turns where it looks like things go wrong except it is all exactly as planned.

This movie is not good.  It isn't terrible or anything, but it fails in a lot of really important ways:

1. The characters are terrible, boring, not fleshed out, and ultimately uninteresting.  Everyone fits a niche or a caricature (or even worse when it comes to "black guy who works at casino and is black" played by Bernie Mac) or EVEN WORSE, is a terrible terrible TERRIBLE accented black "British" man played by Don Cheadle.  I mean really, were Robbie Gee or Lennie James busy?  Oh, they weren't famous enough for you Soderbergh?  Ok.  All of that little rant was speculation by the way.  Regardless, every character here is limp, lifeless, and unfulfilling, with the only "interesting" traits shown being ones that are 100% for a plot point later one.

2. The plotting is dull, lacking any real tension, with everything just being played coyly with a flippant Clooney smile.  They don't even try to hide big plot reveals, like the fact that Brad Pitt (who we heard just a few minutes earlier on a telephone) is the faceless guardsman who we hear over a relay.  HE SOUNDS THE SAME, YOU GUYS, WE CAN TELL IT IS HIM.

3. For a heist film, this is a really tame and boring scenario.  Rob one casino, with 11 people, over the course of two weeks, all shown in a 2 hour long film.  I've seen better, more intricate, more exciting episodes of Leverage, with only 5 people to it.  Or Burn Notice, with 3.  Want movies?  Try 3000 Miles to Graceland.  Or Tower Heist.  Or Snatch.  Or Ocean's 11, the original one, that was about robbing FOUR casinos in one night.

There is nothing special or interesting about this standard buncha-crunch of celebrities all mixed together to make a really good paycheck.  This is a popcorn film, pure and simple.  Lowest common denominator.  And while for some people, that gives it a pass, for me, it actively angers me as a viewer of film.  If you treat audiences like they are idiots, they will ... pay even more money to see the sequel, and even more for the next one.  Ugh.  What a world.

Grade: C--

IHAO on ... The Five-Year Engagement

First off, this is the most mis-marketed poster ever.  Oh yeah, this movie comes from the folks that made Bridesmaids, the raunchy woman romance comedy.  And that chick from Community is in it, and that guy from Parks and Rec!  Wooooo!

No.  NO.  This movie is a drama, with sprinkled bits of humor.  It is not raunchy, at all.  It is also not the style of comedy of Bridesmaids at all.  AT ALL.  This is also nothing like Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  NOTHING.  Forgetting Sarah Marshall is touching, and sweet, and hilarious, and memorable.  And this is ... a little funny, a little interesting, and basically unmemorable, though the more I sit here and talk about it with my roommate, the angrier it makes me.  We just watched the movie.  JUST watched it as I am writing this at 3:30 in the morning.  And we cannot remember either of the lead characters' names.

In this film, two successful people in a relationship have to make hard life decisions as they go through their engagement and more and more life things get in the way.  Also, they communicate very poorly and are surprisingly spiteful all throughout act 2.  Also, the comedy part of the dramedy is merely some chuckles here and there.  And characters quite literally telling the funny parts to stop being funny.

17 seconds of the movie that proves my above point.  Oh wait, I'm supposed to be less on the nose with these comments.  The film should also have been less on the nose, like all the time.  

The movie has a lot of real simple writing for plot, because what it wants you to do is feel for the characters and to know the characters.  A noble endeavor, but ultimately makes the film feel weak and having no bite to it.  There's no meat to sink into, just a lot of mushy drama.  I am almost willing to call it melodrama.  Here's an example of weak plot to create the melodrama (I decided it is melodrama): Emily Blunt's character doesn't get into the grad school of Berkley she wants, but does get into Michigan State.  Of course, why the hell does she apply to Michigan State at all when she lives in San Fransisco and wants to presumably stay in the area?  Well, you see, that's the problem; you cannot argue Michigan at all, or else it unravels the whole film like one of Chris Parnell's sweaters.

The film is filled with these little plot problems.  Little convenient writing spots of easy writing, like the villain is not actually villainous in the slightest but he is treated villainously anyway, or that a grandparent dies every time someone says "no one is going to die" or something like that.  This movie just doesn't do anything terrible, and is well acted, but it certainly doesn't push itself beyond being average.  I think for a romantic film, a lot of people might really enjoy it.  But I found it hokey, melodramatic, and ultimately unearned emotionally.

Grade: C

IHAO on ... Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Love The Bomb - READER REQUEST

Requested by Melanie Jessel

Ah, Stanley Kubrick.  What an individual to talk about, here on a blog where I review film and other such things.  The original OCD extreme director.  The man whose vision was the most important aspect of his craft.  The man with a bunch of big ole important movies to his name, like The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, Lolita, and other stuff.  And a man I have found in my film viewing to be incredibly overrated.  I do not care for this man.  But, with a request to do, especially one from my wife, I had to give it a shot, and I will ALWAYS give a film a fair chance.  So what did I think?

Meh.  Actually, a little worse than "meh." I actively found this film to be of no consequence.  There was nothing in it that I found to be noteworthy, exceptionally good or bad, or even just entertaining.  It isn't shot in any particularly interesting way.  Hell, I would even say it isn't shot in a good way.  It is just shot.  It is like looking at a scrapbook when you should be looking at a professional photographer's portfolio.  There should be skill here, but it is just ... look at a thing.  The film badly needed an editor and some other shots to fill things out.  But what is it about, beyond just the fact that it just isn't made great, or even good in my opinion.

Ok, so it's the Cold War.  A bomber gets sent a message to take down a Russian city with its nuke by a general who went stir crazy.  Then you watch as the higher ups all try to figure out a way to stop the bomber.  They don't, but it does bomb a different target, which causes the war to go for reals and everyone dies.  Oh, and the pilot of the bomber is the texan with the cowboy hat who is in all the famous pictures of the film.

The worst part about this movie is that it tries and fails to be a comedy.  Or darkly humorous.  Or even humorous at all.  There are points where they were trying to be funny, like the long drawn out conversations on the phone between the president and the Russian prime minister who is insecure ... but it just doesn't work.  It just doesn't do what it is supposed to do, which is put a humorous or even satirical spin on the cold war.

The movie just ... is.  It merely exists.  It is trying to do things, but nowhere near hard enough to actually come anywhere close to succeeding.  I don't hate this movie.  I don't like it either, mind you, but I don't hate it.  But it isn't anything I could call good.  It doesn't fail, getting the big F from me, merely because it isn't incompetent in its storytelling.  It is just uninteresting.

Grade: D

IHAO on ... The Real Husbands of Hollywood

The show opens with a poop joke.  A bird pooping in Kevin Hart’s mouth.

Don’t let that stop you though, because this show is ridiculous and pretty daggum funny.  Problem is with a good comedy, I can’t just list off great jokes they did, like Kevin Hart making the sound of a dove crying then being upset that he didn’t go to Prince’s house.  That doesn’t translate without watching the show.   I dunno how to talk about this show.  Uh … ok, Wikipedia style.

Ok, so Nelly, Robin Thicke, Nick Cannon, a guy I recognize but don’t remember his name, two other guys, and Kevin Hart are parodying Real Housewives.  And Kevin Hart is doing exactly what makes him hilarious: too much swagger, gets beat down to size.  These guys are playing fictionalized versions of themselves and have no shame, which is wonderful.

The actual schtick of the show is watching manchild Kevin Hart, fresh off a divorce, trying to keep his swagger in front of all his friends who do not care and are just living life fine.  At least, it starts that way, as he is riding a big career high.  It quickly gives everyone equal time.  It is a pretty fantastic parody of the show, and is genuinely hilarious.  Check it out on Netflix.

IHAF ... Angel

IHAF is exactly what it seems like … ok, maybe it isn’t the easiest to decipher acronym.  It stands for “I Have a Favorite.”  The purpose of these little articles is so I can talk about other things that I love.  I try to keep IHAO to my first true impressions on things to review, but IHAF will let me chat about something I absolutely love and just want to share with you all.  Everything I talk about on an IHAF will be something I grade A+++.  With all that said, here we go …

I Have a Favorite (television show) ... Angel

For the past few weeks, I’ve been going from episode one through the entire show with my wife, who hadn't seen any of it other than an episode here or there on syndication.  We just finished season 3.  It is always a little hard to share something you love with someone you love, because if they don’t like it … well, that doesn’t matter, because she likes it a lot.  :D

Angel is the spin-off from Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  It became its own show very quickly without Buffy, though, and a stronger one, in my opinion.  The show starts as a take on a “dark avenger” Batman style hero, with Angel helping save people from the dark things in LA.  It slowly starts to delving into deeper ideas, though, as the line between what is “evil” and what is “good” gets blurred.  In the first episode we are introduced to a villainous law firm of humans, sure, but most already are fine with the conceit of evil lawyers.   But soon, we find demons who need saving, humans who aren’t what they seem, and Gunn, a man who is just as powerful and competent as our vampire protagonist.

It quickly became a very character driven, arching story show that never held anything back.  The arching stories are amazing, and the show never shied away from doing something difficult and letting characters go through difficult journeys.  I love the show, absolutely.

We are actually about to get into my least favorite season with my least favorite new season regular, which is what prompted me to talk about Angel.  Even at the lowest point of my favorite show, I am remembering all the things I love even in those terrible low points.  At Angel’s lowest, it is still stronger than most shows.  I compare it to shows like Supernatural or Buffy, and it shocks me to see how little fluff or pure episodic episodes there are.  Every story, every episode, it has a point and a purpose furthering the plot and the arcs of these characters.  Fred, Gunn, Cordy, Wesley, Angel, Lorne, all of these are full fleshed out characters.  They never become flanderized, like Sam has in Supernatural or Charlie has in It’s Always Sunny in Philedelphia.

How should I feel?  I'll just do all the feelings and see which one sticks.

Talking about how good a Whedon show is may seem pointless, but I really do think that Angel doesn’t get enough attention when it comes to being an amazing show.  Buffy, while good, even possibly great, never delved into the story strengths that Angel did, and its characters were nowhere near as full and complex.  Firefly, while fun, is basically a series of standalones since it did not have a chance to get going.  Dollhouse, while very very good, also didn’t hit its stride until it got rid of its episodic nature, which it never could truly shake.  If Angel has missed your radar, I definitely would suggest you give it a look.

IHAO on ... new Furniture

Sorry for the absence last weekend.  Stuff came up, and getting a bank put together is not possible when binge watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia in the hopes you can talk about the next seasons in depth like you thought you were going to when you wrote this article and ... it is just always the same ... it never ends or changes ... except for Day Man.  :)

Ah-AH-aaah!

I was quiet all last weekend because of an at home project: making my wife feel more at home in our little townhouse.  Not to say we hated it or it was bad or anything.  But there are just little things that happen as you move into a place that take a lot of time.  We have lots of things set up, but it wasn't until this weekend that we finally got all the furniture and shelving to get the books and films unpacked we own.  And not only that, we got to finally put together a little area of the living room just for my wonderful lady.  It isn't done yet, but it is getting closer.

To accomplish this task ... I had to put together furniture.  3 pieces in particular: a leaning backless bookshelf, a more permanent bookshelf for behind the couch, and my big ole DVD collection shelf.  Didn't fit everything, we are gonna need to get another, but it fits about 66% which ain't bad at all.

Truer words ... 

Putting together these furniture pieces is a stressful, painful, and ultimately rewarding experience.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.  I got blisters created and ripped open from the daggum new screwdriver, a head cold from all the dust and wood shavings, and killed my back and knees.  Put part of the bookshelf/table/whatever for the couch, put part of it on backwards, so had to rip it apart and do it again.

 But it is worth it.  All the pain, the blood, the sweat, the cursing, the making the dogs upset, the vacuuming, the sleeping on the couch so I don't wake up my wife during the night once I get done, the headaches, the Always Sunny in Philadelphia on repeat, the holes ripped in shirts, the money spent, the meals skipped, the lost time to be doing things like writing more for this site, the missing opportunities to see films and review them, the neverending mindnumbing pain of knowing there was something else I could be doing with my time other than sitting on the floor trying to figure out which piece is "F" and which piece is "N" and why the "P" piece isn't shaped like the black and white picture says it is and the searching for the dropped wooden dowels that never really amount to much and the trip to target to buy a new screwdriver, you know the one I said ripped open my middle finger earlier?, yeah that one, and then coming home and ripping open my finger, then finding the old screwdriver ... All of that is worth it.  Because I can FINALLY find all my movies.

And my wife is happy.  Yeah, that too, I guess.

IHAO on ... WWE Slam City

I’ve been loving having the WWE Network.  I haven’t loved its execution on the X-Box, but I can watch on my tablet, and they are getting things fixed on the X-Box.  I’ve loved watching NXT, old episodes of Smackdown and Raw, and the Countdowns, as well as PPVs that aren’t edited to high heaven because Chris Benoit is in them.  But just recently, the WWE added a new show that blew me away: WWE Slam City.

These are 4 minute stop-motion cartoon shorts, staring the wrestler characters (voiced by other folks) as they go about they normal-ish lives in Slam City after they are fired from wrestling.  The cartoons themselves are Looney Tunes meets wrestling meets Wallace and Gromit.  They are absolutely fantastic!  From a wrestling perspective, they are not forcing themselves down heel/face lines to write their stories, which is excellent, though some characters are more naturally gonna be bad guys.  And little jokes are hidden all through out, like CM Punk running the ice cream shop in Slam City.

They have released 4 shorts so far, and I am unsure of how quickly more will be added, but the four given are all great.  One sets up the show, with a new figure, the Finisher, firing everyone so they have to make a living doing other things.  And the other three set the tone for how the each episode will go: see a wrestler in their new environment, a second wrestler shows up with a gripe of some kind, they fight, jokes.  Perfect!

I cannot wait to see WWE Legends show up!

Even better than that, you can watch them now even without the WWE Network (which you SHOULD have anyway, btw).  They are distributed all over the place, with two big ones being their youtube channel, and the WWE Slam City website (which at the time of me typing this is not currently up, but you can go to WWESlamCity.com to check for yourself).  Check em out, I think you’ll love em, whether you like wrestling or not.

Trailer Trash: Sin City A Dame to Kill For; Annie; Oculus; Loveship Hateship; the Double

Welcome back to Trailer Trash!  In these articles, I use my Trailer Addict app to watch some new trailers (or at least new to me), and give my quick thoughts on the films, the trailers, and a gauge of excitement for them.  Let's get going!

The Double

I am a Darren Aronofsky fan.  And this film is very reminscent of an Aronofsky film from what I've seen.  It is directed and written by that guy from the IT Crowd that everyone likes.  The one with the glasses.  And this thing is weird and funny and dark and crazy and all sorts of neato bandito.  Really, my only complaint is that the films color palette looks really over-produced.  

The schtick from what I can discern is a meek and weak-willed dude is working at a job, but no one cares about him or listens to him.  Then an EXACT double gets hired, but this double is incredibly confidant and kind of a dick hole.  And from there ... gosh, I have no clue.  So many things and images and lines happen, but how they patch together I couldn't begin to tell you.  I like what I see though.

Verdict - TREASURE

Oculus

Karen Gillan horror film, wee ha!  Katee Sackoff horror movie, too!  Double wee ha!  And it is a WWE Studios film, too!  Gotta see this one in theatres!  PUMPED!

And what is it about?!  Time travel demon mirror crazy illusion makes-you-eat-a-light-bulb-instead-of-an-apple-by-"accident" awesome stuff!  I'm super stoked for this one, for a billion reasons, and the most important one being it looks like a crazy cool scary film.

Verdict - TREASURE

Annie

Oof.  I am not a fan of this musical.  And we get a brand new one for this Christmas.  Well, open mind, let's see ... 

Oh god.  Ok.  So it looks to be a modernized, race swapped, super-modernized, talking about stupid facebook jokes and naming Jamie Foxx Mr. Stacks (you know, because that is the modern cool version of Daddy Warbucks) and Cameron Diaz is the bad orphanage person except she's just a foster mom I think and ... wow.  This looks like a (potential) trainwreck.  Oh, and Jay-Z and Will Smith put it together.  That is a combination for some ... I dunno.  I bet this movie will do real well in theatres, but it makes me want to bang my head against a glass wall until my brain is exposed.

Verdict - TRASH

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Loved the first one (for the most part).  Love this particular story in the Sin City mythos.  And it includes two brand new stories, and another amazing Marv story.  I got nothing bad to say ... except that the Jessica Alba focused story will probably be the worst one.  I'm crazy excited for this film.

Verdict - TREASURE

Hateship Loveship

The title alone makes me wanna puke.  It is a shortened version of the original short story's title "Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage" which I don't hate nearly as much.  But let's give this one a fair shake too.

Ugh.  What saccrine rom-com-drama garbage.  Bait and switching from drama to comedy to whatever tired jumbled mess this thing actually is.  They do say the name of the short story in the trailer, which makes me wonder why they even bothered not calling it by its full original title.  Everyone already knows how a movie like this is going to go no matter if you put "marriage" in the title or not.  Here, you know what, this is the only piece of information from the trailer you need to know: Kristen Wiig makes out hardcore with a mirror.  That's it.  That's all you need to know.  I pray that I don't have to see this movie for real.

Verdict - TRASH

That's all for me this week!  Take a look at any of these trailers that interest you in the trailer park below.  Buh bye!

THE TRAILER PARK

The Double

Oculus

Annie

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Hateship Loveship

BONUS!  Jimmy Fallon's exclusive Transformers: Age of Extinction trailer

IHAO on ... Pokemon Y - the Perfect Team

You been watching Twitch Plays Pokemon?  You should, it is amazing.  It makes me wanna play pokemon again.  So I picked up my 3DS and started going for reals on Pokemon Y.

Finding the right balance of fun, effectiveness, and coolness factor in a Pokemon team is both the best and worst thing about the game.  It’s why I generally prefer doing Nuzlocke runs, that force me to use a team as I find them.  Heck, you can see on here a series of episodes that I recorded doing a Nuzlocke run of Emerald.  I'll have to do that again at some point, those were fun to edit together as little short episodes.

But yeah, nuzlocke runs, or specific runs based on things I breed, like my future runs which will be all Bears, all Fighting Types, and all Eeveelutions.  Bears will be the best, btw.  But none of that matters on the FIRST run, which is about finding the coolest ‘mon around to use.

Thinking about types is always hard.  I didn’t play Gen V, so some great pokemon never got to be in my team.  And I disliked the actual gameplay of Gen IV, so I didn’t get to use some of those wonderful ‘mon either.  But I’ve spent my time, I’ve worked hard, and I got my team … kinda.

First rule of teams for me: naming convention for nicknames (88% of the time).  It has always been so much fun to find a great way to get everyone working together.  Some of my favorite Nuzlocke runs have been with everyone named after Greek Gods, or Condiments, or Pizza toppings, or just Colors!  This game, I went with Seasonings! 

Bam!  Patrat used Sweet Scent!

Of course, you get your starter.  I went with Chespin [name: Thyme], because he’s the coolest Grass starter there’s ever been.  Believe dat.  But that said … I may shelf him.  I’m not into Grass-types, and he just might end up feeling like dead weight if another good thing comes along.  I’m not sure it’ll happen, but it is possible.

Now we start filling out the team.  I have an Inkay [name: Soy Sauce], was a MUST have for me.  He is awesome sauce.  I wanted a Bunnelby [name: Cinammon] real bad, but she slowly is getting outclassed and is current just HM muscle, which makes me sad, but I’m not sure what’ll happen with her yet.  I was using a Scraggy [name: Garlic] because I love the little guy, but with both his types in two others on the team, I decided to save him for the all Fighting team.  That allowed for a Hawlucha who is AMAZING … but I always want to save him for the Fighting team.  Then I found a Golett [name: Tamuz] who is just the greatest little rolly-polly addition to the team, especially since I have learned that when he evolves he can learn Fly!  I’ve been using Amaura the fossil, but I wasn’t allowed to nickname him, and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to last the run on the team, but for now he’s sticking around, and if I can get to the Name Rater, he’ll get a new name: “Icing.”

And I just recently got the rare member of the team I was searching for: Mawile [name: Rosemary].  She took me an hour and a half of grinding in the stupid Glitter Caves, but I got her!  Steel/Fairy makes me a happy happy camper, and is a huge upgrade from Flabebe who just didn’t do it for me.

Now I am searching for the Good Rod (it is just a little further in the playthrough) so I can get myself a Skrelp, nickname yet to be determined.  It means I still have one or two slots left to fill, but it’ll be pretty solid from there.  I’ll wait to see if I’m surprised by anything awesome as I play, but I’m happy with where I am, and the journey of getting this team together is great.

So far, so good.  We’ll see how the whole thing comes down as we continue on to beat the Elite 4!

If anyone would like to trade around or just be Poke-Pals, btw, here’s me Friend Code: 4613-7755-2772

IHAO on ... Dredd

Dredd is based on the comics 2000 AD, which center around the cop Judge Dredd who acts as judge, jury, and executioner in the future that is now our past.  The movie does a good job of not mentioning the 2000 AD part.  And I’ve been wanting to see this movie for months!  Finally got the chance.  The actual plot schtick is that a psychic rookie is being taken on a one day assignment with Dredd.  They go and check out a triple homicide, but instead end up caught in a huge drug and gang war, trapped inside an enormous apartment building. 

The movie is very good.  For a shoot ‘em up action flick, it is really really good.  Lots of great acting, lots of great special effects, every scene is made to look colorful and distinct, which is great because most of the time these kinds of things could become samey looking.  Karl Urban does a fantastic job without ever showing his eyes.  The plot has a nice little complication without actually being a twist, just a further upping of the ante.  It is all really good.

Then why don’t I like it more?

Movie gives you everything you want and you still don't like it, huh, idiot reviewer?

I don’t know.  I really can’t put my finger on why I don’t just absolutely love this flick.  The CGI blood throughout most of the movie, and the CGI drug effects are very good for being CGI, and I really don’t have any complaints.  I just don’t love it.  It was a perfectly fine film.  I’d wager that the movie itself doesn’t realize its full potential for tension and just kind of cruises along at a very good action film pace, but could have really been something special if it had cranked up tension.  

There was a lot of “competence porn” in this film, watching a Judge who is very good at his job be very good at his job.  But because the stakes stayed so high, to watch him be confident meant that the tension actually never got to high, such as on a double cross which he immediately figured out.  Or how when the rookie cop is captured, they immediately take away all the threat of anything really bad happening to her.  For good reason, mind you.  It isn’t like it is bad, it is very good.  It just doesn’t propel itself to greatness, and isn’t that special thing I would have loved it to be.  It is instead a great action flick I really like.  No more, no less.

Grade: A

IHAO on ... EVERYTHING

Hey everybody!  I wanted to do an AMA, an Ask Me Anything.  I have an ask thingy over to the right of the screen, I have the facebooks, and I have a tumblr, so I enjoyed getting so many questions!  I am the many of infinite opinions, and here are just a few.  Thanks to everyone that participated.

Shopping Local v. Shopping chain

Jeff Allen

I personally like to shop online.  I like the idea of shopping locally, of supporting the stores that are around that are made by regular folks, but I also enjoy competitive markets and saving money.  So I shop online.  Restaurants are a little different, as I can’t restaurant online.  For that, it is a grab-bag, as you never know if those local places are going to be any good.  But it is always nice to try.

IHAO on ... League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Eric Morris

LXG is a movie that is not good, but has a lot of good in it.  Flemyng’s Hyde is a personal favorite of mine.  The action is silly and fun, the writing atrocious, the characters all interesting, and overall, the movie is harmless and fun, with a lot of flaws but nothing too incredibly stupid.  Grade: C+

What is your least favorite magic card of all time?

Daniel Lees

I play magic quite frequently nowadays, just like I did back in me good ole college days.  The most I was ever involved with Magic was during Ravnica block and Llorwyn block.  I had standard decks in both formats, and just played the most during that time.  And I can tell you straight up what card is my least favorite to play against: Circu, Dimir Lobotomist.  Not only did he mill, my least favorite alternate win condition, but he also shutdown your deck card by card.

Nowadays … I LOVE Circu.  I wanna have a Circu deck RIGHT THIS SECOND.  And I’m going to make one soon.  So I guess that can’t be my least favorite of all time, because I like him now.  So I guess my least favorite magic card of all time is … the handful that got covered with super sugary black coffee when I let a college friend borrow my Kamigawa stuff and he absolutely ruined a whole box of them. 

Is college or life a better teacher?

Jeff Allen

I would say life, except the best teacher of living I ever had was life DURING college.  Not the college classes, but the experience.  So somewhere in the middle of those two, college life is the better teacher.

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day?

Nicole Clockel

Yes.

What is your favorite movie with an actor you hate in it?

Daniel Lees

My favorite movie with an actor I hate in it.  Ok, so not my favorite movie starring an actor I hate, just the first of my favorites that has an actor I hate within that film.  Ok.  Using handy-dandy Flickchart, one of my favorite websites, I see that it would be Constantine, which has Shia LeBoeuf in it.

What is your favorite DnD character?

Gabriel Taylor

Dungeons and Dragons is a game I will always adore.  And over the past two decades I’ve played and run a LOT of games.  I’ll split this up into three answers, my favorite DnD character (that I played), my favorite DnD character (made by the creators of the game), and my favorite DnD character (that I ran).

My personal favorite DnD character will always be my first good one, Haplo the Charming.  A half-elf bard who was also a spell-maker who got so good at thinking outside the box that my DM cursed the character to never be able to take another level in Bard again.  So he became of a Chronomancer to try to find a way to go back in time and allow himself to continue on his merry way.  He is everything I ever wanted to be: tough, cool under pressure, ingenuitive, sexy, and a hero, even if a fight with a siren left him bathophobia.

My favorite DnD character that was created by the makers of the game ... lots of people love R.A. Salvatore's stuff and Drizzt, the Drow.  But I hate all that.  I do love the Dragonlance series, and those characters (Tanis Half-Elven probably inspiring the half-elf nature of Haplo the Charming).  But I prefer Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's Death Gate Cycle to Dragonlance.  BUT ... one of their characters did crossover into my favorite setting, Ravenloft ... Lord Soth.  No, he isn't my favorite.  My favorite is his lackey, Azrael, a dwarven were-badger.  He is the first dwarf I ever liked, because he is nothing like Tolkien dwarves: he had no beard, just muttonchops; he was afraid of being deep in the earth; he was greedy not for gems but for power; he was ruthless, and a villain, but one you could relate with.  I love him.

My favorite DnD character that I’ve run a campaign for … man, there have been a lot of great ones.  Piers, the water elementalist.  Elsa, the precognitive enchantress.  Felix Oneshoe, the gnome abjurer that changed all gnomes forever.  All the characters from our college homebrewed world Thoradain, including Rainium the frog-man Warlock!  Coglin, the goblin hunter cursed to become a goblin himself.  Lots and lots of great characters, and with more campaigns in my future still, probably a lot more.  So I’ll say my favorite has yet to arise, just to be on the safe side.

What do you think of dog shows?

Daniel Lees

Dog shows are ridiculous wastes of times ... for other people that don’t affect me in the slightest.

Review the Gravity trailer.

Nicole Clockel

I watched the trailer, and immediately am shocked by the amount of sound and crunching going on in outer space.  Stupid.  Also, I just do not care for Bullock as a leading lady.  And the CGI, terrible.  I hope this movie loses every nomination it is nominated for.

ME FROM THE PAST: It doesn’t.

Another question, what are your thoughts on the whole concept of "The Academy Awards"?

Lenton Lees

Yup, I did sort these to make them more interesting.  Heh.  In theory, the Academy Awards should be really really useful.  And to a certain extent, they are.  But in the long run, they are just a marketing tool that, while entertaining, is ultimately unnecessary, because it is not driven by pure objectivity.

A - Who is the most overrated (1) actor, (2) politician and (3) athlete today ... 

Jeff Allen

Most overrated actor: Leonardo DiCaprio.  He does perfectly fine, but is always Leo.  He never loses himself in his roles, and just isn’t that great.  He does a great job at being Leo in whatever movie he is in, but a superb actor he is not.  A superb Leonardo DiCaprio, he definitely is.

Most overrated politician: Obama.  Not because of anything he’s done, but mostly because of everything people think he CAN do and he totally cannot.  Checks and balances, people.  The president cannot get much done, and thinking he can then getting upset when he doesn’t is dumb.  Stop overrating his status.

Most overrated athlete: John Szczerbinski.  I do not know why everyone continues to back this guy, but he is never going to end up making it into the upper echelon of athletes.  He comes up short over and over again, making simple mistakes that cost him the match.  Give it a rest, Szczerbinski.

What are the three best reasons for Scrappy Doo?

Kevin McInturff

Scrappy Doo is a polarizing figure of cartoon history.  But here are three best reasons for his existence:

1.     He saved the ratings on his first introduction, which saved the show and made it have the longevity it currently does
2.   His existence helped spurn the understanding of the Cousin Oliver trope
3.    His run on the show not only got toned down after immediately criticism, which enhanced his roles, such as in Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (my favorite Scooby Doo anything), but he was also removed from the franchise after only being on air for 8 years, but made the show last an additional 34 years from its looming 1979 cancellation.

and B- who is the most underrated in each of the same categories? [note: actor, politician, and athlete]

Jeff Allen

Most underrated actor: Yesterday I talked about Keanu Reeves very much in this mindset, but I don't think he actually is the most underrated actor.  I easily put it on Jeremy Renner.  That man deserves every accolade, does so well in everything he does, always performs well beyond where he NEEDS to for his script and film.  He works so hard, and was robbed of his Academy Award for Best Actor for Hurt Locker (Grade: A++, btw).  Fans love him, but he is still underrated in the industry.  Hopefully not for too much longer.

Most underrated athlete: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.

Most underrated politician: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.

My Question, If the Main Event of Wrestlemania 30 went on as Batista vs. Randy Orton, how would you book it?

Lenton Lees

Batista v. Randy Orton.  Heel versus Heel.  On the night where the good guys get their win, a night to make new faces, we have a main event that is two heels.  No way around it, we have to add a good guy into the mix somehow.  Personally, my favorite version that I’ve seen is that Daniel Bryan ends up facing HHH in the first match of the show, with the stipulation that if he wins, he is added to the main event.  So you have a grueling match, with Bryan kicking out of the pedigree, and ultimately beating HHH.  Then in the triple threat at the end, you have them fight and fight and fight, but Batista pins Orton to become the new champ, with Daniel Bryan on the sidelines trying to get back in the ring but just not quite making it.  

Then you get Bryan chasing the title all the way to Summerslam, where he one year ago beat John Cena and got screwed out of the title, and this year he finally beats Batista and holds the title high, no chance of getting screwed.

That seems the most likely and best scenario for long plan storytelling. 

Best of SNL lineup.  6 players, at least 2 females and 2 males.

Kevin McInturff

Wow, ok.  This one is incredibly hard.  A lot of the people will have to play double duty, and with only 6 members to make up the whole cast, it is difficult.  Plus, I have to use only cast members from the show, since it is a Best of.  Let’s see.  I’m going to prioritize people who can do multiple styles of comedy, and those who were writers when they were also on-air. 

With a restriction on at least two of each gender, I know I need at least that many.  So for my first two males, I am going to go for one of the best comedians from two different eras, who each brought good things with them.  Let’s go with Bill Hader and Phil Hartman.  I would die to see these two working together, and together they cover quite a bit of range.  For my two women, I’m not going to go as far back, but it will still be two different eras.  Amy Poehler and Cecily Strong.  Poehler did everything on the show except be a writer, and while Cecily is new, she is proving to be a very strong female performer and has taken over the Weekend Update desk.

That leaves me with two cast members left.  I immediately consider Darrell Hammond and Jason Sudeikis, both for being an “every man” impressionist that can cover a LOT of bases.  I’ll think on them for a bit.  Looking through the other women, I don’t actually see any I truly care about being around, with Jane Curtin being the only other female I REALLY think could add something really cool to the group so far.  Sidelined.

Looking at the classics, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Dan Aykroyd pop up immediately.  I really should have at least SOMEONE from the original eras fellas.  I think because of his writing and longevity, I’m going to go with Murray. That leaves me with one slot left.  There are so many great characters to choose from the world of SNL … but you know what, what I really think helped change things and make things better, and would be amazing to see working with the cast so far chosen, would be Andy Samberg for the Digital Shorts.

My line up then looks like, in alphabetical order: Bill Hader, Phil Hartman, Bill Murray, Amy Poehler, Andy Samberg, and Cecily Strong.  I like it.  Hard to narrow down, because I really do miss an acerbic wit like Norm Macdonald, David Spade, or Chevy Chase for the Weekend Update desk, and a man of color would not hurt either, but I feel this is a strong and funny cast, especially with Hartman, Murray, and Samberg as the writer’s team.

What's your opinion on penises as sex organs?  From sex appeal, utility, form factor, etc.  How well do they do their job?  How do they compare to other genitalia?

Drew Turner

The penis I think is formed pretty much perfectly.  It looks great, works exactly as it is supposed to, becomes compact when not in use to make carrying it around easier.  The vast majority of them do their job admirably.  Now, comparing it to the other genitalia is a harder comparison.  I think, in the end, the penis does its job perfectly, but the boobs are the best genitalia.  Because they are great.  Just the absolute best.

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Three best alternate endings to a major motion picture.

Kevin McInturff

All right.  The first one that immediately pops to mind is Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.  The theatrical ending is that Scott gets Ramona, and that ending is terrible.  Scott learns nothing, he succeeds, certainly, but it is ultimately a pointless pursuit that rings hollow.  The ALTERNATE ending, Scott learns something about himself, and ends up with Knives, in a nicely done and earned finish that has the Scott character becoming much more interesting.  I will never watch the original ending again, this ending is so great.

Second.  Little Shop of Horrors.  I love the musical, love most of the film, and the actual ending, with the good guys all losing and the plants taking over … that’s the way it is supposed to be!  And it is great!  The song is great, the special effects are great, and it is just wonderful … except we do see all our protagonists dead.  In the musical version, all the protagonists come back to sing in the finale, which at least allows the audience to see everyone once more, and to see a company bow.  In a film, if you are dead, you are dead.  Credits.  I get why the ending was altered, but I love the original ending, and the effects were awesome. 

And third, I could go with Clue, because it had a bunch of endings, or Butterfly Effect for choking Ashton Kutcher with his own umbilical cord.  But I’m going with Dodgeball.  Because the alternate ending is just the protagonists losing, the bad guys winning, credits.  It was hilarious, and makes all the Deus Ex Machina jokes they use in the other ending even better.