IHAO on ... Black Mirror

In the vein of Twilight Zone and the Outer Limits, Black Mirror has a unique theme that every one of its six episodes over three seasons deals with.  If I can put this theme into my own words, Black Mirror is about the ever-expanding uses of technology, as well as a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" approach to storytelling.  Much like Twilight Zone worked towards poetic justice and Night Gallery was about gothic horror, Black Mirror tells stories about protagonists who are in lose-lose situations, all based around science fiction trappings focusing on new technologies or futures where we take technology to a new step.  The "black mirror" of the title of the show itself is a reference to a broken smart phone, which now is just that, just a black mirror.  Charlie Brooker, the series creator and writer of almost every episode, likes to call the show "techno-paranoia," which I think is a LITTLE bit of an overstatement, since paranoia does not actually factor into most episodes, in my opinion anyway.  But hey, he did make the show, and I do think it is (mostly) great, so what do I know?

The show is pretty phenomenal.  It is currently on Netflix and has been able to cover in six episodes a lot of crazy topics, though the two seasons each featured an episode on each of the following types: a political narrative, an alternate future societal story, and a single relationship changed by a new technology.  On top of that, each episode has a great budget with some fantastic actors, including Jason Fleming, Daniel Kaluuya, Rory Kinnear, Toby Kebbell, Domhnall Gleeson, and so many more, though I did list my favorites right then.

Of the six episodes, I loved the first four completely.  The last two ... they aren't bad or anything, they just personally didn't do much for me.  But the quality of the first four absolutely make up for that.  My favorite is the third episode of the first series, "The Entire History of You."  I found it amazing in a show I was already blown away by.  I really cannot wait for more.  Speaking of ...

How is Black Mirror Christmas related?  I mean, I should be reviewing Scrooge (it's coming) or some other stuff that is holiday themed, right?  Well, you see, a special Christmas episode will be coming out THIS EVENING!  It is not often I am able to talk about things that are cool, new, exciting, on Netflix, and also advertise for a brand new special, let alone a Christmas one!  Let alone a Christmas one that stars Jon Hamm!  I implore you, find some way to watch this episode on Channel 4 if you live across the pond, or see if you can watch it online if they show it there folks in America or Russia or Canada or wherever.  And watch the other episodes.  They are not easy to watch, absolutely are R in rating, and are glorious.

Oh, let me sum up with a quick grade for each episode:

The National Anthem: A++

Fifteen Million Merits: A++

The Entire History of You: A++

Be Right Back: A++

White Bear: B

The Waldo Moment: B

IHAO on ... a bunch of movies!! - 26 Reviews

Hello everyone! 

Time is an enemy to everyone who is trying to do anything important.  Or at least time-sensitive.   I love being able to write reviews for everyone about everything, current, old, wrestling, television, just on everything, as well as writing all the sillier or more intricate reviews, like the Arbitrary Numbers and the Fantasy Bookings.  But that leaves very little time for me to be able to actually cover everything.  I can’t put out two reviews a day, because that is too much to ask you folks to read.  And I only put out 5 a week, but every week there is probably on average one new film or wrestling event to writing about, and that takes a slot.  Then there are weeks with many films, like I’ve had recently and will be moving into with Oscar season continuing.

So I came up with an idea.  I asked my facebook to give me a list of movies that they did not think I had seen.  I absorb entertainment and media like a sponge, and have watched a LOT of movies.  This way I can give shorter reviews on a bunch of things people might not think I’ve seen, as well as have a fun bank of things to come back to when I need inspiration.  In the nice long list of films, I probably saw a fifth of them, which is a great number.  So I’m going to review all 26 of the movies that were suggested that I have seen.  This will be a rapid fire barrage of reviews.  Let’s get going!

 Dinosaurs! – Nicole Clockel
An edu-tainment Claymation-y fun short about dinosaur life.  I remember specifically sitting with my best friend at the time, Karl, when we were 7 or 8 at his house, and between playing TMNT SNES games or with figures or running around outside, we watched this little video.  I’ve seen it since then as well, but it is a silly thing to talk about.  It is purposefully silly, and all kinds of weird, but really enjoyable.  It is on youtube, and I’ll linky it here.  I definitely think it is worth your time, because of nostalgia for some of you and just for fun in general.  It isn’t great by any means, but it is fun.
Grade: C+



Rat Race – Lenton Lees 
The semi-rebooting, more “another version” of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Rat Race features an incredible cast, and is a big ole chase/race comedy.  It is hilarious, has some heart, and some awesome music.  It is probably one of the best comedies to introduce people to a bunch of great comedians all at once, including Mr. Bean, Seth Green, Whoopi Goldberg, John Cleese, Breckin Mayer, Amy Smart, and Jon Lovitz.  Really enjoyable, though it doesn’t quite shoot that extra mile.  It sits in a nice comfortable zone that most good comedies do, where it is real good, but the actual film never tries to be any greater than that.  Highly recommend.
Grade: B++

The Longest Yard – Lenton Lees
Wrestlers!  Sandler the last time he was funny!  Except there’s sequences of it totally not being funny, too, because Sandler has to always ALWAYS write his characters as having enormous penises or getting the hottest women in the world.  But that’s fine, because that has very little actual impact on the movie.  This is probably one of my favorite sports films I’ve seen.  It actually goes that extra mile in film quality and technique, as well as just having incredible actors in Burt Reynolds, William Fichtner, Terry Crews, and a slew of awesome wrestler … not “cameos” as everyone’s screentime and character weight is larger than that.  It is an incredibly fun sports movie with a moving story, it is really funny, and even though it blatantly steals an entire scene from the British remake of the Longest Yard, Mean Machine, it is still a really fun movie that is also really good.  Probably my favorite Sandler film, and easily the one I think that is his best film.
Grade: A++

Ernest Saves Christmas – Lenton Lees
Here’s the thing about Ernest: you either love Jim Varney’s shenanigans, or you just don’t get it or see a point.  I personally find Ernest endearing.  In fact, this is the first Ernest film I saw, which is good, because it is also easily his highest budgeted, best looking, best acted, best directed, BEST Ernest film.  It tells a great story, has fun comedy, and is a Christmas classic in the Jessel household.  On top of that, I do believe it has my absolute favorite Santa Claus in film, played by the same dude who is the Sultan and Jasmine’s father in Aladdin!  He is perfect as Santa, and adds some amazing gravitas to what could have just been a frivolous and silly kids movie.  It isn’t one of the best movies ever made, and the effects are absolutely dated, but it is a wonderful movie.
Grade: B++

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut – Lenton Lees
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have made all of two things I like: South Park and Book of Mormon.  I do not like BASEketball, I don’t like Cannibal: the Musical, I don’t like Orgazmo.  But this movie is excellent.  It is an amazingly well made musical parody of just about every single style of musical, from Les Mis to Disney to Sound of Music.  The story itself has a purpose to exist as a film because it is about censorship, parental choices, and really nice satire of the “crusade” against cursing.  I really think this movie does everything right.  And its unique animation style makes it in a sense timeless, which is great!  Great movie.
Grade: A+

Much Ado About Nothing (Whedon version) – Lenton Lees
Not every movie that is a good movie I like.  Wes Anderson movies prove that.  As does this one.  One of the best things about Shakespeare is that every adaptation is 100% the director’s intention.  And some of Joss’ choices are awesome.  And some are not.  I think Whedon was able to really elevate the parts of Claudio and Don Pedro fantastically, making both parts have a lot more weight and interest than most versions of the show.  He also made some very good comedic choices early in the film.  But very quickly, the comedy of this comedy goes away.  And that’s … just … wrong.  Much Ado About Nothing is a comedy, pure and simple.  And Whedon treated it as a drama.  And that is a disservice to a lot of the characters, a lot of the language, and a lot of other choices.  Dogberry wasn’t particularly funny, even though he’s written to be.  Don Jon isn’t very menacing because everything is treated so seriously so he isn’t a foil.  Benedict and Beatrice don’t have a banter-filled romance because the banter is more catty and snide than humorous and joyful.  There are some bits I really enjoyed, generally whenever he had the actors get more physical, because otherwise they just pontificate into the wind at each other.  In the end, Whedon focused on the “Much Ado” while forgetting the point that it is all about “Nothing.”
Grade: B-

Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars! – Jason Abraham
I’ve been saving this one for a Nanarsday review, but I’m MORE than happy to talk about this HORRIBLE MOVIE now!  It is a gloriously terrible movie about a man who has sex with an alien vacuum cleaner, and it becomes a rapist and rapes a woman, who gives birth to a human-vacuum hybrid baby.  It is gross, and hilarious, and terrible.  One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and I LOVE IT!  I found it randomly years ago, and it is a pride of my collection of films because of its ridiculous-ness.  Really, if anyone ever wanted to watch it, FIND ME and we’ll watch it that second.
Grade: F+

Chasing Amy – Jason Abraham
I have a love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith.  I either love his films and buy into them completely, or hate them and find them worthless.  Chasing Amy falls in the worthless category.  The script is preachy, the situation is so narrow that no one can relate to it, making the characters unlikable and just complainers.  Smith doesn’t direct Affleck very well here, which is crazy considering how great Affleck is in other Smith films.  It just … I just hate this movie.  Give me Dogma, Mallrats, or Clerks II any day.
Grade: C--


Dawn of the Dead; Day of the Dead; Land of the Dead – Tony Daniel
I love this little bit.  I may have never seen Night of the Living Dead, but I have absolutely seen and own all of the Romero trilogy of Dead films.  Comes with being married to a zombie lover.  Let’s touch on all of these:

Dawn of the Dead – This film is perfect.  Acting, tension, shots, characters, story, everything.  This may just be my favorite zombie movie, period.  I was blown away because what I THOUGHT this movie was and what it actually is are two VERY different things.  The effects are real old and not very good looking, but I like to see them like a time capsule of effects, and completely buy into them.  I say it all the time, but dated-ness is not a real negative, and these may not be the best effects, but they are great effects for what they are.  I cannot recommend this film more highly.  Grade: A++

Day of the Dead – I thought this would be my favorite, and I do really like it.  It is much more of what I thought it would be.  And it easily has one of the best villains a zombie film has ever had in it.  It also explores the zombie mythos more, which is very cool, and Romero continues to push the envelope with his characters.  It has better effects and is really interesting … but just not as good as Dawn.  I don’t know if I can put my finger really on why, but I think it is something to do with our protagonist, who while being interesting just isn’t as good of an actress, and the pacing of the film itself is a little off, leading to some boring stretches.  But the effects, and the other characters, are all well worth price of admission here.  Grade: B+

Land of the Dead – So Dawn of the Dead got a remake, and Romero was all “I can make a ‘modern’ zombie film better than that.”  So he continued the story of his world of zombies.  And man, I love it.  It isn’t as good as the last few, but it has some GREAT characters, some awesome world building, and while the plot is less interesting, the overall effect leaves me very happy.  I love this movie, even if it began the decline in quality of Romero’s writing.  Grade: B++

The Man Who Knew Too Little – Beth Lyons
This comedy was actually suggested to me by Beth probably a year or so ago, so I bought it, and I watched it.  I wish I had been writing reviews then, because then I wouldn’t have to think about this movie again.  Oh, yeah, that should make it obvious, I don’t like the movie.  I don’t think it is bad, I just didn’t find most of its comedy very good.  The entire idea is fine, and some of the scenes are fine, but the whole product just leaves me cold, as our protagonist has to be continually stupider and stupider to allow the very thin premise of “believes all the spy stuff is fake, accidentally gets caught in real spy stuff” to continue.  The climax of the film is just long and tedious with the whole Russian dance sequence and the bomb and … ugh.  I just did not care for the film, and really do not think it is very good, and mostly forgettable.
Grade: C--

The Bank Job – Jason Schmidt
Good ole Jason Statham.  Action star, good actor, British.  Ok, so Bank Job isn’t a GREAT movie.  It’s a real good one, though.  Based on a real heist, with some good actors and some great camera work, the film works.  I’ve seen a lot less memorable Statham films, though this one only barely jumps above that pack.  It isn’t great, but it is fun.  And if you are a history person or a heist person, this one may do even more for you.  For me, it was just a good movie.
Grade: B

Jackie Brown – Jason Schmidt
Jackie Brown is a neat little movie.  That actually sounds more belittling than I mean it to.  It has a slow first act, but not a BAD first act, just a slow one, that builds really well to an amazingly well made finish.  Lots of great actors all throughout the film, including the wonderful Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson playing the character that we all actually attribute to him in the modern zeitgeist, and Robert De Niro who may have … 8 lines in the whole movie?  But it is still one of his best roles.  I really like this movie.  It isn’t the easiest sit because of that long first act that really needed an editor, and Robert Foster is good but doesn’t quite keep me as interested for those long sections as Tarantino has found Christoph Waltz can.  But it is still a very good, very ambitious movie.
Grade: B+

State and Main – Jason Schmidt
David Mamet is a playwright, director, and a screenwriter and director.  He is known for things like Glengarry Glen Ross and American Buffalo, but he’s done a lot of other stuff.  State and Main is one of those other stuffs.  It … isn’t particularly good.  There are bits and pieces I really like in there, but there is also some stunt casting that does nothing for me and some of the comedy beats come across VERY Mamet, in that every character rushes through their dialogue as fast as they can.  The actual movie is about the filming of a movie in a little town because they like a stained glass window, and all the turmoil it causes everyone.  I don’t really think it is worth a watch, but for some people, all that fast-talking is actually a turn-on.  If you are a Aaron Sorkin fan, this may just be up your alley.
Grade: C-

Devil’s Advocate – Jason Schmidt
I love talking about good Keanu Reeves films.  Mostly because I think he is an underrated actor.  As an actor myself, I can see the actual “craft” in what he is doing, and I get why for some he doesn’t come across like he acts.  He is very stoic faced a lot of the time, and his voice is generally calm no matter the emotion.  But what Keanu does really well is expression of emotion through his eyes and his body.  There are very few actors who can pull of supreme confidence just by standing there saying nothing like Keanu can.  And there are very few that can show the deterioration of a soul like Keanu can, that slow wearing down that was necessary for this film.  Devil’s Advocate is a GREAT movie.  It is a morality play in a time period when morality was pretty gauche to begin with.  Al Pacino is fantastic in the movie as well.  It is a great film.  One I used to own, and I need to buy again.  I recommend.
Grade: A+

Man on the Moon – Jason Schmidt
The biopic on Andy Kaufman, made by dear friends of Andy Kaufman, paying homage to the man, played by the only person anyone that knew Kaufman thought could play him.  This is a great biopic.  It has great music.  It has great acting.  It has a compelling, albeit very movie-fied as admitted by the prologue of the film, story of the real life of this enigmatic actor.  I own the soundtrack.  I own the film.  I love both.  It is a shame that Jim Carrey did not get the Oscar for this performance, but of course he should have since 1999 was the year of terrible Oscar decisions and Shakespeare in Love sweeping through almost everything.  Man on the Moon was called by some the best picture of 1999, and others just didn’t get it.  Which is kind of perfect when it comes to talking about Andy Kaufman.  I highly recommend to anyone that loves comedy and the history of comedy.
Grade: A++

Mars Attacks! – Jason Schmidt
My dad took me to see this movie.  My mom didn’t like that he did.  It is a weird, silly, off-putting, crazy kind of film.  Definitely not for everyone.  It is absolutely unique, and everything I want from a Tim Burton film.  It also holds the honor of being the only live-action film based on a trading card series, which is a mindboggling piece of information by itself.  A tongue-in-cheek homage to 50s sci-fi horror films, and filled with just … craziness.  Man, I just … this is a weird movie kids.  Too weird to be good, too weird to be bad, it is its own brand of quality.
Grade: W (for weird … I actually give it a C)

The Departed – Jason Schmidt
Hey, wanna know a great movie?  The Departed.  Done.  Go watch a great movie.  What you need more?  How about its pedigree of actors and directors and cinematographers?  I’ll wait while you imdb it.  I know right?  How about the incredible filmmaking just in general?  Or the tight script?  Or the intriguing characters?  Or the amazing conceit?  Or the original that is ALSO good, but this remakes for western audiences in an old school mafia way that transcends the original?  This movie is great.  Period.  Watch it.
Grade: A+

Black Swan – Jason Schmidt
Darren Aronofsky is so so good.  And Black Swan is amazing.  Tense, thrilling, psychological, amazing acting from Natalie Portman (got an Oscar for it, well deserved), this movie is phenomenal.  The music is of course going to be great because it is Swan Lake.  But really, this movie is amazing.  It should have gotten at least a cinematography and a best director nod.  It got neither.  These kind of psychological thinky thrillers tend to not do well in the Oscars.  Aronofsky deserves awards.  And this film is one of his best, written as if tailored to his style specifically even though it wasn’t.  Watch this very very intense film some time.
Grade: A++

Waterworld – Jason Schmidt
Waterworld is one of the biggest financial flops in history.  Doesn’t make it a bad movie, though.  It makes it a great punchline, but as a fantasy movie, it is actually all kinds of AWESOME.  The setting is all practical and all amazing.  The acting is great from Dennis Hopper and even Kevin Costner.  The script is a great story filled with little nods and secrets to the what happened in the world.  The action is awesome.  I love the movie, and really don’t understand why others don’t.  Maybe because they only know the joke and never actually watched the thing.  Give it a chance.
Grade: A++

12 Monkeys – Jason Schmidt
Time travel movies are difficult, and sometimes their plots just don’t quite add up.  Other times they are too simple.  12 Monkeys is both.  Confusing and simple.  I don’t think it is a bad movie, it has some real interesting parts to it and some good acting.  But I ultimately found it boring.
Grade: B-

Four Rooms – Jason Schmidt
Four very different vignettes from four pretty different directors all based around rooms in a hotel.  Uh … I guess I’ll say this: Tim Roth is great.  Each individual sequence is so incredibly different I’ll just grade each one.
Part 1: D
Part 2: C-
Part 3: A+
Part 4: B+
So when I watch it, I just skip to the middle.  Yup.

Deathproof – Jason Schmidt
Man, I do not know how to talk about this one ... ok, lemme list the things that are good. The direction is fantastic. The movie looks and FEELS good, from a filmmaking and thematic standpoint. Kurt Russel is AMAZING as Stuntman Mike. The action and car sequences are really amazing and frenetic. A lot of the things that I love from Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained are here and this is the prototype for him directing like that. This movie is a bridge from his old style (which I generally don't care for) and his new style. There is a lot to like. But this movie SERIOUSLY needed an editor. A stronger edit would have helped this movie incredibly. And another sequence of Stuntman Mike doing what he does would have been perfect. Trim down all the standard Tarantino talky talk that didn't really do very much and give us another Stuntman Mike sequence. Tarantino learned to trim himself for Basterds and Django, making much stronger, engaging films. And that's the problem, I suppose. I really wanted to be engaged the whole time, and was really only engaged when Kurt Russel was onscreen and for the basics of the chicks. The genre subversion at the end was interesting, but for me, abrupt, and right at the end, I actually found myself rooting for Stuntman Mike because I knew more about him and understood him better, and he had less dialog than the chicks that I was supposed to be rooting for. Showing, not telling, made him a stronger, more engaging character. And they just left Mary Elizabeth Winestead with the crazy redneck! What the heck!? This movie is hard to grade. I can see myself wanting to watch it again, and I LOVED everything with Kurt Russel, but I dunno if I wanna slog through the rest.Grade: B-

High Fidelity – Jason Schmidt
One of the first “serious” comedies I’ve ever seen, it made a huge impact on me.  I am a collector and sponge for media much like John Cusack is in the film, though my own life and his represented in the film has nothing in common, and I don’t actually relate to him, but that doesn’t actually matter.  He resonates.  And his relationship struggles opened my eyes.  The film is unique, which is a huge plus.  It is a really well written and well acted film, so that’s real cool.  Honestly, though, it just didn’t stick with me like I thought it would, and I don’t care to see it again.  I don’t hate it.  I just don’t like it.  I remember how good it was, but that’s the extent of it.
Grade: A

Harvey – Cindy Carrin
The only Jimmy Stewart film I’ve seen and loved.  It is a great play, a great old movie, and just awesome all around.  A classic.  You absolutely should watch it.  Everyone.  Do it.
Grade: A+






And there we have it!  A LOT of films reviewed in a handy dandy quick way with beautiful pictures that took me way too long to format.  Thanks everyone, and I am positive I will do an exercise like this again!  Until tomorrow, where we have some newer films, a Wes Anderson film, some wrestling, and probably other stuff!

IHAO on ... Interstellar

I just am not really sure how to tackle this movie review.  Not because I don't have the words, because I do, I absolutely do.  And not because I don't know what I think and feel, because I am positive about those as well.  It is because I have very little faith my words will make a difference.  Some films are just going to be seen, regardless of any critic's review, and most of those critics have a much wider audience than I do.  It seems, I don't know, futile? to talk about just how poorly made this movie is.  And yes, it is incredibly poorly made.  This is a bad movie.  How bad?

*inhales*

Well, that's the problem, see.  I really don't like going into spoilers, but I have to all but spoil this movie to really talk about what makes it so bad.  It is a science fiction film where the science all seems to be mumbo jumbo garbage, almost none of it makes sense, and even if it was accurate, despite a very few visuals, it comes across as completely idiotic.  The theme of the movie is one of the most cliched themes in film history; I'm talking Disney would be ashamed.  The plot is mostly a bore.  The camera work is mediocre at best, and many many shots I've seen Go Pro cameras mounted on the outside of cars driving around do it better.  The acting is fine, in fact there is only one scene I would even call good acting.  There was only about a thirty minute stretch in this 169 minute mess that was really truly enthralling, invigorating, interesting, and tense.  But then we go back to cliche-land.  The plot is at best dull and at worst completely convenient and relentlessly stupid.  The climax of the film is simple just stupid.  The costuming and timeline of the film is atrociously un-thought-out, as we are in a future, and then a further future, and then a FURTHER future, and everyone still wears regular old clothes that we wear now.  The sound mixing ... my god, the sound mixing is absolutely atrocious.  Probably 1/5 of the dialogue is completely drowned out by the score.  And the score itself just does not match with the emotion or action taking place in any given scene.

Nolan has grown bloated in his reach and power.  He reminds me of George Lucas.  I highly doubt anyone is telling him "no" any longer.  He makes visually appealing films that hit all the emotional beats you want in a movie, but as soon as the movie is over every single aspect of the movie is just riddled with terrible terrible problems.  Interstellar is like a beautiful mansion that has termites in all its beams: it looks great, is enormous in scope, but just scratch the surface a little bit and you not only see the holes, but it is impossible to keep the entire thing from falling apart.  Christopher Nolan, for all intents and purposes, made a Michael Bay film minus stupid comedy, adding stupid emotional nonsense.

Blew your mind.

This science fiction film is lacking in science.  This great cast in lacking in scene quality.  This great composer is lacking in tact and finesse.  This great director is lacking in subtlety.

The only two good things I can say about this film, at all, the sole compliments I can give Interstellar are: the editor did an excellent job, as the 169 minutes never felt long or dull - stupid, yes, eye-rollingly stupid, absolutely yes, but it did not feel long; and the visuals look for the most part good ... though in our theater, that was supposed to be showing it in IMAX quality HD, it looked like it was all in 720p or even lower quality, with a very fuzzy film grain.

I implore you, all of you reading this, DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE.  It is a waste of every single cent and minute of your time.  The longer I sit and think about it, the worse and worse it gets.  It is a terrible, terrible movie.

Grade: D--

IHAO on ... Snowpiercer

Not too long ago, I started watching a new youtube series called Every Frame a Painting, which is an editor's view on film.  He talks about a lot of great stuff in there, and I highly suggest watching his stuff.  He did an episode on Snowpiercer two weeks ago, and I was intrigued.  Because I'll be honest, it looked stupid.  Nuclear winter kills almost everything on the planet, the only survivors are on a train that navigates the whole world and never stops running, and has been like that for 18 years.  That sounds stupid.  Then I started noticing the things involved.

It is a french graphic novel, directed by the super talented Bong Joon-ho, a Korean director who made Memories of Murder and The Host (not the crappy Twilight one, the Korean Kaiju horror film), and stars Tilda Swinton, Chris Evans, John Hurt, and Ed Harris, plus Octavia Spencer and Song Kang-ho (an AMAZING Korean actor, like ... 9 Korean Best Actor awards).  This is ... how did they get everyone involved?

Let me tell ya, it is because this movie is as close to perfect as you can get with that ridiculous premise.  Science fiction is always about allegory.  Children of Men was a pretty movie that had really stupid messages and allegory.  Snowpiercer hits its mark perfectly.  It talks about what life is worth, class systems, religious terrorism, law versus choice, perception of reality, and all sorts of other things.  And you would think that a film talking about all of those things would end up being crazy pretentious on top of it all, but this film is incredibly deftly handed.  Bong Joon-ho is very very good.  The film is funny when it needs to be, exciting, tense, thrilling, horrific, incredibly heartwrenchingly sad, abundantly triumphant!  It goes through all these emotions in a smart, logical way that makes this film just an amazing watch.

The acting in this movie is across the board great, from every single character and even the extras.  Tilda Swinton, who is not an actress I like, knocks it out of the park with an incredible performance.  Chris Evans, who has proven he is a good leading man, plays an incredibly dense leading protagonist character, and has a fantastic monologue and some great scenes with John Hurt and Song Kang-ho.  The film does an incredible job of seeding ideas without straight dialogue.  Many films think that storytelling and dialogue are one and the same.  Gone Girl did a great job of doing storytelling without doing dialogue.  But Snowpiercer is able to implant ideas in our minds without ever saying the words.  It allows us to make logical leaps, then plays on those leaps so we better understand the world and the film.  It was crazy how many of us viewing it together all made the same leaps without ever talking to each other or the film having a character directly say it.

Snowpiercer may just be the best made film I've seen all year, right up there with Guardians of the Galaxy.  It is certainly a new favorite.  I cannot cannot suggest this enough.  If you can buy into its premise and allow the film to take you on its journey, you will not be disappointed.

Grade: A+++

IHAO on ... Children of Men

Man oh man oh man oh man oh man.

This is the story of a man.  A man who used to be a father, but is now an emotionless (in general) protagonist.  A man who was a political activist, and still believes all those things, but is no longer one, because of reasons.  A man whose father and mother were political activists, as well as his former wife.  A man who is the only one that can save a woman, any woman, because this movie kills women and blames them for everything as easily as you or I spread butter on toast.

I found this movie insulting, boring, and lazy.  It is also a pretty well made movie.  It is not too often that I can say a thing like that.  This film, I can very much see people loving it, because it has some uniqueness to it.  But so many choices are made that are pretentious at best and masturbatory at worst.  Clive Owen is a terrible leading man, and Hollywood figured that out basically right after this movie.  Alfonso Cuaron is a talented director, but really really heavy-handed all movie.  He brings up many many themes, from feet, to immigration stuff, to racial war, to sexist stuff, and all of it is added to the film from its source material.

The actual plot of the movie goes something like this: the youngest person on earth was just killed.  For some reason unexplained, no children have been born in eighteen years.  This lead to everywhere but Britain being the worst place ever and Britain becoming a semi-military state of anti-immigration something something.  Whatever, Clive Owen shows up and has to help this political group smuggle a girl out of the country.  That girl is pregnant.  How, why, none of that matters.  Oh, the political group also double crosses everyone, and is bad guys.  Then they race to get to rendezvous point.

This movie is a very well made.  Cinematography, music, editing, all of that is well done.  But it just has so many terrible themes throughout.  All the religious imagery, all of the racist imagery, and all the sexist stuff!  I mean, the whole movie blames and kills off women, CONSTANTLY.  Here, here's an example: the thing that is making all the world unable to have children, in the movie it is 100% blamed on women.  Think about that.  That might not be immediately a problem, but combine that with the way women characters are treated in the film, it is really kind of harsh.  Whenever a director makes a film, they make choices.  Everything you see on the screen is a choice that was made.  So for there to be so much racial agenda pushing, like the Muslims all being crazy militants but the only immigrants who are, or all the religious stuff, or the weird foot theme that went through the middle section of the movie.

I don't like this movie.  I could continue to list more and more things I hated about the movie.  I can say some good things, like the one-ers (shots done all in one take) are impressive, but basically unnecessary with no purpose narratively beyond the fact that they did them.  See, even then I just said it as a bad thing.  Bah.

Grade: B--

IHAO on ... the Maze Runner

Young Adult has a series of very interesting little tropes to themselves.  Most of the young adult films are female focused, featuring Mary Sue protagonists, fighting against some form of oppressive society, generally being forced to kill folks.  The protagonists are always somehow special and different from everyone else, as well as having to figure out their own personal choices and more than one romantic opposites who are vying for the protagonist's heart. Maze Runner is a "young adult" film that breaks every single one of those tropes, and really all the young adult tropes ... until its last few minutes.  I actually hate calling Maze Runner "young adult" at all, because it is a mature, sophisticated, and interested science fiction film that just happens to have young adults as the protagonists, antagonists, really all the characters.

Plot: Thomas, wakes up in an elevator, going up into a glade in the middle of an enormous maze.  There, he learns the society the boys there have set up to survive, as there are monsters in the maze.  But somehow, things are different, things are changing.

I would love to give more, but there actually isn't a lot more plot to share without getting into spoiler territory.  Luckily, the plot is not the best part of the film.  In fact, the plot itself is pretty predictable for a science fiction story like this.  But that predictability is not necessarily bad.  How?  Because of the actual film-making.  The movie does an incredible job of shooting its scenes to really get us into the mindset of Thomas.  We experience what he experiences, how he experiences it, and the film is made all the better for it.  This is a TENSE film, with some really emotional scenes and just ... it is a really well made film.  The dialogue is solid, the plot is perfectly fine, but the acting is glorious by all these kids, especially Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Will Poulter, and our lead, Dylan O'Brien.  Wes Bell, a virtually unknown in directing does a MASTERFUL job.

I have two complaints about this film.  First, the finale.  Hard to not give spoilers, so I will be as vague as possible: this film would have been better served if it was not the first part of a young adult series, because the finale made this film feel just like every other young adult film out, which is awful, because this movie was AMAZINGLY good (if you could suspend your disbelief for the genre stuff) until the exposition dump and sequel bait of the finale.  Secondly, the only female character in the whole film would have been better suited to the story if she had been a box.  Yeah, she is more than pointless.  She is a waste.

^^^ = better love interest than Teresa.

The sequel coming has me a little worried, because the finale of this perfectly good film in my opinion really sours the movie.  But with Wes Bell making it, and the same kids for the most part, I am going to give it a chance.  A hesitant one, but one nonetheless.

I loved this film.  I think it is a really really good one, and one I will 100% own.  I do not want my kids to miss this film.  It is adult in nature, but perfectly acceptable for older kids.

Grade: A+

IHAO on ... Detention

"Indy" film is a hard one to put a label on.  "Indy" doesn't actually represent much beyond being independently financed.  It can have a large budget or a shoestring budget like The Human Race I reviewed a few days ago.  It can have a lot of pretty good actors like Best Man Down or be entirely cast within the Wyatt family like in Septien.

The face of pretentious indy drama, right here!

All that said, the thing that makes Detention the hardest to talk about is its startlingly odd in film reality and its very mixed up conceit of genre.  Look down at my little tags, I had to throw in three genre tags, and I HATE doing that.  It makes it so hard to sort all the reviews when I have to do that.  But truly, Detention is just that, a horror film, a comedy film, and a science fiction film.  How did it do that?  Well let me ... try really hard to explain.

The "plot" which is ... man, ok.  So there is a slasher going about a high school killing folks, based on the Saw/Rob Zombie/Friday the 13th/Nightmare on Elm Street films called CinderHella.  Our lead character is a broken footed kinda cute, kinda popular but not in the upper echelon chick, and quickly becomes a target for the slasher.  Not only that, she has to deal with her emotions over Peeta who is with her former best friend that six months ago changed everything about her life.

Then ... aliens, giant bugs, time travel, Dane Cook, and lots of satire of life as a teenager.  In fact, there really isn't much in this film we haven't seen before.  The thing we haven't seen is how all of these elements come smashing together to try to tell a singular story.  I think this film succeeds the most as a time travel slasher.  Its comedy is weak, its teen drama stuff is uninspired,  And the cinematography and directing are ... very purposefully off the wall.  Sometimes distracting, always interesting, the film has a very unique identity.

There are some storylines that are extraneous but thematically enjoyable.  There are some actors who are just not up to snuff, but then some that do a real good job.  The script is tight, if preachy and very out there, and the pacing is breakneck speed, pun slightly intended.  This film balances out a lot for me, with the parts I like and the parts I didn't creating a null for me personally, and for the really well done parts more than making up for the small things that just do not work.  This film just ended up not being for me.

BUT I bet it is for some of you.  If any of the things I said above catch your interest, give it a shot as it is on Netflix.  While it doesn't do it for me, I hope some of you can really end up enjoying this one.

Grade: B

IHAO on ... Altered States

Guardians of the Galaxy!  GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!  I am SUCH a happy camper.  I cannot think of a time I was this excited for a film to come to theaters.  Everything about the premise and all the work I've seen has just been amazing.  Everyone is giving it everything they got, and all of the actors and crew are honest about it.  It reminds me of the reason I love Arrow, and many TV shows.  People get passionate about the art they are making.  Plus who doesn't love a sci-fi-comedy-action-adventure-fantasy-superhero-blockbuster film?  Huh, ok, so there seems to be something off with my genre mojo here.  Upon seeing the film, I'll have a better sense of it.

Genre mojo is very important to me, as you can see over in the word cloud to the right of the screen (on computers, I dunno where it is on mobile ... are you reading this on mobile?  I dunno, figured I should ask.)  Genres make it real easy to make sure you know what I am talking about, and real easy to go searching for things if you want something in particular.  I say all this because I have something very important to say, especially considering GotG is coming out this weekend: STAR WARS IS NOT SCIENCE FICTION!  Neither is John Carter or a bunch of other things set in space.  Being set in space =/= Science fiction.  Science fiction is a difficult genre to truly get correct, in my opinion.  And of course, that is what you are all here for, seeing as it is blatantly the title of this blog.  Let me extrapolate on this idea for a bit before we get into the review, if you don't mind.

Action movies are easy to define (part of the reason I did a whole week on them).  They are films where the big selling point is action.  Be it kung fu, brawling, explosions, shoot outs, car chases, whatever, the selling point is the action.  The same holds true for comedies, where the comedy is the selling point, regardless of it is wit, slapstick, character, situational, or parody.  Dramas are sold by their true-story nature, not saying that all dramas are true stories, but they are all treated with the weight as if they were, even if they can be a little funny or have some action.  Horror movies are easy, they are made to be directly absorbed by those who want scares.  Thrillers are more about gripping intensity than horror.

But then you get into films that are genres because of other aspects.  Fantasy films are films that, regardless of set dressing, have the same basic tropes of good and evil, exploration, questing, making difficult decisions, all of that.  You could be set in a fairy tale land, the past, the future, space, or in the apocalypse.  Crime films, though filled with action and drama, have a specific feel about them.  So do heist films.  And musicals.  And war films, of course.  As well as westerns.  They all have specific tropes they work with.

Then you have science fiction.  It can fill a lot of those holes.  It gets thrown around when anything vaguely scientific is part of the plot.  I suspect many people would call the stupid new action movie Lucy science fiction because they use tenuous grasps on science to explain her powers.  But here is what I posit: a science fiction film is only that in genre if the science is the important part of the story.  Event Horizon is just a horror movie, set in space.  As is Alien.  Star Wars is a fantasy film, just like John Carter.  Guardians of the Galaxy will more than likely end up being an action film, perhaps a fantasy, despite its setting.  And looking through my own reviews that I tagged as science fiction, I could easily argue some of them are not that genre.

I say ALL of that to express just how perfectly Altered States exemplifies the conceits of a science fiction film.  It is about a scientist trying to make a breakthrough in schizophrenia research, looking for other states of existence and understanding.  He does this by using a sensory deprivation tank and taking hallucinogenics.  And we learn as we watch that he just might be on to something.

The film is shots incredibly well.  And the actors do phenomenally.  I really loved this movie.  I bought it because of its semi-historic nature as an influential film on things like Silent Hill, thinking it would make an interesting horror/thriller movie.  But the way this movie slowly builds towards its climax, which is breathtaking and all encompassing, it magnificent.  It is a very trim script, as we jump forward sometimes many years at a time in our protagonist scientist's life, played by William Hurt in his film debut (doing awesomely, by the way).  He plays a scientist who is all intellect, no emotion, working his way through his research, knowing he is onto something about these altered states of being but trying to find how to get in touch with them.  It is a ... difficult journey to say the least.

It is hard to really talk about the film because I do not want to give anything within it away.  It is a cleverly made, wonderfully shot, incredibly well-acted film, with an amazing score and sound design, both of which got nominations for the Academy.  It is a haunting and thrilling film, that leaves you learning with your characters.  And it does something every good science fiction film should do, which is create a deeper meaning, and express some kind of satire or allegory to be learned from.  And the emotional journey you as an audience go through with our protagonists is glorious.  It is also incredibly psychogenic, and sometimes comes across very alien, but all on purpose to deliver its ultimate goal/emotion/meaning.

This is the kind of film that upon completing it, I knew it would not be for a lot of people.  But there are some out there who are going to find this movie to be amazing, perhaps one of the best.  If anything I said here interested you, take a gander when you can.  I'm certainly incredibly glad I've seen it.

Grade: A+



Also, it is question time!  I need questions before this weekend!  This is the last stretch!  If you've been waiting to give me those questions, do it now!  Any way you can!  I'll take any and everything question possible.  I even answered one about the skillful design of the penis last time.  There is nothing off limits!

IHAO on Everything, too

August 1st, 2014

And you can bet there will be a Guardians of the Galaxy review on the 4th!

IHAO on ... Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I watched the first prologue to the famous Planet of the Apes franchise and reviewed it earlier.  Here it is.  If you want a quick version of my thoughts on that, lemme give you a blurb:

" I feel the movie is simple but endearing.  It is trying SOOOO hard to be cool, 

and I have to give it props.  I'll watch it and laugh at it over and over again.  

I think of it like the Happening: just filled with stupid and bad acting and terrible plot 

and awful CGI, but so so SO much fun to watch."

Yeah, I loved that terrible movie.  If it wasn't so competently made from just a cinematography sense, I would definitely consider it nanar.  It is just a little too good to be that bad.  And none of that is "bad" in any sense.  So Dawn looked pretty swell to me!  You got the apes on horseback in some posters, with guns!  It continues the story into a truly interesting part, the part where the planet is in transition.  I was very excited to go, and on Saturday at midnight finally got to see it.  And ...

Wait for it.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a better movie than Rise.  It is better plotted, it makes more sense, and the technical abilities are clearly improved.  Some of the characters get a lot more emphasis, and there are a few shots that are truly just some of the best most thrilling stuff I've seen in theatres in quite some time.  Also, the dialogue is completely awful, the script is completely lackluster, and every single actor sleepwalks through the movie until they turn evil.

Yeah, I didn't care for this one.  It is a better movie, no doubts about it.  But I actually thought it was really a WORSE movie because I didn't enjoy myself.  There was one character that interested me in the whole film, and that was the villain.  Even the over-hyped Andy Serkis' Caesar was just dull.  Though not as dull as his Woobie son, Blue-Eyes.  

Because I refuse to put spoilers, I cannot really talk in details about a lot of things, but there were a LOT of moments where the film was primed to do something interesting.  And it instead chose to not be interesting, and just be standard.  And that's ultimately what I feel about the film.  It is a perfectly fine, middle of the road film, that I basically did not enjoy.  There was not enough of the fun apes fighting or riding on horses stuff, not enough camp to be enjoyable.  There was a lot of really terrible things, and while there were bits I enjoyed, almost every one of them was super short and then followed by a very long and boring sequence.  

Also, I should point out, the apes are the protagonists in this.  The humans are completely the bad guys.  I do not care how much you pretend like these humans are good guys or justified, they aren't.  The apes are completely right in every single situation where the two races have to bump up against each other.

OH!  And sign language doesn't work when you sign to someone who isn't looking at you.  That happens CONSTANTLY.  I don't care how cool of a pose your CGI ape makes, sign language to the camera does not let anyone beside or behind you see what you are doing.

ALSO!  Characters should notice other people even if they aren't onscreen when they are not obscured by anything in this movie.  I HATE when characters cannot see things because the audience can't.

DOUBLE ALSO!  There is a thing called "pay off."  If you set something up, pay it off.  Don't do a shot of a rocket launcher, and then have not a single rocket launcher be shot.  Don't do a big uplifting moment for a character, only for that character to continue to do nothing of worth.

TRIPLE ALSO!  If you are a female in this film, regardless of species, the movie hates you.  There are three women in this movie that are actual characters, and two of them don't have names, and the other is Felecity who is incredibly miscast.  Hell, every human is hilariously miscast.  They took the casting budget, gave a little to Gary Oldman to just be Commissioner Gordon again, and spent the rest on the CGI.  Also, can I just say Gary Oldman is about the most overrated actor in film today ... other than Andy Serkis.  

QUADRUPLE ALSO!  The movie is constantly raining.  Are they trying to say that once humans are mostly killed off that San Francisco becomes a rain forest?  Because it is raining in a forest?  AND 5x 5x 5x 5x 5x ALSO!  If it is raining in your CGI shots on the apes that are in the water, have some daggum practical rain on the humans that are right next to them!  AND ANOTHER THING, SCIENCE FICTION IS SUPPOSED TO BE ALLEGORY, SAYING SOMETHING WE CAN TAKE AND LEARN FROM, NOT JUST A BORING STORY THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING! AND ANOTHER THING ---

Combo breaker.  Thanks.

Yeah, ok, I'm wasting time.  This movie is technically better than Rise, but it is not as entertaining.  Save your money for a rent, don't go to theaters.  That's my verdict, anyway.

Grade: C-

Also, I've been putting this at the bottom of all my reviews last week.  And I got zero questions.  Come on people, I can see how many of you looked at these, I know at least ONE of you had to have seen this at the bottom.  I can't do an Ask Me Anything if you guys don't, well, ask me anything.  So help me out, leave some questions in my ask box on Tumblr or in the comments here or on facebook or to my email or something.  Let's get this thing going, we only got half a month to do this thing!  WOOOOO!

IHAO on EVERYTHING, TOO on August 1st

IHAO on ... Orphan Black

I've stated it before, but it is hard to give grades to television series.  Each individual episode has a slightly different hand at the tiller, be it because of different writers, different directors, time restraints, whatever.  It means that each episode fluctuates on the scale.  Some episodes I love, some episodes I hate, and to just take the number I love and the number I hate and average them is not going to give an accurate read of the series.  So bear with me as I talk, spoiler-free-ish, about the show, and how it has overtaken the viewing habits of my life.

I bought series 1 (ten episodes) at Target for 22.99.  I would have gotten the blu-ray hands down if I had seen it there, and really wish I had.  But I picked it up on a whim.  I thought I'd eventually get to it.  But I was busy torturing myself, so I just didn't have time, not until I needed breaks from putting together the Batman review.  I decided that day to put it in, since the other shows I was watching I was not watching alone.  And I ... man this show is hard to talk about.

Ultimately, I'm entranced.  I must no more.  The mysteries of this show have me hooked.  And a lot of the technicals of the show are amazing.  The cinematography, in particular, is amazing.  As is the acting of our lead, Tatiana Maslany.  Her skills are exquisite.  She is phenomenal.  Other character I love, but they leave and enter importance in varying amounts, but my two favorite supporting male leads are Jordan Gavaris and Matt Frewer, who I will talk about again in a few days; trust.

The central premise is that Sarah, a punk and degenerate who is a mother, is coming back town to see her daughter, run away from an abusive ex, and sell the cocaine she stole from him.  She meets with her foster brother, who is her rock through out all the crazy.  What crazy?  Well, the show opens with her getting of the subway, seeing a woman who looked just like her, though in different clothes, throw herself in front of the train, committing suicide.  And Sarah ... steals that strangely identical woman's identity.  And from there, gets embroiled in a lot she never could have seen coming.

The show is nervewracking.  One evening I was even so tense and terrified that noises outside made me double lock, double check, and re-double lock the doors.  Nothing about the show is "horrific", but it is all tense and thrilling, filled with mystery and suspense.  Some people may harp on the science fiction nature of the show, but I personally find that to be backdrop, mere setting for the real emotional and psychological story going on, which is a great way to do science fiction, by the way.

The hardest part is knowing if I can suggest this to anyone.  It is almost a judgment call that each person needs to make for themselves.  The show curses some, is disturbing pretty often, is tense and thrilling always, is hilarious rarely but truly hilarious when it is, incredibly well acted, beautiful, and a nail-biter that leaves you craving more.  Those are all things that are generally considered good, but lemme point out a few of the "negatives."  This show does not have levity often.  When it does, it is normally very dark levity, and is ultimately actually not levity at all.  Either that, or it is just a throw away line here or there to keep you from being upset.  And while the few actors I mentioned before are amazing, you get a feeling from the rest of the crew that they are not the best money can buy, but they sure are affordable.  That may be a bit harsh, and no one puts in distracting or bad performances.  But some roles are incredibly one-dimensional.

If anything I said sounds interesting, or if you want more information, let me know, or just go find it yourself.  I will be rewatching it soon with others, and that will be an ... interesting situation.  And I will be doing everything in my power to get the second season ASAP.

This gif is not relevant.  Merely funny.  I wanted to lighten the mood.