IHAO on ... Rise of the Planet of the Apes

This movie is DUMB.  So so so so SOOOOO dumb.  And I love it!

The CGI apes look terrible almost always, with only two exceptions: Caeser and Maurice.  And oddly enough, Caeser and Maurice are my two favorite apes characters, so perhaps there is bias on my part.  Or they just do look the best.  Oh, Scarface looked good too.  But that's three out of 100.  Not a good track record.

The humans are even more fake.  Ten years pass over the course of the film and NOT A SINGLE ONE LOOKS A BIT DIFFERENT!  Not even a haircut.  Not even a different do.  STUPID!

The storytelling is terrible, too.  The evil humans are EVILLLLLL to the nth degree, including Malefoy Jr.  The character of Rocket is introduced with no name, then later is just refered to as Rocket.  Took me forever to realize which ape was Rocket.

And there are only three types of apes.  Period.  Chimps, Orangutans, and Gorillas.  And we never see the apes save the Orangutans and the Gorillas, just the chimps from the zoo.  But oh well, there's more than just the two.

There's stupid convenient fog on the bridge during the culmination of the plot.  There's stupid convenient ... well, everything.  This movie is stupid.  I should have taken notes so I can rage more proficiently about the stupid!!!!

Except I'm not raging.  Because I loved it.  I loved watching it, in all its stupid glory.  Every character is a stereotype (except for Caesar).  The plot is some of the dumbest most contrived stuff I've seen.  They gloss over things and waste time on others.  The movie is gloriously inept.  The number of apes quadruples in birds eye view CGI shots because MORE!!!  Franco is just not good and is really really poorly cast here.

And I still love it.  For no reason beyond its sincere attempt to make this movie.  I feel the movie is simple but endearing.  It is trying SOOOO hard to be cool, and I have to give it props.  I'll watch it and laugh at it over and over again.  I think of it like the Happening: just filled with stupid and bad acting and terrible plot and awful CGI, but so so SO much fun to watch.

Watch this movie.  Take a drink every time someone says Caeser.  A drink of whatever you want.  It'll be fun.

Grade: D++

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