Showing posts with label roleplaying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label roleplaying. Show all posts

17.11.14

Fantasy Booking: Dunesko



Welcome everyone to another instance of FANTASY BOOKING!  This time, I wanted to actually share with you a thing that was made by myself and my players in one of the two Dungeons and Dragons games that I run.  Yes, I am a Dungeon Master.  It is absolutely one of my prides and joys to do.  I love creating stories, watching characters, and the thrill of the game.  I've been doing it for a very long time, probably twenty years, and I've loved every second.

My first campaign is a Ravenloft campaign, which is my favorite ADnD setting, and will always be.  But I wanted to do something different.  I have a system for world creation so that my players and I can make a unique world to us as a group.  I've also had an idea in my head since college for an abandoned concept that was based on African lore, geography, and themes.  So, with my players help, we created the world of Dunesko.  And of course, why shouldn't I share it with you?!

I'm going to present it to you as I did my players, with an in-character written editorial of the history of the world.  I hope you all enjoy this small departure from normal IHAO business.

.;[]:.       .:[]:.       .:[];.


Before life came to Dunesko, there was only the Sand. Endless and all-encompassing, it stretched in all directions, without sun or moon, day or night. Beneath the sand, there grew a Seed. Within that Seed were the twelve Numen, Spirit-Gods that shaped the world then and now. When the Seed cracked open, the twelve Numen came forth, one by one.

The Untamed came first, a beautiful Heron that brought with it the sky, the birds, the trees, and the beasts of the land.
The Weaver came second, a grand spider spinning a web of fate over the lands, the animals, and the races to come.
The Spark came third, a beetle pushing the sun across the sky, bringing fire to the races and sparking imagination within them.
The Night came fourth, a starry vulture, spreading its wings to cover the sky and bring the races their first dreams.
The Labor came fifth, a mossy Ox that helped the races toil the earth and work the land, bringing forth more of their kind.
The Maw came sixth, an enormous hippo, that opened its jaws and the rivers poured from it, allowing men to trade their work.
The Pride came seventh, a powerful lion to gather the tribes and teach them to hunt, providing for their kind.
The Slaughter came eighth, a greedy hyena that hunted just to kill and destroy, causing the first wars.
The Power came ninth, a bronze rhinoceros whose strength and skill supplied the races with the means to fight their wars and protect their tribes.
The Thunder came tenth, a herd of gazelle, whose hooves warned of the coming dangers, and herding the races into greater societies.
The Swarm came eleventh, as locusts and gnats and frogs and snakes, bringing plague, famine, terrible storms, and powerful dragons that destroy the land.
The Herd came last, a skeletal elephant, trumpeting its sad sound as the dead joined him on his trek to his resting place.


A Brief History of Dunesko, Land of the Dunes

Written by Jacobi Bladeback (in Lehonti and Sauriel)

Prologue

What a beautiful and astounding world we live in, fellow beings!  Large and small alike, we must give deference to the largest in this world, she being the Numens who shaped our land and with their guidance created our glorious history.  In my studies, I have learned many an interesting detail about our strange and varied history.  And even more so, I have learned that many know small bits and pieces, but there has yet to be a dedicated collection of our history, from all aspects, across all empires.  So, I now present to you, a Brief History of Dunesko, Land of the Dunes.


Chapter 1: Pre-History

As best as can be determined, before the first records of the Auriel scribes, there was an expansive empire on the southeastern side of the Vuori’jono Mountains.  The Elves called the great empire Xendrixia, like the desert itself.  Ancient glyphs indicate that it was created by a great Pharaoh (it means God-King in ancient elvish, furthermore known as Xendrixian), an elven man stillborn, yet still alive, named Xendrix.  He swiftly became a legend, declared himself Pharaoh and established a long-lasting heraldry called “The Majesty.”

As Xendrixia grew it power, it also grew corrupt, as each passing Pharaoh in Xendrix’s line took more and more control over all the races that are not of Xendrixia.  The Pharaohs and the Xendrixian elves all forsook the Numen, rejecting their control over their lives and focused on arcane sources of power.  The first necromantic rituals were created.  The first order of the Mirage was formed, though none follow the conceits of an order to a lost Numen any longer.  Kobolds, Sauriels, Humans, all were made slaves to build the lost monuments, shrines, and temples to the Majesty of Xendrixia.
It was hundreds, maybe thousands of years before almost abruptly, the Xendrixian Empire fell.  

Legend says that the Last Pharaoh was a powerful necromancer who shaped the Numen to his will and called for from the bones of the dragons a dangerous and powerful slave, a Death Dragon.  It is unwritten how the Xendrixian Empire fell, but there were no Pharaohs after the last, and Xendrixia’s capital fell.  The races dispersed to the far corners of Dunesko, and the elves had been left to wander the Dunes.


Chapter 2: The Birth of the Races

To the Northwest, along the banks of the Auriel Sea, where the Auriel River and Auriel Jungle converge at the Auriel Delta, the humble Sauriel race founded their first city.  It is the oldest living city, with great limestone walls and buildings, beautiful paved roads, and all of it has lasted for hundreds of years.  I am a bit biased, I must say, for my home, but it is undeniable that a Sauriel city’s bones will almost assuredly never die. 

It did not take long for the Sauriel race to expand, traveling up the Auriel River towards the sun.  There they found Vuroi’Vesi, the enormous kobold named mountain of water pouring into the Ja’Arvesi.  There, a contingency of finheads created the city of Aqueus on the southern bank of the lake.  Lizard-men dug steps into the mountain and the Observatory was built above the waterfall, bring Aqueus its now world-wide acclaim.  At the same time, a traveling party explored the Auriel Sea to the south.  On the southern bank of the sea was established the city of Arboreus, right next to the now known as Cirdon Forest, though it was formerly the Southern Auriel Forest.

On the other side of Xendrixia, a permanent oasis, somehow able to not be swept by the magicks of the elves or the Kauhea’Tuuli, became a refuge for the humans, known at that time as the single nation of Ash.  They gathered together in their first governance, called Asher.  Kobolds had moved to the far southeast to the Vuori’Suuri, or Great Mountain. 

My own race at that time started to put together their law, the building blocks of the social structure that guided us for so long.  At the same time, the humans across the world rejected law, seeing fit to live in controlled chaos instead.  And the kobolds tell a tale of their great hero Kai’lliso, who was supposedly the size of a hornhead and was the first kobold to strike the earth with a pick and begin to mine the mountain.   I quite enjoy their legends, as a failing of us Sauriel’s is our strict sense and pride of history as opposed to the dreams of the other races.


Chapter 3: The Rise of the Sauriel Empire

Enterprising endeavors became the Sauriel’s goal.  There was an entire world to explore to the east and the south.  The enterprising guild, the Brick-Brotherhood, began to cut their way through the Southern Auriel Forest and laying a road along with them.  Two generations of our kind worked their lives tirelessly cutting through the dense forest until they reached Cirdon Lake further south.  How the Cirdon got its name is a mystery to us, as the records have been lost to time.  They continued their travel along the Cirdon’s river.  It was at this time Kauhea’Tuuli arose again, smashing against the mountains and making travel dangerous for all Sauriels.  Trapped on their river boats, the Brick-Brotherhood hunkered down, braving the rapids, until they reached a safe valley, hidden between two large mountains.  It was there the city of Ardon was established.  News of this history was recorded and flown back to Auriel City as fast as possible.  It was this news that first started the Sauriel’s libraries and histories.

Asher was not much a place to live as it was a place to survive, and soon a family and clan of humans known together as the Volkrad would have enough of the humans of Ash, reject their heritage and leave Asher, traveling north.  In the north they found the amazing Ja’atikko glacier, as well as savannah lands cold and flat.  At the foot of the Ja’atikko they established the new home for the Volkrad, Isaachar.  Another offshoot of the humans, ones more focused on worship of the Numen called the Malakar, left Asher as well not long after, heading south with the help of the elves, finding the expansive swamplands to the south and establishing their new capital for their race, Amalekiah.
It was at this time that the gnolls first migrated from the far southern deserts.  Lead by the gnoll-mother Nissa and her three daughters, they crossed the Black Desert and the Cirdon River, finding a new home in Xendrixia.  Their matriarchal society, based on the biggest and strongest women, lead the gnolls to split into three major packs: Cakar, Rahang, and Berlari.  All three sisters believed in focusing on gnoll survival through the hunt, but each sister had her own opinion.  The Cakar preferred to fight for their food.  The Rahang preferred to make anything their food.  And the Berlari learned to keep their distance and pick their fights, running as they need.

Also, the Kobolds mined Vuori’Suuri and established an underground city, named Ma’ati.


Chapter 4: The Grand Meeting and Its Fallout

Much was changing in the world as races were coming in contact with each other for trade and the borders of their claimed lands starting to come in contact.  Oxnard, a wise hornhead, established an assembly of Sauriels in the Auriel Delta.  The Assembly was created among the Sauriels to further establish our governing body and our caste system, finally naming the Auriel Delta as the capital of the Sauriel Empire.  The Sauriel Empire covered over half the known world, so an information trading guild of Flyers called the Post worked to put large posts across the rivers, savannahs and even points of the desert to pass messages more quickly and efficiently.  Using the Post, the Sauriels called for the Grand Meeting where all races came to Ardon, the city of safety.  The human nations (Asher Oasis, Malekiah, and Volkrad), the gnoll clans, the Xendrixian elves, the Kobolds, and the Sauriels all together signed The Treaty of Peace and Trade, which established rules for trade between races and cities, as well as a non-aggressive pact so that no race would interfere or attack any other race.
The Sauriels established two new cities after this meeting in hopes of expanding their empire.  First was the city of Aphar at the base of Vuori’Suuri.  It would be dishonest of me to say it was not for a purely beneficial gain from those small hard-working Kobolds.  Size has always played a part of our own discriminatory lives, though it was much worse during those decades.  To establish trade with the third human civilization, the coastal city of Anchorage was made, though the storms were too rough to explore its oceans for more than basic resources.

Many things changed after the Grand Meeting.  The humans, in a matter of pride, changed the name of their cities, as Amalekiah became Malekiah and the Ashers established a new name and an official town in the oasis now known as Gaddeanton.  The newly christened Gaddeantons turned to trade to establish a true economy, though they also applied heavy taxes and tolls along the few path ways that existed into the city, specifically with Anchorage.

Not too long after the founding of Aphar, a terrible accident happened in Ma’ati, destroying the majority of the Kobold’s only city.  It was after that terrible accident that most kobolds decided to leave their native home behind and instead spread out around the world of Dunesko.  A single family clan, the Syva’asuk, angered at this cowardly action from their perspective, instead entered the few remaining mines and caves of Ma’ati.  They have not had contact with the surface since.

It was a generation of peace and trade, as all the nations grew stronger and felt safe.  As we know now from our vantage point, this was merely the cause before the Slaughter’s terrible storm.


Chapter 5: The Sauriel Wars begin

A single fisherman, a human from Malekiah, was up to his hips in the swamp water, catching the crustaceans and other vermin of the bog.  His life is not particularly important.  His children’s lives probably not as well.  All of their names have been lost to history.  But his account of a single day has been immortalized.  I do not know if any reading this have heard his account before, but I will include it in its entirety below:

“The crabs were snapping light that day.  I was wading through the sugar cane bog over east when I saw it.  I heard it first.  A rumbling, like a hungry dog’s belly, tore through the mists and steam coming off the ponds.  I put my hand on my claw hammer’s handle, worried about what may be coming.  I saw a rustling in the willows, and then it burst forth.  A great red hyena, as large as an elephant, larger, with blood drool coming from its mouth and claws, not entirely there, almost as if it was made of the wind itself.  I saw the Slaughter stand before me and felt its breath on me, and I was certain I was a dead man.  As I struggled to force the words of worship from my mouth in the hopes the Slaughter would spare me, I watched him root into the swamp, digging with his massive claws until he disappeared.”

Why is this account important?  Because this not common event is what preceded the Slaughter’s personal race of warriors to be born into the world, the Orcs.  Born from the ground, weapon in hand and ready to kill, this was the first sign of the terrible wars to come.  The Orcs seemed pleased to kill any they could find, though they tended to focus on the elves, gnolls, and humans.  That is probably the only saving grace of the Sauriel race.

Within the old caste system, the Lizard-men were once a member of our race.  They were considered the lowest of the low, meat-eaters good for nothing but labor and expendable bodies.  It was the way life has always been.  They were unintelligent, smelled of rotted meat, and brought nothing to trade or society.  Or so it was perceived at the time.  But that perception also made them ignored, this allowed the Lizard-Men to plan a terrible revolt.  They all attacked at once, killing those who policed them and any that got in their way.  Ardon took the worst of it.  The Sauriel Wars had begun.

Ardon was destroyed as the Sauriels knew it in the matter of a two week siege.  The Lizard-Men burnt anything that wasn’t stone, killed any that stood in their way, and forced everyone in that city to die or leave.  The Sauriels looked to their allies for help, but the Treaty of Peace and Trade made it so that no other race could interfere in this civil war.  Gnolls broke the treaty almost immediately, joining in both sides of the conflict.  The other races had their own issues.  The Orcs had begun to raid villages of the three human civilizations, Gaddea, Volkrad, and Lehanti (the empire of the southern humans in Malekiah), murdering, raping, and pillaging.  The Kobolds argued amongst themselves as a group, the Ma’ante believed they should return to their homeland.  And the elves took to fighting the Orcs as they found them, removing all vestments of civilization and staying purely nomadic.

In the Auriel Delta, a commando unit was created for the specific purpose of eradicating the rebelling Lizard-Men.  Some Sauriels called it genocide, mostly those living Aphar or in Aqueous, but the Assembly deemed it necessary, calling members of all the castes to join the cause.  At the same time, those who for were of sound mind and body and were not training to join the Sauriel High Legion instead worked to build an immense wall 5 miles out in a circle on all sides of the Auriel Delta, to insure its protection.  This focus building and rebuilding, now that trade to the south was cut off, also lead to a long trade road being created across the desert from Aqueus to Gaddeanton and from Anchorage to Aphar.  In hindsight, this was a tactical failing that lead to the Sauriel Empire’s fall.


Chapter 6: The Fall of the Sauriel Empire

The Lizard-Men, leaving behind the ruins of Ardon, moved to the more inhospitable regions of Dunesko, making a military Stronghold among the peat bogs and oil rivers to the southwest.  There, they began to make plans on their next conquest against their former betters.

Elsewhere, the human empires, all staying out of the Sauriel War, made their own political improvements, expanding each empire.  The Volkrad were able to establish their first true kingdom beneath the rule of King Carolus, a great warrior knight and slayer of Orcs, protectors of farms in the north.  He and his elite guard, the Caroleans, protected the humans and kobolds of the northern tundras from many raiding parties of Orcs.  In Gaddea, a shadow government took form.  Built upon back-alley deals between different guild heads and corrupt police, Gaddeanton became a well-oiled machine, greased by money and information.  In Lehonti, a new religion focusing on worship of all 12 Numen, but only each in their time, arose, called Huruda.  The emphasis was to worship one Numen for a full moon cycle, then to immediately begin devout worship of the next in a particular series. 

The first great setback of the Sauriel War was the loss of Ardon.  The second was when Gaddea sent their militia to Anchorage and successfully slaughtered their way to control, truly creating a new empire.  The shadow government even changed the name of Anchorage, now known as the human land of L’Trel.  The war had now become a two-fronted one, and the Assembly decided it was best to retreat from Gaddea and prepare for the Lizard-Men’s next attack.  But they were not prepared.
The third great loss for the Sauriel’s was that of Arboreus.  Armed with arrows dipped in the oil sea and fireball loaded catapults, the Lizard-Men had made their way to the north and laid absolute waste to the lumber town.  It was burned completely to the ground, and every tree within a day’s travel was burned down as well for good measure.  The Lizard-Men oiled the earth to stain it black and keep anything else from growing.

Other interesting events transpired in this era.  A great hero among both the Sauriels and the gnolls, a Bladeback named Arins, tried to convince a pack of male gnolls to join the fight in the war.  The gnolls had their own battles to fight, so Arins traveled with them, eventually becoming accepted into their pack and being honored with a new name, Kapusa.  Arins of the Gnolls lead his pack through the desert to find the ruins of Xendrixia, now mostly buried in the desert that shares the same name, hoping to one day help the gnolls establish a true home city that he believed they deserved.

At dawn not long after the utter destruction of Arboreus, a single Lizard-Man herald under the white flag of peace approached the newly built gate to the Auriel Delta.  He had with him a treaty, penned by the Lizard-Men, that was made to end the conflict.  The Lizard-Men wished for their equality and had proven they were willing to fight fang and claw to be treated as equals.  He nailed the contract to the great wooden door, the last remnants of the Arboreus lumber mills, before turning and retreating.  He was shot dead not twenty paces from where he nailed the contract to the door.

The Assembly decided to end this civil war at once with a show of strength.  The full Sauriel High Legion was sent south deep into the Blightlands.  There, a one month battle killed nine out of every ten men that were in the Legion, and almost as many Lizard-Men.  But despite the dreadful loss of life, the Sauriel High Legion had slaughtered the Lizard-Men’s leaders and forced the remaining barbarians to retreat.  A pyrrhic victory, but victory nonetheless.  Many Hornheads and Bladebacks died that day, stunting their castes for generations, even to this day.  The Sauriel War was ended, and the price paid was a terrible one.


Chapter 7: The Three-Fold Empires; or the Age Just Past

The Sauriel War was over, though conflicts still remained.  Lizard-Men still prowl the Blightlands and other places.  Orcs continue to raid farms and villages, looking to take any foothold they can into the human empires.  Things continued on their natural course.

Aqueous, one of the few Sauriel cities to escape the conflict completely carved a treacherous but reliable pass through the mountains into the Xendrixian desert, creating a road to the gnoll encampment at the past Pharaoh’s ruins.  Aman, an astrologer from Aqueous, who was sick of the war and all the death it brought to the Herd, took an oath of pacifism and poverty.  His philosophies began to convert others to his school of thought, leading them down a path to enlightenment, through complete peace.

The landscape of the world began to change in the aftermath of the war.  From the literal ashes of Arboreus, a new city was formed by the survivors of the war, as well as nearby Orc raids.  The humans, gnolls, kobolds, and Sauriels all together named the city Ascendant, in hopes it would lift their spirits.  A human general from the Lehonti Empire in Malekiah brought with him his mean and rebuilt the city of Ardon for his home empire, renaming the city Honshar.  Honshar established a War College for both mage and warrior, which has since graduated many of the most prolific members of any military.  As a stopping point halfway down the Cirdon River, a citadel name Wysos was created by all races for the kingdom of Lehonti.

King Coralus the Second of the Volkrad Empire traveled by wooly elephant to the city of Aqueous to much pomp and circumstance.  He brought with him a proposal, mutually beneficial for both cities.  Aqueous no longer had support from the Auriel Delta, but was too important a city to lose in another terrible war.  King Coralus proposed that the city become part of his Volkrad Empire.  The local assembly took a full moon-cycle to deliberate, but in the end agreed.  It was not long for the new empire to share its knowledge with one another, making leaps and bounds in the science of engineering. 

Amon in his last years founded a philosophy college in Aqueous in protest to the Honshar War College in Honshar.  He died, worried that he had not done enough to leave Dunesko better than when he arrived.  At the same time, an order of his followers calling themselves the Order of the Pure Wind lead a pilgrimage of like-minded peace-seekers to the east.  They created for themselves a commune at the top of Vuori’Tuuli which they called the Home of the Wind.

The Sauriel Civil War had longer reaching political effects as well.  In Aphar, now its own entity separated from its mother city, found a political uprising.  Flyers began to rebel against the caste system there, protesting and calling for change, all in the name of equality, higher class jobs, and better payments.

Not long after the Sauriel War ended did the Xendrixian elves show their utter distaste for anything important.  They sent their messages to mages, wizards, warlocks, sorcerers, and any other with any arcane power to a competition, the Numen’s Duel.  It has happened every year since, during the Summer Solstice.  I have attended many myself, and while the elves have very little opinion of wars and governments, they make up for it in spectacle and social proclivity. 

Now, almost fifty years have passed.  The Three Empires continue to expand as more and more of the population spreads out from the water into the foothills and savannahs.  Ascendant has become the home for many of the gravely injured and ill, and the best medicine men and doctors live there now.  As a home to many veterans of many conflicts, war games and reenactments are the major source of pride for those there.

Dunesko is a dangerous place.  If it is not the orcs, it is the dragons.  If it isn’t the government, it is bandits and thieves.  But we all make due and try to live our lives.  And this, is my full accounting of the abbreviated history of Dunesko.


-------------------------------------------


An interesting note …

I am not a man who understands the weather or the stars.  But I do dabble in astronomy, and I have spoken with many philosophers and astrologers about the event that happened.  Kauhea’Tuuli came this year from much further south, destroying the city of L’Trel.  Gaddea has sent its men to the south to Aphar for support and trade to rebuild the city.  I fear they wish to expand once again. Kauhea’Tuuli was devastating this year, and I felt my walls shudder and quake for the first time ever here in Honshar as I finished penning my final draft of this collected histories.    I fear something terrible is on the horizon.  The 50th Numen’s Duel takes place this year.  There have been far too few accounts of Lizard-Men to the west.  There are reports that Orcs are forming cities.  And one of my colleagues has gone mad with his search for the unfindable.  As I look to the stars and moon for guidance, I see nothing good.  In fact, I wish to share with you all a dream I had.  Take it as a portent of terrible things to come.  Or the dreams of an aging scholar.

I saw a skull, carved of stone.  Stone that was alive, and heaved and breathed like a sleeping horse made of marble.  The skull was just a piece of a larger stone.  In its mouth, a symbol, ancient and profound.  I looked up its meaning … it meant in Xendrixia: the Infinite.  The stone glowed and around it, from the shadows, were new creatures born.  Creatures that had never existed, and should never be.  I reached out to touch the skull, but just as I felt the spark of some other-magic, just before my fingertips touch the warm, pulsating stone, I awoke. 

I write this, hand written and rushed.  I do not know why I write this, or how many will read it.  But I have at least written it.

~ Jacobi Bladeback



10.3.14

IHAO on ... EVERYTHING

Hey everybody!  I wanted to do an AMA, an Ask Me Anything.  I have an ask thingy over to the right of the screen, I have the facebooks, and I have a tumblr, so I enjoyed getting so many questions!  I am the many of infinite opinions, and here are just a few.  Thanks to everyone that participated.



Shopping Local v. Shopping chain
Jeff Allen

I personally like to shop online.  I like the idea of shopping locally, of supporting the stores that are around that are made by regular folks, but I also enjoy competitive markets and saving money.  So I shop online.  Restaurants are a little different, as I can’t restaurant online.  For that, it is a grab-bag, as you never know if those local places are going to be any good.  But it is always nice to try.


IHAO on ... League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Eric Morris

LXG is a movie that is not good, but has a lot of good in it.  Flemyng’s Hyde is a personal favorite of mine.  The action is silly and fun, the writing atrocious, the characters all interesting, and overall, the movie is harmless and fun, with a lot of flaws but nothing too incredibly stupid.  Grade: C+


What is your least favorite magic card of all time?
Daniel Lees

I play magic quite frequently nowadays, just like I did back in me good ole college days.  The most I was ever involved with Magic was during Ravnica block and Llorwyn block.  I had standard decks in both formats, and just played the most during that time.  And I can tell you straight up what card is my least favorite to play against: Circu, Dimir Lobotomist.  Not only did he mill, my least favorite alternate win condition, but he also shutdown your deck card by card.

Nowadays … I LOVE Circu.  I wanna have a Circu deck RIGHT THIS SECOND.  And I’m going to make one soon.  So I guess that can’t be my least favorite of all time, because I like him now.  So I guess my least favorite magic card of all time is … the handful that got covered with super sugary black coffee when I let a college friend borrow my Kamigawa stuff and he absolutely ruined a whole box of them. 


Is college or life a better teacher?
Jeff Allen

I would say life, except the best teacher of living I ever had was life DURING college.  Not the college classes, but the experience.  So somewhere in the middle of those two, college life is the better teacher.


I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day?
Nicole Clockel

Yes.


What is your favorite movie with an actor you hate in it?
Daniel Lees

My favorite movie with an actor I hate in it.  Ok, so not my favorite movie starring an actor I hate, just the first of my favorites that has an actor I hate within that film.  Ok.  Using handy-dandy Flickchart, one of my favorite websites, I see that it would be Constantine, which has Shia LeBoeuf in it.


What is your favorite DnD character?
Gabriel Taylor

Dungeons and Dragons is a game I will always adore.  And over the past two decades I’ve played and run a LOT of games.  I’ll split this up into three answers, my favorite DnD character (that I played), my favorite DnD character (made by the creators of the game), and my favorite DnD character (that I ran).

My personal favorite DnD character will always be my first good one, Haplo the Charming.  A half-elf bard who was also a spell-maker who got so good at thinking outside the box that my DM cursed the character to never be able to take another level in Bard again.  So he became of a Chronomancer to try to find a way to go back in time and allow himself to continue on his merry way.  He is everything I ever wanted to be: tough, cool under pressure, ingenuitive, sexy, and a hero, even if a fight with a siren left him bathophobia.

My favorite DnD character that was created by the makers of the game ... lots of people love R.A. Salvatore's stuff and Drizzt, the Drow.  But I hate all that.  I do love the Dragonlance series, and those characters (Tanis Half-Elven probably inspiring the half-elf nature of Haplo the Charming).  But I prefer Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's Death Gate Cycle to Dragonlance.  BUT ... one of their characters did crossover into my favorite setting, Ravenloft ... Lord Soth.  No, he isn't my favorite.  My favorite is his lackey, Azrael, a dwarven were-badger.  He is the first dwarf I ever liked, because he is nothing like Tolkien dwarves: he had no beard, just muttonchops; he was afraid of being deep in the earth; he was greedy not for gems but for power; he was ruthless, and a villain, but one you could relate with.  I love him.

My favorite DnD character that I’ve run a campaign for … man, there have been a lot of great ones.  Piers, the water elementalist.  Elsa, the precognitive enchantress.  Felix Oneshoe, the gnome abjurer that changed all gnomes forever.  All the characters from our college homebrewed world Thoradain, including Rainium the frog-man Warlock!  Coglin, the goblin hunter cursed to become a goblin himself.  Lots and lots of great characters, and with more campaigns in my future still, probably a lot more.  So I’ll say my favorite has yet to arise, just to be on the safe side.


What do you think of dog shows?
Daniel Lees

Dog shows are ridiculous wastes of times ... for other people that don’t affect me in the slightest.


Review the Gravity trailer.
Nicole Clockel

I watched the trailer, and immediately am shocked by the amount of sound and crunching going on in outer space.  Stupid.  Also, I just do not care for Bullock as a leading lady.  And the CGI, terrible.  I hope this movie loses every nomination it is nominated for.

ME FROM THE PAST: It doesn’t.


Another question, what are your thoughts on the whole concept of "The Academy Awards"?
Lenton Lees

Yup, I did sort these to make them more interesting.  Heh.  In theory, the Academy Awards should be really really useful.  And to a certain extent, they are.  But in the long run, they are just a marketing tool that, while entertaining, is ultimately unnecessary, because it is not driven by pure objectivity.


A - Who is the most overrated (1) actor, (2) politician and (3) athlete today ... 
Jeff Allen

Most overrated actor: Leonardo DiCaprio.  He does perfectly fine, but is always Leo.  He never loses himself in his roles, and just isn’t that great.  He does a great job at being Leo in whatever movie he is in, but a superb actor he is not.  A superb Leonardo DiCaprio, he definitely is.

Most overrated politician: Obama.  Not because of anything he’s done, but mostly because of everything people think he CAN do and he totally cannot.  Checks and balances, people.  The president cannot get much done, and thinking he can then getting upset when he doesn’t is dumb.  Stop overrating his status.

Most overrated athleteJohn Szczerbinski.  I do not know why everyone continues to back this guy, but he is never going to end up making it into the upper echelon of athletes.  He comes up short over and over again, making simple mistakes that cost him the match.  Give it a rest, Szczerbinski.


What are the three best reasons for Scrappy Doo?
Kevin McInturff

Scrappy Doo is a polarizing figure of cartoon history.  But here are three best reasons for his existence:
  1.     He saved the ratings on his first introduction, which saved the show and made it have the longevity it currently does
  2.   His existence helped spurn the understanding of the Cousin Oliver trope
  3.    His run on the show not only got toned down after immediately criticism, which enhanced his roles, such as in Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (my favorite Scooby Doo anything), but he was also removed from the franchise after only being on air for 8 years, but made the show last an additional 34 years from its looming 1979 cancellation.


and B- who is the most underrated in each of the same categories? [note: actor, politician, and athlete]
Jeff Allen

Most underrated actor: Yesterday I talked about Keanu Reeves very much in this mindset, but I don't think he actually is the most underrated actor.  I easily put it on Jeremy Renner.  That man deserves every accolade, does so well in everything he does, always performs well beyond where he NEEDS to for his script and film.  He works so hard, and was robbed of his Academy Award for Best Actor for Hurt Locker (Grade: A++, btw).  Fans love him, but he is still underrated in the industry.  Hopefully not for too much longer.

Most underrated athlete: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.

Most underrated politician: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.


My Question, If the Main Event of Wrestlemania 30 went on as Batista vs. Randy Orton, how would you book it?
Lenton Lees

Batista v. Randy Orton.  Heel versus Heel.  On the night where the good guys get their win, a night to make new faces, we have a main event that is two heels.  No way around it, we have to add a good guy into the mix somehow.  Personally, my favorite version that I’ve seen is that Daniel Bryan ends up facing HHH in the first match of the show, with the stipulation that if he wins, he is added to the main event.  So you have a grueling match, with Bryan kicking out of the pedigree, and ultimately beating HHH.  Then in the triple threat at the end, you have them fight and fight and fight, but Batista pins Orton to become the new champ, with Daniel Bryan on the sidelines trying to get back in the ring but just not quite making it.  

Then you get Bryan chasing the title all the way to Summerslam, where he one year ago beat John Cena and got screwed out of the title, and this year he finally beats Batista and holds the title high, no chance of getting screwed.

That seems the most likely and best scenario for long plan storytelling. 


Best of SNL lineup.  6 players, at least 2 females and 2 males.
Kevin McInturff

Wow, ok.  This one is incredibly hard.  A lot of the people will have to play double duty, and with only 6 members to make up the whole cast, it is difficult.  Plus, I have to use only cast members from the show, since it is a Best of.  Let’s see.  I’m going to prioritize people who can do multiple styles of comedy, and those who were writers when they were also on-air. 

With a restriction on at least two of each gender, I know I need at least that many.  So for my first two males, I am going to go for one of the best comedians from two different eras, who each brought good things with them.  Let’s go with Bill Hader and Phil Hartman.  I would die to see these two working together, and together they cover quite a bit of range.  For my two women, I’m not going to go as far back, but it will still be two different eras.  Amy Poehler and Cecily Strong.  Poehler did everything on the show except be a writer, and while Cecily is new, she is proving to be a very strong female performer and has taken over the Weekend Update desk.

That leaves me with two cast members left.  I immediately consider Darrell Hammond and Jason Sudeikis, both for being an “every man” impressionist that can cover a LOT of bases.  I’ll think on them for a bit.  Looking through the other women, I don’t actually see any I truly care about being around, with Jane Curtin being the only other female I REALLY think could add something really cool to the group so far.  Sidelined.
Looking at the classics, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Dan Aykroyd pop up immediately.  I really should have at least SOMEONE from the original eras fellas.  I think because of his writing and longevity, I’m going to go with Murray. That leaves me with one slot left.  There are so many great characters to choose from the world of SNL … but you know what, what I really think helped change things and make things better, and would be amazing to see working with the cast so far chosen, would be Andy Samberg for the Digital Shorts.

My line up then looks like, in alphabetical order: Bill Hader, Phil Hartman, Bill Murray, Amy Poehler, Andy Samberg, and Cecily Strong.  I like it.  Hard to narrow down, because I really do miss an acerbic wit like Norm Macdonald, David Spade, or Chevy Chase for the Weekend Update desk, and a man of color would not hurt either, but I feel this is a strong and funny cast, especially with Hartman, Murray, and Samberg as the writer’s team.


What's your opinion on penises as sex organs?  From sex appeal, utility, form factor, etc.  How well do they do their job?  How do they compare to other genitalia?
Drew Turner

The penis I think is formed pretty much perfectly.  It looks great, works exactly as it is supposed to, becomes compact when not in use to make carrying it around easier.  The vast majority of them do their job admirably.  Now, comparing it to the other genitalia is a harder comparison.  I think, in the end, the penis does its job perfectly, but the boobs are the best genitalia.  Because they are great.  Just the absolute best.
.

Three best alternate endings to a major motion picture.
Kevin McInturff

All right.  The first one that immediately pops to mind is Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.  The theatrical ending is that Scott gets Ramona, and that ending is terrible.  Scott learns nothing, he succeeds, certainly, but it is ultimately a pointless pursuit that rings hollow.  The ALTERNATE ending, Scott learns something about himself, and ends up with Knives, in a nicely done and earned finish that has the Scott character becoming much more interesting.  I will never watch the original ending again, this ending is so great.

Second.  Little Shop of Horrors.  I love the musical, love most of the film, and the actual ending, with the good guys all losing and the plants taking over … that’s the way it is supposed to be!  And it is great!  The song is great, the special effects are great, and it is just wonderful … except we do see all our protagonists dead.  In the musical version, all the protagonists come back to sing in the finale, which at least allows the audience to see everyone once more, and to see a company bow.  In a film, if you are dead, you are dead.  Credits.  I get why the ending was altered, but I love the original ending, and the effects were awesome. 

And third, I could go with Clue, because it had a bunch of endings, or Butterfly Effect for choking Ashton Kutcher with his own umbilical cord.  But I’m going with Dodgeball.  Because the alternate ending is just the protagonists losing, the bad guys winning, credits.  It was hilarious, and makes all the Deus Ex Machina jokes they use in the other ending even better.

19.11.13

Ravenloft Campaign: the Last Dance (Session 2)


Evening October 1st, 755 BC, Pont-A-Museau, Richemulot

After our heroes gathered themselves and checked to make sure Nthntuck and Vinzent were not dead, they banded together and waited.  Vinzent and Tuck (shorthand to make life easier on both the writing and the reading) stirred after about 30 minutes.  No one had been able to find a way in or out beyond the big metal door, but Tuck was a trained tracker and immediately followed the rat’s trails into a pile of rotting and destroyed furniture.   In the furniture was a small chest with Falkovnian gold coins and a diamond, that Elaine found, then passed out mostly equivalent wealth to everyone, leaving herself a big ole diamond to replace the pieces of quartz she had been using as casting material components.  Tuck wanted none, and continued to throw aside furniture until he found a cupboard.  Opening the doors, he found a small hole leading behind to another stairwell.

With everyone’s help, they moved the furniture to see a gently sloping staircase that was covered in condensation.  The sound of rushing water and some mechanical clanking came from beyond.  They took the stair case, which gentle curved left until it ended at a large docking area, where two enormous waterwheels turned, powered by an underground canal.  One of the waterwheels was wooden, while a second was metal or stone and set into the far wall, spinning at a very different, more deliberate and mechanical pace than the wooden one.

Vinzent considered destroying the wooden waterwheel as the others looked about, seeing the only way out as a small hole in the ceiling that a metal rod attached to the far waterwheel  seemed to be going upwards into.  That or the canal, which no one could see very far down.  As Tuck checked the walls for any kind of hidden script and Drew for doors, Violet shapechanged into a wasp to check out the areas down the canal. 

The canal’s ceiling quickly slopes down at both the entrance and exit from this room, making escape through the canal questionable at best.  Violet then flew upwards, being able to fit through the small hole.  It traveled up and up, somewhere around 30 feet, before popping out into an attic of some kind.  It had a catwalk that lead to a door that was wedged shut but with no lock and the clock tower of the school on the other side.  Inside the room was a cacophony of noise from hundreds and hundreds of turned and grinding gears.  Too many for just the clocktower, Violet realized.

She came back down and told the others what was going on upstairs as Dimitri had a minor breakdown.  Then Tuck spotted Graves at the top of the stair well.  Graves ran.  The heroes pursued.

During the run, Dimitri made contact with Graves after a few failed attempts.  Graves ran all the way out of the basement and left the metal door unlocked, allowing our heroes to leave.  Standing in the servants hallway, they gathered their breath before Tuck picked up Graves’ trail.  They all went down a small corridor along the side of the house that lead to the ballroom, where the wedding was to be taken place.

The ballroom was much like the rest of the house, dirty and empty and rundown.  They looked about for Grave’s trail when a sudden whirring of mechanics dropped 8 couples of marionettes to the floor, that all began to dance.  Marionettes that were made of corpses, lacquered, screwed, nailed, and wired together in a macabre scene.  Horror checks were made.  Two failed: Drew and Dimitri.  Drew ran in utter terror back the way he came, while Dimitri stared dumbfounded and … almost intrigued.  Vinzent followed after Drew, Dimitri following them.  Tuck, Elaine, and Violet shrugged off the horror and continued to track Graves, back into the game room.

Drew was a mess, doing everything he could to leave.  Vinzent and Dimitri tried to help, taking Drew back to the library.  In the library, they found it ransacked.  Chairs overturned, books thrown off shelves, an entire mess.  Dimitri threw his hands in the air in frustration.  Meanwhile, Tuck, Violet, and Elaine all continued to follow Graves’ tracks, which lead to the library.  Which also lead to two sets of double doors being open and the sight of the mechanical dancers to very much be seen by everyone in the library … including poor Drew and Dimitri.  Dimitri was already oddly fascinated by the things, but Drew manned up and got his aversion in check.

Dimitri, Drew, and Vinzent search the library as Tuck, Violet, and Elaine head out into the main hall, checking on Madame Tuvache.  In the main hall, more of the marionettes fall to the floor, these ones armed and attacking.  Other than a very minor scratch along Tuck’s chest, the stupid things had a mechanical pattern and were very easily avoidable.  They headed back to the library.

There, Vinzent and Drew found a secret compartment in a clock on the mantle, which had three scrolls in it.  None of them could read the ornate writing, but they could tell two were the same.  With everyone in the library, Drew gathered his items as Tuck continued to track Graves, finding him heading into a side door.  It lead to a tea room, with a strange orange glass door.  Elaine tried to open it and got gunk on her hand.  After a few minutes it became corrosive and ate through her hand and down to the bone before they washed it off.

They found a very nice silver tea set (Violet has appraising and knows what everything is worth) and they dolled it all out not particularly caring too much for who got what.  Another tracking check and Tuck takes them out another door that leads to the main hall way.  It only takes a minute for them to traverse the warrior-puppets.  Dimitri’s obsession seems to only be getting worse, though he does calm his mind enough to finally succeed on an ESP attempt (after a few failures) on Graves, whom he still has psionic contact with.  He reads Graves’ surface thoughts:

“I’m sorry … I’m sorry … please go away … I’m sorry …”

They head into the East Wing of Jerterriere and find a small room that Graves’ footsteps led to.  They bust down the door to find the old gaunt man sitting on his bed. 

Vinzent: “Is Lambert here?”
Graves:  “Yes.”
Drew:  “Is he alive?”
Graves: “… no.”


Next time, they learn more from Graves, and try to find poor Madame Tuvache.

12.11.13

Ravenloft Campaign: the Last Dance (session 1)

And so it begins …

November 28th through 30th, 755 BC, Pont-A-Museau, Richemulot

Over the course these days, our heroes (setup and party member details here) reached Pont-a-Museau and headed to Jerretiere independent of each other, other than Drew and Elaine who traveled together from their hamlet in Mordent.  At the front gates of Jerretiere, a former dance studio, a tall gaunt older man named Graves met them, but wouldn't let them into the estate until the wedding day on the first of the next month.  He gave them money, earmarked for them by their mutual acquaintance Docteur Christophe Lambert, to pay for a few evenings at a local tavern and inn, the Drunken Fool.  

At the tavern, the six all eventually met each other.  They conversed a bit, though none were forthcoming with information about why they were there except the Har’Akir Caliban, who saw no reason to hide that he had been asked to come and officiate the wedding of Docteur Christophe Lambert to his fiancĂ© Madame Araby Tuvache.

October 1st, 755 BC, Pont-A-Museau, Richemulot

Everyone was met at the tavern just before sunset by Graves with his carriage.  Both the Mordent natives were cagey because of it being Nocturne, especially the shaman.  Nthntuck was suspicious of Graves and sat with him upfront after a little protest from the worn driver.  In the carriage, the others all piled in and met Madame Tuvache herself.

She explained how she and Dr. Lambert met and about his love of her first husband’s old dance studio and wanted to have their wedding there.  Also that he had sent out close to twenty invitations, but these six were the only guests to come.  But she was concerned about terrible noises of some kind of monster in the basement.  Vinzent was immediately intrigued at her proposal that all of them check out the basement for some gold, but Drew was incredibly reluctant and eventually the whole thing was dropped.

They arrived at Jerretiere and were brought in to the main hall.  They all sat together with Madame Tuvache.  Drew asked where Dr. Lambert was, but Tuvache blew it off, saying he was looking for the perfect flowers.  "He has a bit of a temper and can be a perfectionisht," she shrugs, and the others agree, especially Violet. Then, a terrible sound from the basement roared up into the main hall.  Tuvache, weeping with fear, once more pleads that they look into it, but this time no one is having it, all unwilling to go down there this evening.  Tuvache then begins to go into hysterics, and in rage over Lambert's insistence of using "this damned old school", she calls off the wedding.

With Vinzent and Elaine both urging they check out the basement, and with Dimitri, Nthntuck, and Violet not arguing against it, Drew gave in not wanting to ruin the wedding.  Nthntuck cast a Sanctuary spell over Madame Tuvache, and Graves escorted them through the game room and the library to the stairs to the basement, stuck back in the servant's quarters.  They head down, Graves leaving to take care of wedding matters.

In the basement, they find just a bare room with only a single armoire.  Vinzent takes a gander, but it merely holds a pretty nice looking clock, but the clock is broken, saying it is 5 til midnight.  A quick look around the room found two locked doors lead to other rooms.  

Drew checked the clock after Vinzent and rolled to commune with the spirits.  He succeeded, hoping to speak with his mother.  Instead he saw a small blue beetle spirit sitting atop the clock with an enlargened thorax and a skull symbol on its back.  He asked the beetle why it was there, and the beetle just clicked; the clock struck midnight.  A small dwarf miniature spun around and began to bang on a blue marble.  One that Drew at that moment noticed was filled with some sort of liquid or gas that was jostling.  He noticed just as it shattered, and he saw hundreds of the blue beetles pour out of the clock, covering the floor and making everyone cough.  Some form of gas had escaped, and was very poisonous.

A few took in a lot of the gas, but it sank to floor level quickly without too much exposure.  They checked the upstairs door only to find it locked.  Vinzent, tired of his charade, threw a bundle of sticks he carried with him to the floor so he could retrieve his hidden rifle.  Of course, this kicked up some of the poison, which he nearly choked and killed himself on.

With the door upstairs being metal, they decided to try to break into the two other doors. Neither of our thieves know how open locks well, and even if they did, neither carried lockpicks.  With some cracks from Dimitri’s hand axe and a shot of the rifle, they break into one of the doors, to find a wine cellar, though mostly empty of wine now.  Just a few centipedes and a chest that served as a rats’ nest, though three bottles were still there.

They bust their way into the next door to find a hallway, with a closet to the right and an unlocked door forward.  Nthntuck went ahead, footman’s mace in hand, as everyone else checked the closet, finding lots of gear including a sword and scale mail.  Nthntuck entered the next room, to find it glowing green with lots of red eyes staring at him.

And this … is where everything went wrong.  These rats, these one-hit-to-kill giant rats, nearly killed two part members, and no one could hit them for the longest time.  To say that our heroes are not combat monsters is an understatement.

Turn starts with Nthntuck casting Sanctuary on himself after the rats all attack him.  3 of the rats run off, and promptly attack the group in the hallway.  As Vinzent gets on one knee to shoot a rat, it launches itself through the air and lands on his face, ripping out a chunk of his cheek and scratching him up, dropping him to Death’s Door, bleeding from his face.  Dimitri pulls his hand crossbow and shoots at the rats now on Vinzent … 

and shoots Vinzent in the shoulder.  Meanwhile, the two rats that made their save drop Nthntuck in one round, ripping open his inner thigh.  Elaine creates a Chromatic Orb and completely wiffs on the roll to hit.  Drew tries in vain to use a sword, as he has no training whatsoever in it and all his weapons and such were left upstairs (he cast Weighty Chest on his belongings, so no one can screw with them, but he didn’t bother to bring them with him). 

Violet used a Beastmark to trick the rats into thinking she is one of them and went into the other room, scaring off the rats feasting on the dying Nthntuck.  Dimitri, abandoning his crossbow, tries to contact the rat that was clawing and biting into Vinzent’s face (who has now taken a permanent loss to Charisma).  And he does … only to roll a 20.  A natural 20 for psionics is BAD NEWS.  His mind does contact the rat, and then a strange purple energy surge happens as the rat kicks Dimitri’s mind out of its and its eyes glow purple before it scurries off, Dimitri completely unable to sense it psionically any longer.


Elaine grabs a shield from the closet and tries to protect Vinzent as Drew continues to slap at the rats in the hallway.  Violet gives up her Beastmark and finally pulls out her sling … and the slaughtering begins.  One sling stone into the head of the rat biting Dimitri.  Next round, more flailing from Elaine and Drew, until Violet kills another with her sling.  The last rat runs, Drew bandages Vinzent to stop the bleeding, and they take a small breather, as session 1 ends.

Session 2 means more exploring of the basement, and trying to find away up and out, plus confronting Graves, who they are sure is responsible.

7.11.13

Ravenloft Campaign: the Last Dance (cast and set up)

So a new gaming season has started.  And I cannot be happier to be in my favorite setting, Ravenloft 2nd Edition.  Quick overview if you don't know: Ravenloft is a realm of darkness, a prison plane for evil things, with actual souls down there as well who are struggling to survive.

Our characters are all heroes in their own right, though only just beginning their journey (in other words, I didn't start them at level 1, and wanted them all to have some power and skill to them before we started).  The schtick of the adventure is that all our cast met a man in their travels, Docteur Christophe Lambert, a Dementlieu surgeon.  They all received a unique letter asking them to come to his upcoming wedding in Pont-a-Museau Richemulot, which they all agreed to do.

 Our cast:
 - Vinzent Albrecht (Human Thief 3), a Falkovnian farmer drafted into war and given a rifle when the Darkonese Sorcerer-King Azalin Rex disappeared ... only to have the army be wiped out by undead at the border yet again.  He returned to his farm to find it ransacked, and has spent the past 3 years stealing to survive.
 - Violet Stout-Tallfellow (Halfling Hivemaster 1/Thief 2), a Tepestani Halfling gardener and druid (but only of bugs) who had an affair with Dr. Lambert 10 years ago, and has trekked a very long distance to come to the wedding, experiencing things along the 3 month trek to get there.
 - Dimitri (Half-Vistani Psionist 2), a Barovian born psionic, telepath, who left to make some money, got into a LOT of trouble in Dementlieu, and fled to Richemulot, where he now uses his mind-reading abilities and Vistani heritage (and alias) to scam people by "telling their fortunes."
 - Nthntuck (Caliban Cleric of Osiris 2), a member of the Order of the Green Hand who was formerly a high ranking and powerful cleric before he resurrected a desert vampire named Palik who drained his levels and his life away to his current state.  He is searching for Palik to bring the walking dead to justice.
 - Elaine "the Great" (Human Invoker 2), an invoker from a small hamlet in Mordent who was trained by the creepy old man in the town, calling himself Tenser the Magnificent.  She has just finished her apprenticeship and is heading to the wedding in Tenser's stead, as Tenser is now a hermit who does not wish to travel.
 - Allenthalis "Drew" Turner (Half-Elf Shaman 2), a Mordentish young man with the unique ability to see spirits (sometimes) and commune with them; his mother is a spirit that has continued to train him past her own death.

We've had two sessions, which I'll write about at a later date.  See ya soon for more.