IHAO on ... Galavant season 1

ABC has been doing a pretty cool thing.  You see, television is changing as a medium to broadcast entertainment.  With Netflix and the increase in DVD sales, but mostly Netflix, television channels need to produce content not only more often, but more efficiently to keep the audience tuning in.  But there has been no way to improve the actual amount of time it takes to make an episode of a television show: roughly 7 days for a complicated 30 minute show and 9 or 10 days for an hour-long show.  Yeah, look at those numbers.  Simple math let's you know that they have to start airing things before they are done filming an entire season.  On top of that, human decency means that there are times when those actors, grips, props guys, producers and the like all get time off, like Christmas.  Add in scheduling conflicts and random accidents, making a television show becomes a much larger endeavor.

So, like I said, ABC has been doing a pretty cool thing.  They have been creating short-run shows, with smaller episode orders, to fill in the gaps of broadcasting when their regular shows have to take the breaks in broadcasting that are inevitable.  Agent Carter is the post-WW2 super-spy Marvel show that filled the gap of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.  But considering I just cannot get into Agents of SHIELD, I also didn't really give Agent Carter much of a thought.  But I have heard good things.  Wait, I'm getting off track.

So, as I've said a few times before, ABC has been doing that pretty cool thing.  And even cooler, their big show Once Upon a Time had to take a break, so they brought together a super talented group of people to make a short 8-episode musical comedy miniseries show, Galavant!  Hit the music!

See what I did there?

Galavant is a musical, made by everyone involved that made Disney's Tangled, except it is a tongue-in-cheek live action comedy.  It is ... pretty good.  Good enough that I wanted to talk about it with all of you folks.  The characters are all interesting, the performances are all fun, the sets are amazing, the costuming mostly great, and the story is classic.  It is one of my favorite things to talk about, actually, when it comes to how "silliness" affects narrative.  There are a few ways to do it.  There's to have a silly premise and then treat everything as seriously as you can, despite the silly, which I have really loved in One Piece.  Then there's having a serious premise, which then some silly things can happen but you stay true to your goals, which is how I like to run roleplaying games.  Then there's Galavant, which takes the piss right on the whole binary concept I just made up and goes straight down the middle.  The characters are all thought out and serious, except thy are ridiculous and silly.  The plot is a great fantasy plot, except some of the details are just ridiculous.  The musical nature of the show leads to comedic songs all the way through and meta-jokes, like asking when someone learned how to dance after a number, but then there's other moments of just straight drama.

Galavant is not going to be for everyone, mostly because it doesn't do one things straight through.  It enjoys every element it can have.  Serious songs, silly songs, important character beats, ridiculous ones, they are all mixed in.  And with that mixed bag, I would absolutely call Galavant a mixed bag.  I enjoyed quite a bit of it, and then I found myself going "meh" for bits of it.  Especially some of the songs, as they tend to always shoot for joke songs, and I really would like there to be a non-joke song every once in awhile so that I could just hear these good actors sing.

So why should you be excited for it?  Because it is a cool new way of thinking about television!  It is higher quality programming with a smaller episode order that is used as a win-win between bigger shows, but in fact is way better than the bigger show that surrounds it.  Once Upon a Time looks fake and CGI-y all the time, and the acting is so ponderous and heavy that it gets bogged down.  Galavant is able to do most of the same tropes, with better sets and costumes AND actors, with an amazing team, but it is a quarter of the length, so you can enjoy it and be done with it.  On top of that, the season finale absolutely shows that ABC is planning to give its audience even more, which is only a good thing in my book.

I would say give it a shot.  At 30 minutes and episode, and only 8 episodes, even if you don't care for a small part of it, it'll be over quickly, and you can move on to great other things.  Me, I'm excited.  Rutger Hauer, Vinnie Jones, that guy from Frankenstein's Army, two hot chicks, Magnitude, and the only good thing from Psych, all working together to make something with the guys who made Tangled, the last Disney musical.

Grade:B+

IHAO on ... Horns

Joe Hill is a writer I've enjoyed for quite awhile.  Locke and Key is a comic book I could not put down and loved getting until my local comic shop screwed up my order and got me behind and missing pieces.  I'll eventually fix it.  In the back of one such comic of Locke and Key, Joe Hill put a few chapters of his book "Horns."  It was awesome.  I've been excited about it for a long time.  Then I found out about the film version, and I got more excited!  And I finally got it on blu ray after it never came around my town for a cinema release, and ...

Street Sharks drum roll ...

It is fantastic!  It is super super duper good.  With a few minor problems objectively and one really really petty subjective problem, it is absolutely a great film, and probably would have made my list of Best movies of 2014 if I had been able to see it then.  Luckily, is a frontrunner for this year instead!

Horns is a fantasy thriller about a depressed and downtrodden Ig, a young man who is seemingly wrongly charged with the murder of his long-time girlfriend.  The entire town hates him, telling him to go to hell.  Also, he wakes up with horns growing out of his head.  And things just start going weirder, a little darker, a little funnier, and a lot more thrillingly.

Horns revels in its characters, its actors, and its story.  It is an emotionally powerful narrative with awesome actors like Daniel Radcliffe and Juno Temple, and a truly edge of your seat mystery, all brought to a fever pitch because of all the imagery and actual demonic powers happening.  The film has a very familiar narrative format, probably because Joe Hill is the son of Stephen King and the two of them have an incredible way of stringing a narrative together.  Better than all of that, Alexander Aja, the director, does an amazing job with really pushing what a film can do.  He uses amazing visuals, awesome camera work, and breakneck pacing to crank this film to 11.  I mean, truly amazing visuals.  The makeup work is just phenomenal.  Probably the best makeup work I've seen in a film in years.

The film is mostly flawless.  There are very few female characters, and most of them we only hear their dark and dirty secrets which wouldn't paint any character favorably, and in fact it doesn't beyond a small handful.  And the treatment of its lead female for the purpose of plot could possibly really hurt some folks who are sensitive to women being "fridged."  I understand the problem, but don't personally think it hurts things in this film.  Much like the Bechdel test, women being fridged is not a quality problem, but a litmus test that shows a larger problem in writing.  There are stories that need to be told and can be told when unfortunate things happen to people, and love and revenge and murder are all thrilling story components.  But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the fridging.  Also, I'm being purposefully obtuse about that wording just in case it is a little too spoilery for some.

This was the best fridge gif I could find.  Also, link here for learning more about women in fridges.

The other objective problem is that there are CGI snakes, and sometimes, the layering is pretty lazy.  Like, they are clearly fake snakes.  And ... yup, that's it.  That's all the negatives I have from a filmmaking perspective.  And they are completely negligable, in my opinion, because of the ride and performances this film gives us.  The film is a DEEP film, with lots to sift through and a whole lot of amazing shots, effects, and symbolism, but none of it so in your face to ruin the experience.

I have one incredibly lame subjective problem that is not a problem, but I figured I'd share it: this film has a real pulpy feel to it.  It is a dark, thrilling fantasy murder mystery.  And there is some awesome nudity and emotional stuff (that is not a phrase I thought I'd write, huh) as well as satire and comic stuff as well as action, just ... so so much great stuff.  And ... the emotional stuff didn't quite get me.  I've become a softy, and the film didn't make me cry.  Yeah, my only other negative is that this awesome movie didn't make me cry.  Shut up, me.

Grade: A++

IHAO on ... a bunch of movies!! - 26 Reviews

Hello everyone! 

Time is an enemy to everyone who is trying to do anything important.  Or at least time-sensitive.   I love being able to write reviews for everyone about everything, current, old, wrestling, television, just on everything, as well as writing all the sillier or more intricate reviews, like the Arbitrary Numbers and the Fantasy Bookings.  But that leaves very little time for me to be able to actually cover everything.  I can’t put out two reviews a day, because that is too much to ask you folks to read.  And I only put out 5 a week, but every week there is probably on average one new film or wrestling event to writing about, and that takes a slot.  Then there are weeks with many films, like I’ve had recently and will be moving into with Oscar season continuing.

So I came up with an idea.  I asked my facebook to give me a list of movies that they did not think I had seen.  I absorb entertainment and media like a sponge, and have watched a LOT of movies.  This way I can give shorter reviews on a bunch of things people might not think I’ve seen, as well as have a fun bank of things to come back to when I need inspiration.  In the nice long list of films, I probably saw a fifth of them, which is a great number.  So I’m going to review all 26 of the movies that were suggested that I have seen.  This will be a rapid fire barrage of reviews.  Let’s get going!

 Dinosaurs! – Nicole Clockel
An edu-tainment Claymation-y fun short about dinosaur life.  I remember specifically sitting with my best friend at the time, Karl, when we were 7 or 8 at his house, and between playing TMNT SNES games or with figures or running around outside, we watched this little video.  I’ve seen it since then as well, but it is a silly thing to talk about.  It is purposefully silly, and all kinds of weird, but really enjoyable.  It is on youtube, and I’ll linky it here.  I definitely think it is worth your time, because of nostalgia for some of you and just for fun in general.  It isn’t great by any means, but it is fun.
Grade: C+



Rat Race – Lenton Lees 
The semi-rebooting, more “another version” of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Rat Race features an incredible cast, and is a big ole chase/race comedy.  It is hilarious, has some heart, and some awesome music.  It is probably one of the best comedies to introduce people to a bunch of great comedians all at once, including Mr. Bean, Seth Green, Whoopi Goldberg, John Cleese, Breckin Mayer, Amy Smart, and Jon Lovitz.  Really enjoyable, though it doesn’t quite shoot that extra mile.  It sits in a nice comfortable zone that most good comedies do, where it is real good, but the actual film never tries to be any greater than that.  Highly recommend.
Grade: B++

The Longest Yard – Lenton Lees
Wrestlers!  Sandler the last time he was funny!  Except there’s sequences of it totally not being funny, too, because Sandler has to always ALWAYS write his characters as having enormous penises or getting the hottest women in the world.  But that’s fine, because that has very little actual impact on the movie.  This is probably one of my favorite sports films I’ve seen.  It actually goes that extra mile in film quality and technique, as well as just having incredible actors in Burt Reynolds, William Fichtner, Terry Crews, and a slew of awesome wrestler … not “cameos” as everyone’s screentime and character weight is larger than that.  It is an incredibly fun sports movie with a moving story, it is really funny, and even though it blatantly steals an entire scene from the British remake of the Longest Yard, Mean Machine, it is still a really fun movie that is also really good.  Probably my favorite Sandler film, and easily the one I think that is his best film.
Grade: A++

Ernest Saves Christmas – Lenton Lees
Here’s the thing about Ernest: you either love Jim Varney’s shenanigans, or you just don’t get it or see a point.  I personally find Ernest endearing.  In fact, this is the first Ernest film I saw, which is good, because it is also easily his highest budgeted, best looking, best acted, best directed, BEST Ernest film.  It tells a great story, has fun comedy, and is a Christmas classic in the Jessel household.  On top of that, I do believe it has my absolute favorite Santa Claus in film, played by the same dude who is the Sultan and Jasmine’s father in Aladdin!  He is perfect as Santa, and adds some amazing gravitas to what could have just been a frivolous and silly kids movie.  It isn’t one of the best movies ever made, and the effects are absolutely dated, but it is a wonderful movie.
Grade: B++

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut – Lenton Lees
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have made all of two things I like: South Park and Book of Mormon.  I do not like BASEketball, I don’t like Cannibal: the Musical, I don’t like Orgazmo.  But this movie is excellent.  It is an amazingly well made musical parody of just about every single style of musical, from Les Mis to Disney to Sound of Music.  The story itself has a purpose to exist as a film because it is about censorship, parental choices, and really nice satire of the “crusade” against cursing.  I really think this movie does everything right.  And its unique animation style makes it in a sense timeless, which is great!  Great movie.
Grade: A+

Much Ado About Nothing (Whedon version) – Lenton Lees
Not every movie that is a good movie I like.  Wes Anderson movies prove that.  As does this one.  One of the best things about Shakespeare is that every adaptation is 100% the director’s intention.  And some of Joss’ choices are awesome.  And some are not.  I think Whedon was able to really elevate the parts of Claudio and Don Pedro fantastically, making both parts have a lot more weight and interest than most versions of the show.  He also made some very good comedic choices early in the film.  But very quickly, the comedy of this comedy goes away.  And that’s … just … wrong.  Much Ado About Nothing is a comedy, pure and simple.  And Whedon treated it as a drama.  And that is a disservice to a lot of the characters, a lot of the language, and a lot of other choices.  Dogberry wasn’t particularly funny, even though he’s written to be.  Don Jon isn’t very menacing because everything is treated so seriously so he isn’t a foil.  Benedict and Beatrice don’t have a banter-filled romance because the banter is more catty and snide than humorous and joyful.  There are some bits I really enjoyed, generally whenever he had the actors get more physical, because otherwise they just pontificate into the wind at each other.  In the end, Whedon focused on the “Much Ado” while forgetting the point that it is all about “Nothing.”
Grade: B-

Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars! – Jason Abraham
I’ve been saving this one for a Nanarsday review, but I’m MORE than happy to talk about this HORRIBLE MOVIE now!  It is a gloriously terrible movie about a man who has sex with an alien vacuum cleaner, and it becomes a rapist and rapes a woman, who gives birth to a human-vacuum hybrid baby.  It is gross, and hilarious, and terrible.  One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen and I LOVE IT!  I found it randomly years ago, and it is a pride of my collection of films because of its ridiculous-ness.  Really, if anyone ever wanted to watch it, FIND ME and we’ll watch it that second.
Grade: F+

Chasing Amy – Jason Abraham
I have a love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith.  I either love his films and buy into them completely, or hate them and find them worthless.  Chasing Amy falls in the worthless category.  The script is preachy, the situation is so narrow that no one can relate to it, making the characters unlikable and just complainers.  Smith doesn’t direct Affleck very well here, which is crazy considering how great Affleck is in other Smith films.  It just … I just hate this movie.  Give me Dogma, Mallrats, or Clerks II any day.
Grade: C--


Dawn of the Dead; Day of the Dead; Land of the Dead – Tony Daniel
I love this little bit.  I may have never seen Night of the Living Dead, but I have absolutely seen and own all of the Romero trilogy of Dead films.  Comes with being married to a zombie lover.  Let’s touch on all of these:

Dawn of the Dead – This film is perfect.  Acting, tension, shots, characters, story, everything.  This may just be my favorite zombie movie, period.  I was blown away because what I THOUGHT this movie was and what it actually is are two VERY different things.  The effects are real old and not very good looking, but I like to see them like a time capsule of effects, and completely buy into them.  I say it all the time, but dated-ness is not a real negative, and these may not be the best effects, but they are great effects for what they are.  I cannot recommend this film more highly.  Grade: A++

Day of the Dead – I thought this would be my favorite, and I do really like it.  It is much more of what I thought it would be.  And it easily has one of the best villains a zombie film has ever had in it.  It also explores the zombie mythos more, which is very cool, and Romero continues to push the envelope with his characters.  It has better effects and is really interesting … but just not as good as Dawn.  I don’t know if I can put my finger really on why, but I think it is something to do with our protagonist, who while being interesting just isn’t as good of an actress, and the pacing of the film itself is a little off, leading to some boring stretches.  But the effects, and the other characters, are all well worth price of admission here.  Grade: B+

Land of the Dead – So Dawn of the Dead got a remake, and Romero was all “I can make a ‘modern’ zombie film better than that.”  So he continued the story of his world of zombies.  And man, I love it.  It isn’t as good as the last few, but it has some GREAT characters, some awesome world building, and while the plot is less interesting, the overall effect leaves me very happy.  I love this movie, even if it began the decline in quality of Romero’s writing.  Grade: B++

The Man Who Knew Too Little – Beth Lyons
This comedy was actually suggested to me by Beth probably a year or so ago, so I bought it, and I watched it.  I wish I had been writing reviews then, because then I wouldn’t have to think about this movie again.  Oh, yeah, that should make it obvious, I don’t like the movie.  I don’t think it is bad, I just didn’t find most of its comedy very good.  The entire idea is fine, and some of the scenes are fine, but the whole product just leaves me cold, as our protagonist has to be continually stupider and stupider to allow the very thin premise of “believes all the spy stuff is fake, accidentally gets caught in real spy stuff” to continue.  The climax of the film is just long and tedious with the whole Russian dance sequence and the bomb and … ugh.  I just did not care for the film, and really do not think it is very good, and mostly forgettable.
Grade: C--

The Bank Job – Jason Schmidt
Good ole Jason Statham.  Action star, good actor, British.  Ok, so Bank Job isn’t a GREAT movie.  It’s a real good one, though.  Based on a real heist, with some good actors and some great camera work, the film works.  I’ve seen a lot less memorable Statham films, though this one only barely jumps above that pack.  It isn’t great, but it is fun.  And if you are a history person or a heist person, this one may do even more for you.  For me, it was just a good movie.
Grade: B

Jackie Brown – Jason Schmidt
Jackie Brown is a neat little movie.  That actually sounds more belittling than I mean it to.  It has a slow first act, but not a BAD first act, just a slow one, that builds really well to an amazingly well made finish.  Lots of great actors all throughout the film, including the wonderful Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson playing the character that we all actually attribute to him in the modern zeitgeist, and Robert De Niro who may have … 8 lines in the whole movie?  But it is still one of his best roles.  I really like this movie.  It isn’t the easiest sit because of that long first act that really needed an editor, and Robert Foster is good but doesn’t quite keep me as interested for those long sections as Tarantino has found Christoph Waltz can.  But it is still a very good, very ambitious movie.
Grade: B+

State and Main – Jason Schmidt
David Mamet is a playwright, director, and a screenwriter and director.  He is known for things like Glengarry Glen Ross and American Buffalo, but he’s done a lot of other stuff.  State and Main is one of those other stuffs.  It … isn’t particularly good.  There are bits and pieces I really like in there, but there is also some stunt casting that does nothing for me and some of the comedy beats come across VERY Mamet, in that every character rushes through their dialogue as fast as they can.  The actual movie is about the filming of a movie in a little town because they like a stained glass window, and all the turmoil it causes everyone.  I don’t really think it is worth a watch, but for some people, all that fast-talking is actually a turn-on.  If you are a Aaron Sorkin fan, this may just be up your alley.
Grade: C-

Devil’s Advocate – Jason Schmidt
I love talking about good Keanu Reeves films.  Mostly because I think he is an underrated actor.  As an actor myself, I can see the actual “craft” in what he is doing, and I get why for some he doesn’t come across like he acts.  He is very stoic faced a lot of the time, and his voice is generally calm no matter the emotion.  But what Keanu does really well is expression of emotion through his eyes and his body.  There are very few actors who can pull of supreme confidence just by standing there saying nothing like Keanu can.  And there are very few that can show the deterioration of a soul like Keanu can, that slow wearing down that was necessary for this film.  Devil’s Advocate is a GREAT movie.  It is a morality play in a time period when morality was pretty gauche to begin with.  Al Pacino is fantastic in the movie as well.  It is a great film.  One I used to own, and I need to buy again.  I recommend.
Grade: A+

Man on the Moon – Jason Schmidt
The biopic on Andy Kaufman, made by dear friends of Andy Kaufman, paying homage to the man, played by the only person anyone that knew Kaufman thought could play him.  This is a great biopic.  It has great music.  It has great acting.  It has a compelling, albeit very movie-fied as admitted by the prologue of the film, story of the real life of this enigmatic actor.  I own the soundtrack.  I own the film.  I love both.  It is a shame that Jim Carrey did not get the Oscar for this performance, but of course he should have since 1999 was the year of terrible Oscar decisions and Shakespeare in Love sweeping through almost everything.  Man on the Moon was called by some the best picture of 1999, and others just didn’t get it.  Which is kind of perfect when it comes to talking about Andy Kaufman.  I highly recommend to anyone that loves comedy and the history of comedy.
Grade: A++

Mars Attacks! – Jason Schmidt
My dad took me to see this movie.  My mom didn’t like that he did.  It is a weird, silly, off-putting, crazy kind of film.  Definitely not for everyone.  It is absolutely unique, and everything I want from a Tim Burton film.  It also holds the honor of being the only live-action film based on a trading card series, which is a mindboggling piece of information by itself.  A tongue-in-cheek homage to 50s sci-fi horror films, and filled with just … craziness.  Man, I just … this is a weird movie kids.  Too weird to be good, too weird to be bad, it is its own brand of quality.
Grade: W (for weird … I actually give it a C)

The Departed – Jason Schmidt
Hey, wanna know a great movie?  The Departed.  Done.  Go watch a great movie.  What you need more?  How about its pedigree of actors and directors and cinematographers?  I’ll wait while you imdb it.  I know right?  How about the incredible filmmaking just in general?  Or the tight script?  Or the intriguing characters?  Or the amazing conceit?  Or the original that is ALSO good, but this remakes for western audiences in an old school mafia way that transcends the original?  This movie is great.  Period.  Watch it.
Grade: A+

Black Swan – Jason Schmidt
Darren Aronofsky is so so good.  And Black Swan is amazing.  Tense, thrilling, psychological, amazing acting from Natalie Portman (got an Oscar for it, well deserved), this movie is phenomenal.  The music is of course going to be great because it is Swan Lake.  But really, this movie is amazing.  It should have gotten at least a cinematography and a best director nod.  It got neither.  These kind of psychological thinky thrillers tend to not do well in the Oscars.  Aronofsky deserves awards.  And this film is one of his best, written as if tailored to his style specifically even though it wasn’t.  Watch this very very intense film some time.
Grade: A++

Waterworld – Jason Schmidt
Waterworld is one of the biggest financial flops in history.  Doesn’t make it a bad movie, though.  It makes it a great punchline, but as a fantasy movie, it is actually all kinds of AWESOME.  The setting is all practical and all amazing.  The acting is great from Dennis Hopper and even Kevin Costner.  The script is a great story filled with little nods and secrets to the what happened in the world.  The action is awesome.  I love the movie, and really don’t understand why others don’t.  Maybe because they only know the joke and never actually watched the thing.  Give it a chance.
Grade: A++

12 Monkeys – Jason Schmidt
Time travel movies are difficult, and sometimes their plots just don’t quite add up.  Other times they are too simple.  12 Monkeys is both.  Confusing and simple.  I don’t think it is a bad movie, it has some real interesting parts to it and some good acting.  But I ultimately found it boring.
Grade: B-

Four Rooms – Jason Schmidt
Four very different vignettes from four pretty different directors all based around rooms in a hotel.  Uh … I guess I’ll say this: Tim Roth is great.  Each individual sequence is so incredibly different I’ll just grade each one.
Part 1: D
Part 2: C-
Part 3: A+
Part 4: B+
So when I watch it, I just skip to the middle.  Yup.

Deathproof – Jason Schmidt
Man, I do not know how to talk about this one ... ok, lemme list the things that are good. The direction is fantastic. The movie looks and FEELS good, from a filmmaking and thematic standpoint. Kurt Russel is AMAZING as Stuntman Mike. The action and car sequences are really amazing and frenetic. A lot of the things that I love from Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained are here and this is the prototype for him directing like that. This movie is a bridge from his old style (which I generally don't care for) and his new style. There is a lot to like. But this movie SERIOUSLY needed an editor. A stronger edit would have helped this movie incredibly. And another sequence of Stuntman Mike doing what he does would have been perfect. Trim down all the standard Tarantino talky talk that didn't really do very much and give us another Stuntman Mike sequence. Tarantino learned to trim himself for Basterds and Django, making much stronger, engaging films. And that's the problem, I suppose. I really wanted to be engaged the whole time, and was really only engaged when Kurt Russel was onscreen and for the basics of the chicks. The genre subversion at the end was interesting, but for me, abrupt, and right at the end, I actually found myself rooting for Stuntman Mike because I knew more about him and understood him better, and he had less dialog than the chicks that I was supposed to be rooting for. Showing, not telling, made him a stronger, more engaging character. And they just left Mary Elizabeth Winestead with the crazy redneck! What the heck!? This movie is hard to grade. I can see myself wanting to watch it again, and I LOVED everything with Kurt Russel, but I dunno if I wanna slog through the rest.Grade: B-

High Fidelity – Jason Schmidt
One of the first “serious” comedies I’ve ever seen, it made a huge impact on me.  I am a collector and sponge for media much like John Cusack is in the film, though my own life and his represented in the film has nothing in common, and I don’t actually relate to him, but that doesn’t actually matter.  He resonates.  And his relationship struggles opened my eyes.  The film is unique, which is a huge plus.  It is a really well written and well acted film, so that’s real cool.  Honestly, though, it just didn’t stick with me like I thought it would, and I don’t care to see it again.  I don’t hate it.  I just don’t like it.  I remember how good it was, but that’s the extent of it.
Grade: A

Harvey – Cindy Carrin
The only Jimmy Stewart film I’ve seen and loved.  It is a great play, a great old movie, and just awesome all around.  A classic.  You absolutely should watch it.  Everyone.  Do it.
Grade: A+






And there we have it!  A LOT of films reviewed in a handy dandy quick way with beautiful pictures that took me way too long to format.  Thanks everyone, and I am positive I will do an exercise like this again!  Until tomorrow, where we have some newer films, a Wes Anderson film, some wrestling, and probably other stuff!

Nanarsday ... The Ice Pirates

The fun thing about really bad movies is that they are not at their best watched like a normal film.  They are done at best by sharing the terrible nature of these films with a group.  Drinking games, snarky riffing MST3K style, or just having it on in the background so that every now and again the weirdness allows for short moments of enjoyable levity between whatever else you may be doing with your social circle; that is how some of the best worst movies are experienced.  The Ice Pirates is indeed the perfect film for this kind of viewing.

Some bad movies I've talked about are more fun to enjoy as a real film.  This movie ... that is not the case.  My oh my, is Ice Pirates not the case.  This movie is bad.  Super duper very very uber bad.  It is a semi-comedy, semi-parody, semi-action movie that is sort of kind of being Star Wars.  Sort of.  It's real bad when Spaceballs has a higher production quality than you do as a space "epic."

Plot: Water is basically gone everywhere except on one planet, that is ruled by the evil Templars, and the only people who can get water to the galaxy is the noble pirates.  We follow our pirate heroes as they try to steal some ice, end up almost stealing a princess, then getting captured, almost turned into eunuchs, escape, and ... just so many more things happen.

I'm going to go ahead and put this out there; this movie is boring.  If you were just watching it alone, I am not positive you could make it through the first 40 minutes without dozing off.  I know I couldn't.  I have tried to watch this movie for years, and without fail would always end up falling asleep.  I am not sure what it is that makes movies like this.  They tend to be comedies for me, and they always seem to have stuff happening, like ... Ice Age is a movie I've only made it through maybe twice and every other time fallen asleep.  Maybe it has to do with the "ice".  Anyway, the pace of the movie, the music, the acting choices, the really bad direction, all of it leads to sleepytime by yourself.

But didn't I just lead into this review talking about watching this movie with friends!  That's what I did this time!  And I would very much suggest everyone do that!  Because there are some tiny little bits that are hilarious.  The eunuch factory was a great little funny section of the movie.  The pirate getting upset that he didn't get to rape the lead female character is hilarious to me.  The finale of the movie, which is a huge time travel weirdness where a few years go by every thirty seconds, that is a really fun and fast finish.  But I would never ever suggest you watch this thing without others there to have fun with.

Grade: F (+ if in a group)

IHAO on ... the Boxtrolls

Claymation is a really cool medium, especially nowadays.  It takes so much work and so much artistry for something that could be done just as easily, maybe easier, in CGI animation.  Really good Claymation makes you wonder "how did they do that?!" and makes very real looking things happen, because it is happening instead of being all computers.  The craft is really cool, is what I'm saying.  It also does not immediately make a film good.

The Boxtrolls is the perfect example of a conceit in film called "dissonance."  It is where the parts of a film, while perhaps all good in quality individually, when brought together are all rubbish.  There are good things, there are bad things, there are inbetween things, and none of it feels particularly well joined into a cohesive whole.  The voice actors are all well and good, but are reading things a little campier than the script intends, while in turn the script is much more whimsical than the direction of the film plays it which is basically straight without jokes, more like an action film, and then that is dissonant from the art direction, which is gothic and victorian and surprisingly dark with very very little humor to it at all.  As an example, let's just look at our bad guy.  He is played by Sir Ben Kingsley, who does a super super good job playing this dark, brooding, gothic evil character, but the script has him cross-dressing and dying (spoilers) by cheese induced farts and bloating like this is a madcap farce, but then the art direction has him become this truly terrifying Quasimodo-esque looking monster when he is having his allergic reactions.  None of those things really mesh together.  And that happens all throughout the movie.

The plot of the thing is that there are these Boxtrolls, and in this town that is obsessed with cheese and hats as status symbols, a red hat is promised a white hat if he kills all the Boxtrolls.  The Boxtrolls take a baby and raise him, and that young boy - named Eggs - has to save his family from the bad guy red hats..

There is something cool in that plot, yeah?  All right, maybe not for some, but I'm a Dungeons and Dragons, gothic literature loving kind of guy.  And this films gothic nature and dark tone don't turn me off.  But all the dissonance I was talking about above really does make it hard to like any of the film.  Which is a huge shame, because there is some stuff I liked overall in the movie, but really, the Boxtrolls parts for the most part are way better than the whole it creates.  I hate movies like this, middle of the road movies.  I can't even bring myself to be angry or excited about it.  They are just ... there.  I was pretty harsh on Big Hero 6 earlier for not being quite up to snuff for me in terms of scripting and plot and such, much like Gone Girl, but both those movies had strong directors that at least made a cohesive film.

Sorry Boxtrolls.

Grade: C

IHAO on ... Guardians of the Galaxy

What is there to say?

I mean, I watched the movie twice opening weekend.  I know for a fact I'll be seeing it again in theaters.  I know for a fact that I'll own it on blu-ray.  I saved the movie tickets so I can have them inside the blu-ray, because I feel it is important.  And I've done that for exactly one other movie, and that one was because it was my first movie date with my now-wife then-date-partner.  I put up a quickie review on facebook and tumblr (you should really follow me there, too, if you don't).  It is great.  It is beyond great.  It is the best summer movie I've ever seen.  It is the best comic book film I've ever seen.  It is superbly directed down to minuscule detail.  It is superbly acted.

Let me harp on that for a moment.  In the majority of scenes, you had three actors who were actually there and two stand-ins.  The two stand-ins did a very good job, but really, on set, there were only three out of the five major stars there.  The energy between actors there and not ... that is something that you would think would impact the film.  Yet, Rocket and Groot are never NOT there.  Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel are part of the movie just as strongly, seemingly, as the other three leads.  But they were not there, in person.  Their voices weren't added until after the film was basically shot.  Yet Groot and Rocket are very much a part of the franchise.  It was emotional to see them react and act and grow and change.

After the second viewing, one of the folks at the theatre with us asked me what I thought about the movie not having a story.  It had plot: go get the thing, bring it here, stop the guy from getting it, get it from the guy.  But he wondered how there was no story.  And I wonder if others think that as well.  But I can very much assuredly tell all of you, readers, that there is a story.  It is a story about character.  It is a story about making difficult decisions.  It is a story about what it means to be "good."  These characters never stop being "a-holes" as the trailer and the movie constantly refers to them.  But there is a marked difference in them as the film progresses.  They learn to trust.  They learn to love.  They learn they are not alone.  They have friends.

And that is a HUGE deal.  This is not a movie or story about family.  Family bonds are easy to write about.  It is not about love or significant others.  It is about a group of people becoming friends.  It is not just circumstances that bring them together and they have to save the galaxy!  No, they are brought together because of their actual actions and choices.  And they save the galaxy because they choose to.  It is about choice.

The movie isn't perfect.  There are some silly things, like that most bladed props are rounded, and some of the CGI mouth shapes do not match the words being said by the CGI characters.  But those things do not actually matter.  What we are were given broke every single mold.  There was no "good enough."  There was no "small part."  There was no same-old-same-old tropified story.  What we watched was ... well ...

Marvelous.

Excuse the pun.

Go see the movie.  If you don't, you'll be that dumbie that didn't see Star Wars: A New Hope in the theaters when they had the chance.

Grade: A+++

Oh, and the after credits sequence.  It doesn't matter.  It is a fun joke for comics fans, and that is all.  It leads to no further plots or films.  Guardians of the Galaxy is standalone.  Except for the fact that they started working on a sequel a week before the film's opening weekend, and part of the credits let us in the audience know for a fact that there would be another.  But yeah, anyway.  Go see it.

A little bit more, bulletpoint form

• Every single actor is amazing at what they do, and they are all my favorite
• Every single song is purposeful, and relevant
• Every single shot is exactly what the director/writer wanted them to be
• Every single person involved is proud of what they created

IHAO on ... Hercules

Man, oh man!  Have I been excited about this for awhile.  Dwayne Johnson is a guy who I love seeing act.  He has a great part in one of my favorite movies!  I love seeing him wrestle.  He's one of my top 5 wrestlers of all time.  And I LOVE that he got a new manager that stopped getting him only signed up for a bunch of garbage kids films where he is the only good part.

ALSO I love fantasy films!  I love the tropes, the storytelling, the themes, the action, the magic, the style of characters, the ascetics, all of it!  So of course I was 100% into this!  I haven't been this excited since the last fantasy film that came through Hollywood: 47 Ronin.  Oh wait ...

Hollywood and fantasy films have had a hard time together for a long time.  Kind of like with Pirates films.  But that did change with two huge franchises.  But the fantasy ones, Lord of the Rings, instead of living in the tropes of its source or in its predecessors, it created new tropes.  New, very specific tropes.  That have permeated every single film made since them.  And I very much hate the vast majority of them.  Some fantasy movies still work for me, but they generally tend to go back to their own style without becoming Peter Jackson-ian.  But I was real worried.  Then you throw in hit-or-miss director Brett Ratner at the helm and ...

Yeah, the gif of Stone Cold above perfectly expresses my feelings.  I had a lot of emotions.  Too many.  I didn't know how I was going to feel going in, I didn't know how I was going to feel coming out, I just knew I needed to see it, so I can share with all of you if you need to get see it.

Yes.  Absolutely you need to see this.  This movie is very very good.  I'd dare say great.  Now, it isn't exceptional.  It has a lot of tropes, it is very character driven instead of action driven.  But all the action is fabulous.  All the themes are awesome.  This is like seeing a big ole Dungeons and Dragons campaign, and those are generally the best fantasy films, Dungeons and Dragons the movie being the exception.

The best part is that the Rock isn't just the Rock here.  He worked his BUTT off to be amazing in this, and it shows.  He is fully invested in his character, much like he was in Pain & Gain, much like in Be Cool.  I was never watching the Rock acting, I was invested, I was watching Hercules!  And the film itself treats the mythology wonderfully.  Well, almost wonderfully.  Interestingly.  I can see some people being upset about it, and to be honest I was a little bit disheartened ... but just a little bit.  A very little bit, because what the movie is actually about is fabulous.

I really loved this movie.  And I plead that you all go see it as well.  This is the kind of film we need to see more of.  This is the kind of movie that should be filling Hollywood.  And with Guardians of the Galaxy coming next week ... I am very very excited about what may start coming with these two.  But only if they do well.  So GO SEE HERCULES!  Take Lawrence of Arabia, Lord of the Rings, and Conan the Barbarian, smash them together, and then have it be a nice trim 98 minutes, and you can see why this movie is an exciting prospect!

Grade: A+

OH!  And give me questions!  In comments, in asks, in emails, everywhere, anywhere, questions on anything, I just need them for the AMA I am going to do on August 1st!  If you don't then I just ... well, I won't do it I guess.   I mean, I gotta have questions.  So really, ask me anything.  ANYTHING.  Hard questions, silly questions, stupid opinions, serious ones, math questions, riddles, anything that is a question, just ask it!  You all are the ones that help me make this blog and these little extra fun things work.  So DO IT ... or don't if you don't want me to make the blog and AMA work, I suppose.

I Have an Opinion on Everything, Too

August 1st, 2014

IHAO on ... Odd Thomas

Sorry, but this Japanese poster is flippin' awesome.

I'm not sure if you remember this, but way back a month or so ago, I did a trailer trash where I featured the Odd Thomas trailer.  I was crazy excited to see it in theaters!  And then ... it didn't come anywhere near me.  Problem of being a critic in a small town I suppose.  I saw that it was out on DVD/Blu Ray, so I figured I'd just wait to save up the money to get it.  Then while going through Netflix, queuin' up my viewin' for the week, I spotted Odd Thomas sitting there in the New Releases!  I was stoked.  I was so excited to see it, and I sat down and watched it, hoping against hope it would be as cool as I thought it would be.  And ...

Honestly, it was better than I hoped.  I hope for MIB-style just fun and intriguing.  What I got was a dark action supernatural thriller with a great Peter Parker-esque lead who just absolutely steals the screen, and an amazing supporting cast, super awesome effects from Stephen Sommers (who, while I do hate Van Helsing, has overall continued to put out good, funny, action supernatural films) and a film that is way deeper and more interesting than I thought it would be.

I really don't have too much bad to say.  Uh ... actually, sitting here and thinking about it, I don't have ... ANYTHING bad to say.  Anton Yelchin is just perfect.  He is able to keep a dour and serious demeanor while still doing really funny quips.  Odd is such an incredibly interesting character, and played just perfectly.  Every one of the lead actors is great: Addison Timlin as a great non-damsel love interest; Willam DaFoe plays a great father-figure cop; Gugu Mbatha-Raw has the greatest name in film, and always plays a really nice believable mother with slight psychic abilities ...

Hold down slow up there, need some context for all this crazy talk.

Oh, right, I guess I should talk plot.  Odd Thomas can see ghosts, and has some interesting variations on psychic powers.  He can also see hell-demons called Bodaks who live off the coming fear and pain of imminent bad stuffs.  So we see him trying to help police chief DaFoe with a new lead ... but this one is way crazier than he's ever seen, and the Bodaks are out in larger numbers than he's ever known.  It is a race against time to save untold numbers of people from a threat he has no clue how to look for, as those around him who know his secret try to help.

It is a very lean film, very focused on its thrilling plot and mystery, but with a lot of great character to cement it all together.  I really cannot say a single bad thing about the film.  I liked it a whole bunch, and I bet a lot of you out there would also love it.  Give it a shot.

Grade: A+

IHAO on ... Attack on Titan

Grade: C+-

*inner monologue*

I knew going in that I was watching something unique.  How could it not be?  Anime in itself is harder to write about, as it doesn't flow like a regular show.  It has its own way of telling a story.  But how could I have known back then what I knew now ...

~~flashback to the beginning of this review~~

So everyone is talking about Attack on Titan.  The first (only?) episodes are on Netflix so I suppose I should go ahead and watch.  As the man with an opinion, I really should share mine on this show.  And now that I've finished it ...

~~flashback to my thoughts on episode 16ish~~

This is utter garbage!  This doesn't make any sense!  These characters motivations are terrible.  You cannot run an army by not telling anyone anything.  You cannot survive in this world by just letting these Titans you can easily kill now that you know how and have the skills to do so and the skillful Scouts like Mikasa and Renier to do so, you cannot just let them wander about clawing at the trees.  And NO, believing in yourself OR believing in your friends ... that is not a dichotomy!  That is not two sides of the same coin, you can do both at the same time, Eren!

~~flashback to my thoughts on episode 1~~

What an intriguing premise.  The action and adventure aspects are incredible, and the debates on how to proceed come across as surprisingly human.  The mystery with the key and the basement are awesome, and the strange variant Titans ... I'm very intrigued with what I'm watching.  The show is beautiful, with amazing music, and as long as they don't screw things up, I bet this show will live up to the hype I've been hearing ...

~~back to the now, after finishing the last episode~~

What a garbage show with a cool premise.  The action and adventure aspects are incredible, but the debates on how to proceed come across as rehashed and just keep happening over and over and over.  The mystery with the key and the basement are STUPID because our characters refuse to even try to do anything about it and instead spend a whole bunch of downtime doing other garbage.  And the strange variant human Titans ... ok, that reveal is cool, and I have my own theories about who the other two are ... I'm very intrigued with what I'm watching, even if it makes me super pissed hearing them talk.  Just don't talk, the dialogue is atrocious.  The show is beautiful, with amazing music, and as long as they don't talk, this show is really good.

 But ... they talk ... all the time.  And it is terrible.  And WHY CAN THEY NOT JUST SHOW THE STORY LINEARLY?!  You gain nothing by doing this non-linear approach ... me, being satirical in this review.  You jump ahead to something interesting, then just as things get cool, hit the brakes and go backwards to watch Eren try really hard to pick up a frickin' spoon!  JUST TELL THE STORIES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER!!!

I think this show could have been amazing ... and it just isn't.  But I like it ... but I HATES it.

I know, I know, but this show is so stupid ... but so beautiful ... it makes my D.I.D. act up like you Gollum.

For the first time ever, I'm giving this a +- review.  I love and hate this show.  And I cannot wait for more ... though I super do not want to hear any of them talk every again.  Maybe I'll just turn the subtitles off.

IHAO on ... The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen (Dreams Trilogy)

The third in the Dreams Trilogy of Terry Gilliam, Munchhausen is fantastic.  Glorious.  Damn near perfect.  Watch it.

Grade: A+

All right, so it is immediately apparent that I've written more because you can see that I have.  Baron Munchhausen tells the story of a war against the Turks and a small city trying to survive the war.  A theatre troupe is performing a play of the fictional character Baron Munchhausen, when the actual Baron appears, an old man.  He then proceeds to go on one final adventure, finding youth in adventure and searching for his friends once more, all unique characters within the story.

I love this movie.  It is a little hard to explain, but it is much like Time Bandits as a story of whimsy and fantasy, but instead of the dreams of a child, we are watching the dreams of an old man regaining his former glory through story.  Where the fantasy and the truth parallel is many times up to you the viewer, though there are many of the tricks you see in Time Bandits or other similar films like Wizard of Oz and Labyrinth with repeated characters, motifs, props, and visuals.  Oh, and Big Fish.  Lots of similarities there, too.

What makes the film succeed beyond just the intriguing setup is truly fine acting, specifically the Baron himself.  He is a glorious character in a film filled with glorious characters.  He lives and breaths and exists and isn't just an actor in a role.  It is truly a memorable role.  Gilliam's pacing works the best in any of the Dreams Trilogy here, and we are truly watching him become a better and better filmmaker throughout the course.  The film is filled with amazing visuals, great music, great acting, and really just succeeds in every regard.  It is the polar opposite of Brazil.

Makes me smile.  Big puggy smiles.  

I implore you to watch this film.  It is my favorite of the Dreams Trilogy, and also a perfectly wonderful standalone as well.

IHAO on ... Time Bandits (Dreams Trilogy)

Before Gilliam made Brazil (reviewed here), he directed a small “special sequence” of the Meaning of Life (which has an opening sequence that very much reminds of Brazil and is probably part of the inspiration).  And before that was Time Bandits, the first of the Dreams Trilogy. 

Time Bandits is a fantasy film about the whimsy and dreams of Kevin, a child who has a love of history and meets up with six little people, the Time Bandits.  From there, they go on an adventure through history and we see Kevin’s perceptions of history and philosophies of larger concepts he can’t completely understand.  Time Bandits has a pacing similar to Brazil and Munchausen, and really, just a slow easy pace that Gilliam seems to prefer.  In Brazil, it dragged the entire film.  In Time Bandits, I felt it fit.  There was always something happening that had meaning, always something to think about as you watch.

Time Bandits is a children’s fantasy film made for adults.  Not in the sense of Your Highness, but in the sense that as adults we look at the film differently than a child would, and we gain further understanding of our characters through that different perspective.  Kevin might not quite get that his perception of Robin Hood and his merry men are actually just a group of terrible bandits and a ridiculously posh Robin Hood seems to play into a subtle understanding on socialism.  Kevin might not know that Agamemnon’s kindly nature stands for a father he wished for, one who loved and who trusted him and was interested in him.  Kevin might not understand that the ultimate evil of the universe and all his minions are covered in the same plastic wrap his parent’s furniture is.

More like chaise-LYNCH, am I right?

There are a lot of little things in the movie that make the experience a wonderful one.  This is not a movie about a character arc, because a child is too young to truly understand the arc they are on.  This is about delving into their mindset.  Now, the ending ends in a ridiculous way that is almost haphazard in refusing to allow the audience even a single moment of understanding.  But that is quite literally the last ten seconds of the movie that leave me that baffled, and there is enough around to allow us to postulate the meaning, which while a little amateurish, isn’t as bad as an entirely confusing film like Brazil.

Also, I need to praise the humor, which always fit and was never distracting to me.  ALSO also, love has to go to the six little people actors who played the Time Bandits.  They are instantly likable, believable, lovable, all with small arcs and great moments.  The escape sequence in the Tower of Infinite Evil (or whatever it is called) is filled with amazing tension.  

Randall, Fidget, Og, Strutter, Wally, and Vermin.  Creators of shrubbery.  True story.

Overall, the film is really enjoyable, and one I love.  It isn’t perfect, as its pacing is a bit long, a lot of the lighting in some sequences is pretty samey and washes everything out, Kevin’s actor is not good (as to be expected from a child actor), and the ending's ending is incredibly off-putting.  But I think it is a great film worth a watch.

Grade: B+