IHAO on ... Tusk

So Kevin Smith got high, did a podcast, and came up with a concept for a film.  Three films, as best as I can tell, actually.  And Tusk is the first.  And Tusk is ... pretty damn unique.  How should I tackle this one? Ok, let's start like this:

Tusk is a bad movie.

It isn't a terrible movie.  It is in fact somewhere between forty-five minutes and an hour of a really solid thriller, an A++  kind of movie with some quirk but some great editing, writing, character, acting, and tension.  The first act, the entire first act, is actually pretty superb.  I would suggest to all of you reading that if you wanted to watch this movie, the weird body horror thriller, watch right up to that spot.  Which spot is that?  For lack of better word, it is the money shot.  What does that mean?  Do I have to stop being vague?  UGH, fine!

Tusk tells the totally-not-Kevin-Smith-stand-in-character Wallace (Justin Long), a failed comedian now very successful podcaster, as he travels to Canada to interview an internet face guy.  When that falls through, he spots an old man saying he has stories, so to not have wasted the trip he meets that old man, played by Michael Parks.  Things go crazy fast, as the old man tries to turn Wallace into a walrus, as the title alludes.

As kind of dumb as that premise sounds, the first hour really succeeds.  There is some great acting, great editing, and awesome tension.  It isn't perfect, as there are some strictly not good jokes in there, but a lot of that is because the lead character himself is failed comedian, so he thinks a podcast called a Not-See Party is  a good joke, and we understand him.  Kevin Smith does a great job, Justin Long does as well, and Micheal Parks does some really nice stuff as well.  And the theme is really great, with this driving rhythm and real tension to it.

So what happens at the "money shot" that kills the movie?  And I mean, kills it, kills it dead, makes it lose all momentum and never regains it.  Part of it might be that all the camerawork and filmmaking turns to a farce to instead focus on really terrible camerawork, bad framing, stupid music, and a script that likes to hear itself make stupid jokes.  Part of it might be the extended extended cameo of Johnny Depp, playing an awful, time-wasting former detective Quebecer.  That is really painful.  Maybe its that all the lighting loses that tense warm glow that is both inviting and still dark and terrifying.  Maybe its that the writing has moved on since the movie finally did what it wanted to do, showed the walrus-man, and now it is just expedient to plot and fills up the rest of the run time with bad jokes.  Maybe it is all those things.  Except no maybe, it is indeed all of those things.

I haven't turned a movie so fast in a long time.  And it sucks, because Tusk was actually a really good short film!  End the movie on that money shot, even with it being awful, jokey camerawork, and you have a really good, really succinct film.  But the second half is so atrociously bad, that I can barely recommend it at all.  Watch if you are curious or thinking you could potentially like it, and once the halfway point happens, know you are in for a bumpy, terrible finish.

Grade: D+-

IHAO on ... Big Hero 6

This may just be the hardest review I've ever had to write.  Why?  Because my subjective opinion makes me really really look down on this perfectly fine and fun kids action movie.  Let me make that perfectly clear, because you will see me using more words talking about how much I don't like it: I like this movie, and it is a very fun and good kids movie.  It is not a great movie.  But it is a good movie for kids.

Why am I having such a hard time with this?  Because I love Big Hero 6, the comic book.  And as an adaptation, this movie is utter trash.  The only thing that even remotely resembles the comic book is the characters names and Go Go Tomago.  That's it.  The setup, the setting, the backgrounds of the characters, the characters powers, the character's costumes, the themes, the bad guys, the style of superhero story.  Every single other thing is so utterly different that there is no point in this even being an adaptation.  Any of those things I listed are fine to change in an adaptation - in fact, they should be changed.  Some.  Not completely.  Not to be 100% unrecognizable to the people who you are trying to draw in off the recognition of the name, because that name doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things unless you know the source material, which doesn't factor into the movie at all!!  In fact, if it wasn't called Big Hero 6, if it had different character names, and if Go Go's powers were replaced with some other powers, this movie I would have liked more.

I'm going to explain myself better, jeez.  I told you this one was hard to write!

Ok, the good things: it is beautiful.  This film has some location shots that I cannot fathom were not real locations, they are so beautifully put together.  The camerawork and direction of this film is fantastic.  The acting is ... well, it isn't great, but the more I think about it, the more some characters really stood out: Scott Adsit's Baymax easily, but also Daniel Henney as Tadashi.  Maya Rudolph and T.J. Miller were a little distractingly ad lib sounding, and Genesis Rodriguez and Damon Wayans Jr. were both a little distracting in general, overall the voice cast did a good job.  And to be fair, I am being really nitpicky.

The real problem, for me as a film critic and not just a lover of the source material (as bastardized as this movie is from it), is the script.  Beyond the adaptation, which I could talk about for another couple thousands words I'm sure, this script is very very strangely written.  It is not a team movie like you would think a movie that is titled after the name of the team in the movie should be.  No, it is about Hiro, a genius teenage robotics whiz-kid, and his relationship with his brother, Tadashi, and his brother's robot, Baymax.  That is what the movie is about.  All the other characters probably have ... a fourth the screentime that these three do.  The dialogue is hackneyed, the callbacks are plentiful and lame, and the story is very small feeling, which is unfortunate.  There area total of 6 people who worked on the script, not to mention the original character creators from the comics.  That is a lot of voices to have to juggle in one script, and doesn't even begin to mention all the producers' voices and the directors'.  The product of all these voices is a very marketable, very cliche, very ... watchable film.  The story twists aren't twisty at all, the characters are two-dimensional at best, the pacing is very very segmented, there is even a tie-in Fall Out Boy-sung montage section, the emotional beats are humdrum ...

But then I look back at my wife, who sat next to me at the movies.  And for her, these characters were all real, and enjoyable.  The story, while cliche and been-there-done-that-nothing-new-or-even-different territory, still hit home, and the emotions she felt for these characters, especially Baymax, were very genuine.

Like I said, this isn't a bad movie.  Nowhere near one.  It is a good movie.  It is a good movie, not a great one, that just happens to fail in ways that irk me much MUCH stronger than most viewers, I bet.  This is a film I will own, because I know my kids will enjoy it.  And I will sit down with them, and watch it.  This isn't Guardians of the Galaxy, which was a great superhero team movie that was able to balance humor, action, emotion, character, and be smart and clever in its writing, but it is a good place to start.  This is a hard one to grade.  But I feel good, because I have at least presented an honest critique, and my honest opinion.  And that's what you come here for, at least, every Monday through Friday at 10 AM.  I think.  Ok, now I'm the bad writer.  Let's ... just ... end this ... now.

See ya Monday.

Bye.

Grade: B+-

IHAO on ... Saw VI

Let's get this out of the way: Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V

I've been waiting for the shoe to drop since the third movie.  I've been waiting for that really terrible movie that ruins the series, turns it into torture porn and a gorefest, that strips away all the character drama and storytelling.  And, you know what?  It still hasn't happened.  In fact, The quality has become pretty consistent, and even better, in someways, it continues to improve.  Saw VI continues the trend of telling good stories, with interesting traps, and surprisingly deep characters.  I saw surprising because ... ok, let me do the plot set up first.

Spoilers (very minor) ...

Jigsaw is dead.  His apprentice has taken over completely by this point.  But John Kramer has one more trap he needs done, one last will and testament.  And it is all around the insurance guy who would not allow Kramer to do an experimental drug course on their insurance.  Even more interesting, the insurance guy, played by the really excellent Peter Outerbridge, ISN'T wrong!  The experimental treatment has a less than 50% chance, and that is just too high for an insurance company, especially for someone as old as John Kramer.  It isn't fair, it sucks, but he's right.  So he is tested.  At the same time, the Apprentice is trying to get his name cleared, but some unexpected turns happen as he finds himself in a seemingly losing battle to cover his tracks.

Saw VI has some HUGE PROBLEMS to begin with.  Some of the bad actors return, though the good actors that return all more than hold their weight.  It has a LOT of "color-coded" scenes, which drives me nuts.  You know what I'm talking about?  When a movie color tints EVERYTHING, generally with the REALLY stupid blue-orange color dynamic.  It gets really really irritating, and it took me out of the film.  A lot.  We are also introduced to a whole bunch of characters very quickly, so they are all basically just swathes of two-dimensional characters, including Outerbridge's character.  But that is just to begin with.

After about ... 15 minutes, things change.  And Saw VI becomes ... almost my favorite of the series!  The traps, all of them, are incredibly well done.  Sometimes the traps in these movies go a little crazy and overboard.  Saw V was really overboard with its traps, the ones that weren't stupid.  But there is a great combination of inventive, unique, and simple traps.  They are all visceral without being incredibly gorier, other than the very first trap of the film, which is a wonderfully difficult to watch section based on Shakespeare's "a pound of flesh."  The acting is so good, the writing is incredible, the cop plot is fantastic, the test of Outerbridge is wonderful, and ... I cannot say enough good things about MOST of the movie.

The opening makes me SO ANGRY because of how good everything else it.  But what is really great about it all is that the only really cringe worthy moment, for me, was an extended replay of the last movie.  And this film not only makes an excellent trilogy-ender for Saw's IV, V, and IV, but it is a fantastic stand alone.  I really really loved the parts I loved in this film.  But the parts I hated ... oooooo did I hate it.  Hopefully it will not get any worse than that stuff.

Grade: B++-

IHAO on ... World's Greatest Dad (Rest in Peace, Robin)

I don't think I can think of a film that has such great acting, great directing, inventive hyper-reality aspects, incredibly well-placed and chosen music (for the most part), and such a corny, super-tired, boring script.  And I hate to say that.  Because the emotional journey of the film, the hyper-realism that Bobcat Goldthwait creates is excellent.  He does an incredible job in this film, with its cynicism and pain.  But the script ...

A failed writer and teacher at a prep school has a terrible son.  Just absolutely terrible.  He is the worst human being.  And his father, Robin Williams, doesn't know how to connect with his son, or even how to father him.  He has a secret relationship with another teacher, who is basically cheating on Williams with another more perfect English teacher.  Williams comes home from a date to find his son, dead by autoerotic asphyxiation accident.  Ashamed, Williams fakes his son's suicide, writing a suicide note for him.  And things snowballs out of his control as the suicide note becomes public and starts changing everyone around him as Williams continues lying and writing more for his son.

This plot is hackneyed.  There is no easier way to put it.  The "Liar Revealed" is one of the most basic conflicts and plots in film, and it is tired.  The thing that makes this film enjoyable beyond that is how Goldthwait treats the world of the film.  The school's team is the Pugs.  Everyone cartoonishly starts falling in love with Williams' writing, just fawning over it.  On a talk show, Williams is introduced with a graphic that says "Son Killed Himself."  There are long musical sequences, one very well done and very poignant, and the rest ... not.  Wait, I was saying good things.

Williams plays wonderfully.  This is his film.  And the emotions in this movie are perfect.  The comedy is ... not really worthwhile.  But the emotion and the acting is so great.  I wish this was a film I could recommend for anything beyond its acting ... but sometimes that is enough.  And ...

Grade: B+-

Robin Williams committed suicide three days ago.  It was inescapable.  And I argued with myself about if I should say anything.  I personally do not have a connection to Williams as a fan, not really.  I never found him particularly funny in his stand-up.  As a child I liked Genie ok, but carpet and Aladdin were my favorite characters.  Jumanji was fun, but I liked the world more than the characters, and I never really liked Hook.  As I grew older, I came to enjoy his more adult films, especially What Dreams May Come.  That is a beautiful and wonderful film.  But as I thought, I realized that I needed to say ... something.  My "job" as it were is to talk about films, television, wrestling, and other such things.  I just didn't know what.  And at that same time, I found this movie.  It was a perfect thing to talk about.  I didn't go easy on the movie, as you can see, but it allowed me to start thinking and sharing and writing.

Suicide is difficult.  Understatement, surely.  I've dealt with depression a lot, though I don't believe I ever did deal with suicidal thoughts.  It is foreign to me.  But I understand the pain it can create for those who survive it.  And my heart and prayers goes out to the Williams family.  I can say very clearly, Williams touched the hearts of millions.  While this film I found both good and frustrating, and I found Williams' career similarly, it isn't about that.  It is about the emotion we all have.  Emotion is pure.  Laughter and tears.  Anger and love.  Williams was at his best with emotion.  Its why his kids films always went just a little step more when he was the star.  They were always just a little more genuine with him in them.

I don't know.  I wish I had something more eloquent to say.  Sometimes the message may be flawed, it may not be as genuine and emotional as it could be from someone else.  But the emotion ... you know what, let me instead use Williams' words from this film:

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. 

The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."

Mr. Williams, we will never be alone because you have touched our hearts.  And despite the pain, depression, or whatever may have been going through your life when you tragically felt alone ... you will never be alone within our memories.

Rest in Peace.  I hope to hear you laugh in heaven.

IHAO on ... Omega Doom

I can't help it; I love Rutger Hauer.  It all happened after I watched Blind Fury super late in the night on cable with my best friend on sleepover in high school.  Blind Fury is an awesome movie, by the way, though not a perfect one by any means.  Quick grade is a B++.

Rutger Hauer love has become a large part of my film love, and brought me to a huge number of great films.  Oh, what, you don't know his name off the top of your head?  Oh, that's unfortunate.  Especially considering he is one of the greatest villains in film, from Blade Runner to Nighthawks to the original and AMAZING Hitcher.  Not to mention leading protagonists like in Ladyhawke and the newer exploitation film Hobo With a Shotgun.  With so many great roles under his belt, I decided to go on a journey and collect his entire discography of leading roles.  I've found some terrible ones and some interesting ones.  And I'll keep seeing them.  So expect to see more Rutger Hauer from time to time.

So what about this film?  This obscure, ridiculous, 1996 weird genre-bending western-slash-distopian-slash-science fiction film.  Is this one that will continue to spread my love of Rutger Hauer around the world?  The short answer is ...

I really wanted to find a drum rolling down a hill ...

Heh, this'll work.

Yeah, no, absolutely not.

Omega Doom is very much a western.  It has all the tropes, from the outsider new in town, the warring posses, the trustworthy bartender, the comedic school marm, even a horse.  Also, lots of quick draws.  Oh, and the entire film is about robots searching for guns to kill humans before humans can kill them.  And the bartender serves water because ... robots need water I guess.  And the quick draws are quick drawing energy daggers that they then throw.

But this movie is so much more than that.  It is terrible sound effects for every. single. motion. any. character. makes.  All of them.  It's like a Johnny Test episode.  The dialogue is atrociously corny or worthless.  The setup for this strange version of the future is pointless.  The setting itself is just cheapo film-in-eastern europe.  The action is terrible, absolutely terrible, and the effects are ridiculous.  The costuming and makeup are ... ok, they are fine, they aren't that bad.  But .... ok, do you know what a fish-eye lens is?  Here's a visual aid featuring a cow:

The schtick of the shot is to enhance the center of the shot and create some scope.  Photographers and filmmakers use it to show size and distance for cities and such.  It is an effective tool that can be used in the arsenal of artists.  Omega Doom ... has fish eye on ... basically the entire film.  Every panning shot becomes torture to my optic nerve.  And this is the whole movie.  The whole boring movie.  Ok, it isn't that boring.  It is actually kind of hilarious in how bad it is.  Like many other nanar films, this could be enjoyed in a group with everyone just laughing at how terrible it is.

Omega Doom reminds me of The Happening.  Just a terrible film film with decent to really great actors (ok, one actor in each is really great only, and they are both the leads, who knew) with a surprisingly interesting premise.  Yes, despite all the ridiculousness of the actual film and the setup that is told to us for Omega Doom, it actually had a really cool original premise: nuclear war hit the world, and we have now found ourselves in EuroDisney, with different animatronic characters, now screwed up because of the nuclear war, all interacting.  There is something interesting there.  None of that comes through, not really.  Reading about the EuroDisney thing makes a few things in the very beginning make sense, but the film itself does not understand how to correctly express its ideas.

I think this movie is definitely worth looking up if you love Nanar like me, or Rutger Hauer like me, or just want to get folks together to watch a bad movie.  It isn't quite as entertainingly terrible as Troll 2 or the Room, but it definitely fits in that vein.  I wish I could hate it ... I wish I could love it ... but in the end, I just watched it and still can't decide how I feel about it.

Grade: F+-

IHAO on ... Attack on Titan

Grade: C+-

*inner monologue*

I knew going in that I was watching something unique.  How could it not be?  Anime in itself is harder to write about, as it doesn't flow like a regular show.  It has its own way of telling a story.  But how could I have known back then what I knew now ...

~~flashback to the beginning of this review~~

So everyone is talking about Attack on Titan.  The first (only?) episodes are on Netflix so I suppose I should go ahead and watch.  As the man with an opinion, I really should share mine on this show.  And now that I've finished it ...

~~flashback to my thoughts on episode 16ish~~

This is utter garbage!  This doesn't make any sense!  These characters motivations are terrible.  You cannot run an army by not telling anyone anything.  You cannot survive in this world by just letting these Titans you can easily kill now that you know how and have the skills to do so and the skillful Scouts like Mikasa and Renier to do so, you cannot just let them wander about clawing at the trees.  And NO, believing in yourself OR believing in your friends ... that is not a dichotomy!  That is not two sides of the same coin, you can do both at the same time, Eren!

~~flashback to my thoughts on episode 1~~

What an intriguing premise.  The action and adventure aspects are incredible, and the debates on how to proceed come across as surprisingly human.  The mystery with the key and the basement are awesome, and the strange variant Titans ... I'm very intrigued with what I'm watching.  The show is beautiful, with amazing music, and as long as they don't screw things up, I bet this show will live up to the hype I've been hearing ...

~~back to the now, after finishing the last episode~~

What a garbage show with a cool premise.  The action and adventure aspects are incredible, but the debates on how to proceed come across as rehashed and just keep happening over and over and over.  The mystery with the key and the basement are STUPID because our characters refuse to even try to do anything about it and instead spend a whole bunch of downtime doing other garbage.  And the strange variant human Titans ... ok, that reveal is cool, and I have my own theories about who the other two are ... I'm very intrigued with what I'm watching, even if it makes me super pissed hearing them talk.  Just don't talk, the dialogue is atrocious.  The show is beautiful, with amazing music, and as long as they don't talk, this show is really good.

 But ... they talk ... all the time.  And it is terrible.  And WHY CAN THEY NOT JUST SHOW THE STORY LINEARLY?!  You gain nothing by doing this non-linear approach ... me, being satirical in this review.  You jump ahead to something interesting, then just as things get cool, hit the brakes and go backwards to watch Eren try really hard to pick up a frickin' spoon!  JUST TELL THE STORIES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER!!!

I think this show could have been amazing ... and it just isn't.  But I like it ... but I HATES it.

I know, I know, but this show is so stupid ... but so beautiful ... it makes my D.I.D. act up like you Gollum.

For the first time ever, I'm giving this a +- review.  I love and hate this show.  And I cannot wait for more ... though I super do not want to hear any of them talk every again.  Maybe I'll just turn the subtitles off.