IHAO on ... Oscar Season and the 87th Academy Awards Nominees

I do film reviewing as my main job here at I Have an Opinion (click the link and like us on Facebook, too!  Then share it!  COME ON!).  Last year I wanted to touch on the Academy Awards, but didn't really feel like I had the opportunity or time.  But this year, I was paying attention, and I'm going to be reviewing every single Best Picture of the Year nominee before the Oscars air, as well as a bunch of other ones, so that I can come to a conclusion based on what the Academy says.  I already told you all what my Best Films of 2014 were, now its time to see where I line up with the Academy.

But, firstly, looking at the nominees list, I got a few things to say.  *ahem*

HOW IN THE LIVING HELL DID INTERSTELLAR GET SO MANY NOMINATIONS?!  IN THE SOUND CATEGORIES NO LESS!  I don't care if you like the film, if you love Nolan, or you hated it like I did, every single person can agree that the sound in Interstellar is ABSOLUTELY AWFUL TRASH!!!!!  HOW CAN INTERSTELLAR THEN BE NOMINATED FOR BOTH SOUND MIXING AND SOUND EDITING AND ORIGINAL SCORE?!?!  WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?

Ok, with that out of the way, let's touch on some other thoughts I had looking at the list:

 - Awesome, Birdman hit almost every category I thought it would!
 - I really need to see Foxcatcher, so I'm throwing that on my list
 - Guardians of the Galaxy really should have gotten more, but genre is a hard sell.  It is also very interesting, and a thing I never noticed, but there isn't a way for the Academy to think about soundtracks or mix of songs as important to a film, which is nuts considering how many films that would affect, especially Guardians' Awesome Mix Vol. 1.
 - Editing is normally shorthanded to "movie with the most edits in it," but the nominees this year are a lot smarter and filled with way better technique.  I'm very interested in what will shake out here.
 - Gone Girl's only nomination being for Rosamund Pike, while deserved, really shocks me.  I mean, I had a hard time with that movie, remember, but still, I thought for sure at least Fincher would get a nomination.
 - Seeing Nightcrawler show up for screenplay is pretty fantastic.  I've liked Dan Gilroy's writing, and I think this is a good script.  Hell, I could see myself in a few weeks, when I do my official predictions for the Awards, going with Nightcrawler over Birdman.
 - Between Big Hero 6, BoxTrolls, and How to Train Your Dragon 2 - which I actually saw in theaters but walked away feeling it was so average I couldn't even muster up a review for it - I think the choice is easy.
 - If "Feast" doesn't win best animated short, then something is wrong with the world.  It was for me the best part of Big Hero 6.  I'm crying now thinking about it.

That's my thoughts so far.  I'll keep you all abreast of each Best Picture nominee, and I'll try to do at least one a week all the way up to the awards next month!  Until then.

IHAO on ... Chinese Zodiac starring Jackie Chan

There was a rule in my household.  A very simple rule that seems to have worked for all movies at all times: Jackie Chan movies are good movies.  I've bought many movies based on this premise.  I have yet to be wrong.  Well, had.  Because today, on the evening I write this, this rule of cinema law became broken.

Chinese Zodiac is terrible.

It is a real bad movie.  Awkward camera shots, really terrible editing, awful dialogue and acting, weird music, and worst of all, most of the action is just ... boring.  Or even worse, it lacks the special quality that makes Jackie Chan scenes so much fun.  At the very end of the movie, in the Guinness Record setting credits, you see a stunt fail, like you normally do for Jackie Chan films in the credits as fun bloopers and proof of hard work.  And it is just ... a maybe two foot fall from a picture frame hung from the ceiling like a swing, and Jackie just laying on his back, getting up with all the speed and grace of a tortoise, medics and actors all around him trying to help him up.  It was the saddest, most discouraging thing I had ever seen as a Jackie Chan fan.  Chinese Zodiac makes me just so so sad.

The year of our lord 2012 - the day that Jackie Chan officially became too old.

So what's the plot?  Lazy.  Really really lazy.  The whole movie is lazy from a story perspective.  JC - yes, that is really Jackie Chan's character's name in the film - runs a smuggling group that steals priceless artifacts.  They are hired to get some bronze statueheads that look and are treated like they are as heavy as a standard American football.  The bad guys trick them, some weird political stuff, volcano sequence, happy ending after that.  Weird action beats all throughout, with only two true Jackie fight scenes, both a little inventive but nowhere near worth watching the film for.

I am disappointed more than anything with this movie.  I have lived 30 years of a life with the fact in my brain that the worst Jackie Chan film was the Tuxedo, which wasn't too bad, or Rush Hour 3, which was bad, but still slightly watchable.  That was the worst.  That was the bottom of the barrel.  And now, my ignorance has been shattered.  Chinese Zodiac exists, and is terrible.  Unwatchably terrible.  Edits don't make any sense, the movie has both too much plot and moves way too fast, I couldn't tell you a single name other than JC, and the action beats are all ridiculous at BEST and indeed get to a point that is ... well, pointless at the end.

Really, do not give this a watch.  If you must anyway, you may find some joy in a few minutes of action in this almost two hour long slog, but they are not worth it.  Please, just go to youtube for them.  Camera fight and couch fight should do it for you.  Just ... leave this film alone.  I do not want you to experience the deep melancholy I have now reached.  I watch these films to save you the pain.

On top of this, One Piece Collection 11 got pushed back to February.  :'(

Grade: F

IHAO on ... Fate/Zero

Normally, I try to make sure I have watched everything I review completely at least once, many times twice, to get a strong critical opinion, as well as personal opinion of the subject.  But television shows become difficult to review because of that.  I can put three or four hours into watching a film twice, or six hours for a wrestling PPV, but even the smallest of television shows take almost twice that long for me to watch and review.  So I thought for this review I would instead give my impressions on the first five episodes, and a lengthy and personal backstory to the franchise it belongs to.  Plus, the next collection of One Piece is coming to my home the day you all can read this because Amazon pre-orders are great, and I'm just in a crazy excited anime mood.

Fate is the ... prefix? category? ... think like "Dragonball" - it is a set of entertainment stories that all take place in a shared universe.  That universe is a modern fantasy world, where mages and arcane pedigrees and ancient relics exist.  Where the Holy Grail is summoned into being every somethingorother years and is fought over by seven Masters, all who have summoned Servants, each connected to a particular class of Servant: Saber, Archer, Lancer, Assassin, Rider, Caster, and Berserker.  It is a crazy imaginative world, and Fate/Zero is a pre-sequel to the main story, Fate/Stay Night.

In college, a friend took a chance and thought I may enjoy Fate/Stay Night, a visual novel video game semi-adult entertainment ... thing.  It is like a voice-acted, slightly animated choose-your-own-adventure novel.  It was amazing.  It was mindboggling, and kept me up many evenings as I went through its massive story.  The story is so massive it requires time travel-y, alternate future shenanigans to hear it all to completion.  It got an anime I cannot wait to own and watch of its own.  The plot of Fate/Stay Night is the events of the Fifth Holy Grail War.

Fate/Zero is the events of the Fourth Holy Grail War.  And it is realized completely in one story, which is the anime I just started.  So let's talk about that anime.

The first thing to know is it is a dense show.  The entire first episode introduces you to so many characters and concepts, you almost have to know what Fate is before you start watching.  I knew bits and pieces of the story that was told to me during the events of Fate/Stay Night, and I still got lost a little first time through.  The second thing to know is that it is a beautiful animated anime.  It reminds me of Attack on Titan and DeathNote, both of which are shows with amazing animation (and a whole lot of ridiculously overblown terrible plot ... man, I need to write my thoughts on DeathNote I guess ... or just point out I have the same opinion of it as I do on Attack on Titan ... yup, I did that.  Mini-review, DeathNote gets a C+-).  It is almost on par with a Studio Ghibli production of sheer artistic skill, though it is achieved in a different way.  I ALSO really need to get more Ghibli films a chance, considering how much I love My Neighbor Totoro ... here we go, another mini-review: My Neighbor Totoro is an amazing film.  Completely amazing.  Grade: A+++

I can go on and on about the technicals of Fate/Zero.  The voice actors all do a GREAT job, with some recognizable voice talents in there like Crispin Freeman, Kari Wahlgren, Jamieson Price ... really, go look at the imdb page and just check out these actor's workloads. The animation is smooth and beautiful in all its magic and all its fantastical details and even beautiful in its mundane elements.  They do an awesome job of using 3D animation represent a lot of the magic and the backgrounds, so that every move and cut and slash and fight and stab and magical attack and effect all have actual effects on the background.  You ever notice how in cartoons, if a character was going to interact with something in the background, it would be a different color?  Yeah, that is completely mitigated here and looks really great.  Oh man, and the music!  The score is absolutely gorgeous, and I've really come to love the opening theme.

The first episode should absolutely hook most anime watchers, though it is dense.  The second episode should do even more.  And if you aren't hooked by the third, I just don't know what is wrong with you, but I suppose there is no point in pushing on, to be quite honest.  There is absolutely a barrier to the enjoyment of this anime, but by episode three Fate/Zero has established everything you need in a good way that has you invested in the story, hopefully.  But, there is a huge problem ... this is absolutely a sequel.  Yes, it takes place chronologically before Fate/Stay Night, but it assumes you understand the premise, it introduces elements that you are supposed to understand how they work quickly so it can move to new stories.  It is not an easy anime.  I like that, personally.  It was the thing that got me interested in Attack on Titan and DeathNote, and while my opinion on both of those shows soured, that comes from them lasting much too long, in my opinion (obviously).

Fate/Zero has two seasons.  Both on Netflix.  Both no more than 13 episodes.  And it finishes its story then and there.  I think it is absolutely worth any one who found anything I said interesting so far a chance to give this show.  That sentence was very poorly worded, but I'm not gonna change it.  Watch Fate/Zero.  I recommend, as a fan, and as a critic.  I cannot wait to dive in even farther to the show.

Grade: A++

Edit: I try to write these reviews ahead of time so that I can have a nice bank and keep myself up to date, just in case I get sick or busy and am unable to find time to watch things like I need to.  Well, I did get sick, with a sore throat, so I spent this entire morning before my review got posted tearing through the first season of the show.  I can say, without a single doubt, that this show is phenomenal.  I would still recommend that if you are at all interested in the Visual Novel of Fate/Stay Night to not watch Fate/Zero yet, but if you aren't interested in the enormous amount of hours to put into Stay Night then I cannot recommend Fate/Zero enough.  The fights are amazing, the animation is immaculate, and the story is intense and thrilling, all in one of the coolest anime worlds I've seen.  This is probably the second best anime I've ever watched.  It is intense, thrilling, and awesome.  I have gone ahead and added a grading because I feel much more confidant in that grade now.

IHAO on ... Horrible Bosses 2

I did not see Horrible Bosses.  I didn't see it for a very simple reason: I don't like Charlie Day, Jason Sudekis, or really Jason Bateman.  If I don't like the three leading men in a comedy, yeah, pretty sure I don't want to see it.  And it isn't really their fault.  They are pretty decent actors.  It is just they almost always play the EXACT SAME CHARACTERS.  Jason Sudekis is smiling doofy idiot sex guy.  Charlie is manic high-pitched tweaked out idiot.  Jason Bateman is stuck up egotist know-it-all guy.  Why do I want to watch that over and over again?  Well, I was taken to the movies by a friend anyway, and he bought my ticket, so I watched it, knowing nothing of the first film.  Nothing, I couldn't tell you an ounce of plot.

Before I get into this movie, first I wanna talk about the trailers.  I haven't done a Trailer Trash in a long while, mostly because my tablet got broken and then replaced and the app I was using doesn't work as well on the new one.  Is that a thing you guys would like to see back?  Lemme know in the comments.  Anyway, I hadn't seen a lot of the trailers in front of this film, and it looks like we are in for a lot of stupid comedies coming up in the next few months.  I am not a stupid comedies kind of guy, not really.  Sometimes I can get behind one, and sometimes the craft of the comedy is perfect, but in the end, I always prefer cool characters doing cool things, and comedies tend to focus on garbage characters doing asinine things.  So be looking forward to those reviews coming this first few months of the year 2015.

This is what my theater going experience is probably going to be like until April.  Help me.

Ok, so Horrible Bosses 2 ... was way more enjoyable than I expected.  In fact, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit, the third act in particular.  The movie opened with a bunch of Austin Powers style jokes and the kind of dialogue you expect from Always Sunny meets SNL meets Arrested Development, which irritated me to no end.  The ... I guess they were too big to be "cameos" but man they sure felt like cameos for Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Spacey, and Jamie Foxx, whatever, their parts were ... meh.  The actual plot tried to fit the idea of this whole "bosses" thing too many times in five minutes, as if being self-employed is some huge deal.  But once we actually met Christoph Waltz and Chris Pine, and the plot actually started going with the kidnapping and stuff, the movies started to get me involved instead of just rolling my eyes and sighing at the stupid sex jokes and gross out humor.

Then Act 3 happened.  And man, did it impress me.  One of my favorite movies of the past few years was Tower Heist.  It had heart, it was really funny, it was pulse-pounding, and it was a good heist film!  That's what this movie turned into, for the most part.  There was a small worthless section with Jennifer Aniston I could have done without, but yeah, it was pretty fantastic.  It played out in a really cool way that I know I have seen before, but not done this well or like this.  Sean Anders, who I had completely written off as a terrible director actually did some really great work!  I am still legitimately impressed with how well the last third of the movie went.

I wish I could say the rest of the movie was worth watching for me.  But I bet you if you like a harmless adult comedy, and like the comedians here, and don't care about stupid plot and characters, that this movie will not only be a comedy you'll really enjoy, but it may also actually impress you.

Grade: B ... ALMOST +

IHAF ... A. Lee Martinez

It is A. LEE MARTINEZ APPRECIATION DAY!  Someone strike up the samba music, let's dance!

What do you mean, I just used this article as an excuse to post all my favorite dancing gifs?  You, sir or madam, are ill informed.  I used A. LEE MARTINEZ APPRECIATION DAY as an excuse to talk about one of my favorite authors writing today.  So what is so great about A. Lee Martinez's writing that I have to do not one, not two, but SEVEN dancing gifs?  Well, let me explain.

Back in college, and I am unsure how I came upon the book or who got me into it, but somewhere along the way I got a copy of Gil's All Fright Diner.  An innocuous little book, with a splendidly silly, semi- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy looking book.  Read the back, and I find it has vampires and werewolves and ghosts and zombies and cthullu-esque creatures, all mixing it up around a small diner.  It was an odd conceit, so I read it.  And it was really good.

That was a lot of build up, with all the other gifs, for just "really good."

I liked the book.  It read exactly like a film I wanted to see.  EXACTLY, in fact, as I pictured Owen Wilson and Brad Garrett as the main characters Duke and Earl (they don't get the joke), a werewolf and a vampire who are just dudes, not monsters.  And that's the magic of A. Lee Martinez books.  But let me continue telling the story, there, chumbawumba.

I liked the book.  I definitely didn't love it, but it was fun, with great characters, good scenes ... it really is a good book.  So I went back to Books-a-Million and grabbed the other A. Lee Martinez book they had, In the Company of Ogres.  That book ... I liked less.  It had some bits that were good, and I liked the lead character, but as a pretty straight forward fantasy book, even with some tongue-in-cheek-ness to it, I felt it wallowed around in way too many characters and just wasn't that enjoyable.  It felt like fantasy Stripes, like it was missing the meat that elevated Gil's with its really good characters.

So I shelved Mr. Martinez's books for awhile.  A few years in fact.

So I suppose none of this is sounding the most positive it could be.  But ahh, you are missing the wonderful thing here.  A man is not defined by two books.  He is defined by ... well I mean, too many things to calculate, because you cannot distill a man down just based on the writing of two books he wrote.  And I never stopped thinking about those books, like them or not as the case legitimately was.

I eventually went looking for another book by him.  I saw The Automatic Detective, which is a science fiction film noir.  I gave it a shot ...

This editorial is already long.  Come on!

Holy crap you guys, holy crap, the Automatic Detective is a flippin' AMAZING book.  It did everything I loved about Gil's, with its real, fully fleshed characters, but then created this amazing atmosphere of pulpy dread, terror, and adventure.  Mack Megaton, the book's protagonist, is one of my favorite characters I've ever read, period.  And the book itself, a few years removed from In the Company of Ogres, really excelled.  I was hooked.

Next up was Monster, another book with an incredible set of characters, and awesome big ole adventure, and really grounded emotions and thoughts.  This time, we have a cryptid exterminator, who takes care of those goblins under the bed or the yetis that wander into your supermarket.  Why this isn't a movie starring the Rock is BEYOND ME.

After Monster was Divine Misfortune, where worshiping a god was more akin to really bad online dating, and every pantheon of myth's gods existed.  Once again, we got awesome characters in our human protagonists, an African-American couple, and their decided up god, Luka, a happy-go-lucky (literally, he is a luck god) raccoon.  Once again, we got a great pulpy high adventure story.  And even better, just like in the past two books, we get realistic characters.

All of these books might sound like they are Terry Pratchett in nature, comedy mixed with genre.  But that's what you are missing!  In fact, what a lot of people are missing about Mr. Martinez's books.  There is a very subtle bias that readers have towards "genre" and "comedy."  Both are seen as light, without substance.  Just look at the Oscars, which to a fault award films that are dramatic or historic and actors who are dour or "realistic" with their amazing awards, even though other films come around that are better, with better acting, but because they may be Space Opera starring a raccoon and a talking tree, they may not get the same recognition.  A. Lee Martinez's books have may have a colorful cover and a premise that is filled with pulpy wonderful goodness, but his books have a backbone of truly skilled writing and plotting, and characters with real emotions, choices, and relationships.  When you think of these books, or really most forms of entertainment, as "genre" or "comedy," what you are subtly thinking is that they are worth less than other books or films or television shows.  We need to stop that.  And I think buying up all of Mr. Martinez's books is the best way to do it!

Divine Misfortune lead me to Chasing the Moon, an intriguing but not quite as good book centered around cthullu-esque mythos.  But for every book of his I don't care for, three more arise that make me fall in love.  In quick succession we got: Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain, which has one of the most complicated protagonists I've ever read, and was fabulous; Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest, a send-up to the "Hero's Journey" with even more incredible characters, that I in fact wrote a review of a year or so ago; and One of These Doomsdays, which you can find online for some crazy wonderful reason, as he isn't publishing it, which is BONKERS because I am LOVING IT!  It isn't finished yet, and I hope he ends up publishing it anyway, because I want it on my shelf.

To top it all off, I've been going backwards and reading the books I skipped.  I'm enjoying but struggling through Too Many Curses, and I still need to get A Nameless Witch.  I also need to rebuy Chasing the Moon and In the Company of Ogres, as my own copies have been lost.  To top all THAT off, I helped fund a short story book he wrote which featured a short story for each of his ten published books!  That is coming in the mail to my home any day now, and I cannot wait to dive into it.

To top all THAT OFF, I am an avid reader of his website, as he blogs about film, television, writing, and all sorts of stuff.  He and I don't see quite eye to eye on some things, but man oh man, we both tend to have the same opinion when it comes to "darker and grittier is better" that was sweeping through our entertainment not long ago.  Even when I don't agree with him, I love hearing his thoughts.  He shares them all the time on twitter and facebook as well.  And he writes other short stories and flash fiction you can check out all the time.  I was even able to send in a suggestion that he wrote a flash fiction of, which of course is awesome.

I am inspired to write because of A. Lee Martinez's books.  I am inspired to write because of his opinions.  I am inspired to work harder, to maybe see more of my writing published.  And even better, I am inspired to read.  I don't read as much as I used to.  I suspect most people don't.  So let's change that.  It is a new year, so let's fix that!  Go to amazon or Barnes and Noble or Books-a-Million or wherever you can, buy an A. Lee Martinez book, your favorite I talked about, or my favorite, or the ones I liked least to see if you agree.  Let's support an author who is writing exciting, incredibly well made books that don't have to choose between having good characters and good story.

And THAT is how I am going to celebrate my January 12th, A. Lee Martinez Appreciation Day.

I Have a Favorite ... author, A. Lee Martinez

A quick grade guide to each of his published novels I've read completely

Gil's All Fright Diner - Grade: B+

In the Company of Ogres - Grade: C-

A Nameless Witch - n/a

The Automatic Detective - Grade: A+++

Too Many Curses - n/a

Monster - Grade: A++

Divine Misfortune - Grade: B+

Chasing the Moon - Grade: B

Emperor Mollusk Versus the Sinister Brain - Grade: A++

Helen and Troy's Epic Road Quest - Grade: A+++

IHAO on ... WWE's competition 1 - Lucha Underground

That's right Cena, you better run.  Competition is coming, and not just from NXT.

I love wrestling.  I talk about it a whole bunch.  NXT has been blowing my mind, and WWE has been leaving me cold.  But it is a new year, and I want to see what else is out there.  I don't have time for everything, so I am only watching what I have been and what just got a brand new start, and that's Lucha Underground and TNA.

TNA, on the other end of the spectrum, is trying its hardest to be just like the WWE ... 15 years ago.  TNA has always been plagued by ridiculously overbooked nonsense and match stipulations that just don't make any sense.  That said, it also tends to find great wrestlers that WWE didn't quite give a chance and prove the WWE wrong, just like with EC III, MVP, Samoa Joe, Low Ki.  Then it fills out its roster with top Indy guys who aren't looking to jump to WWE, like Austin Aries, and home grown talent.  And Kurt Angle.  TNA almost went bye-bye because of poor ratings and slowly losing all their money.  They lost their TV contract, and scrambled to get a new one on Destination America, which has nowhere near the reach as Spike TV.  But they are restarting their show for a new audience on the 16th of this month, and I'm going to be the audience.  That means that I'll have a review up of their show the following Monday.

Lucha Underground made a pretty surprising splash for me.  It got a lot of honorable mentions in my Best of 2014 Wrestling article, which is great because it has only had 10 episodes.  The schtick is that of film quality backstage segments, strong character focus, and really good matches.  The match quality of Lucha Underground sits in the middle zone of WWE: the average match is higher quality, but no match has really broken into the upper echelon of great matches that WWE always pulls out eventually every year.  With its focus on Aztec traditions and masked characters, it is an incredible show to watch.  They are starting their year, after giving us a lot of great episodes to introduce all twenty major characters on their roster, with an amazing match called Aztec Warfare.  I have no clue what it is, other than it seems to be a seeded gauntlet, so I'm excited to find out.

Lucha Underground is up first.

Lucha Underground opened with a lot of spectacle as a lot of traditional drums and dancing kick off the show, really making this feel special.  Aztec Warfare is a Royal Rumble style elimination gauntlet 20-man "Anything Goes" match.  Two men start, then every small amount of time, another man joins the match.  Last man to not get eliminated wins, and is the new, and FIRST Lucha Underground Champion.

No sugarcoating or beating around the bush, this match is great.  Super great.  It is a great way to opening wrestling for the year of 2015.  What is so great about it?  It has great moves, great moments, great characters, culminates a lot of stories, crowns a champion, and thrilled for a full hour of wrestling, including commercials.  We get closure on a bunch of storylines, learn every character, all the wrestlers are treated as if they had a legitimate chance to win ... for the most part, anyway.  This was really great stuff.  El Mariachi Loco, Mil Muertes, Prince Puma, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Pentagon Jr., Sexy Star, man, everyone impressed all match.  I cannot say it enough, this was a GREAT  match!  Even better, I am excited for the things to come.

I have now watched the episode, a full one-hour episode with a handful of 3 and a half minute breaks, that is just one match.  It is phenomenal.  Every single character, even the jobber kid, looks good, has a story, has a moment to shine, and looks like a credible threat to win.  The way the story builds is perfect.  The mirroring and closing out of a chapter in the story of Lucha Underground, which is just beginning, is flawless.  The match does all the storytelling a Royal Rumble does, but with all the actual skill and credible finishes of a regular match.

My favorite thing in the whole match is that there was only two times someone stopped another luchadore from pinning an opponent.  The first was Big Ryck, who is not a luchadore, just a brawling enormous mammoth of a man.  The second is Chavo Guerrero Jr., who is so egotistical, he wants to pin a guy himself and keeps throwing guys off him to get the pinfall, even though it doesn't matter.  That is exciting!  How many times in a Royal Rumble match do you see guys helping save other guys from getting thrown over because they are wasting time between spots?  Most Rumbles it happens.  But here, every moment was perfectly executed.  On top of that, Lucha Underground pretapes and edits their episodes, so every single move and shot is from the best, most interesting angle, and if something important is happening on the outside of the ring, we always cut to it.  I LOVE Lucha Underground!

Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! Lucha!

I implore you all, every wrestling fan or wanna-be fan, or just someone who likes Lucha, or just someone who likes Robert Rodrigeuz, or just ... everyone, really!  WATCH LUCHA UNDERGROUND!  Have a hard time watching Lucha Underground because you can't or don't get the El Rey Network, but want to give this a chance?  You are in luck because Lucha Underground consistently shares videos on their facebook page.  Absolutely go give them a look and a like.

IHAO on ... Tusk

So Kevin Smith got high, did a podcast, and came up with a concept for a film.  Three films, as best as I can tell, actually.  And Tusk is the first.  And Tusk is ... pretty damn unique.  How should I tackle this one? Ok, let's start like this:

Tusk is a bad movie.

It isn't a terrible movie.  It is in fact somewhere between forty-five minutes and an hour of a really solid thriller, an A++  kind of movie with some quirk but some great editing, writing, character, acting, and tension.  The first act, the entire first act, is actually pretty superb.  I would suggest to all of you reading that if you wanted to watch this movie, the weird body horror thriller, watch right up to that spot.  Which spot is that?  For lack of better word, it is the money shot.  What does that mean?  Do I have to stop being vague?  UGH, fine!

Tusk tells the totally-not-Kevin-Smith-stand-in-character Wallace (Justin Long), a failed comedian now very successful podcaster, as he travels to Canada to interview an internet face guy.  When that falls through, he spots an old man saying he has stories, so to not have wasted the trip he meets that old man, played by Michael Parks.  Things go crazy fast, as the old man tries to turn Wallace into a walrus, as the title alludes.

As kind of dumb as that premise sounds, the first hour really succeeds.  There is some great acting, great editing, and awesome tension.  It isn't perfect, as there are some strictly not good jokes in there, but a lot of that is because the lead character himself is failed comedian, so he thinks a podcast called a Not-See Party is  a good joke, and we understand him.  Kevin Smith does a great job, Justin Long does as well, and Micheal Parks does some really nice stuff as well.  And the theme is really great, with this driving rhythm and real tension to it.

So what happens at the "money shot" that kills the movie?  And I mean, kills it, kills it dead, makes it lose all momentum and never regains it.  Part of it might be that all the camerawork and filmmaking turns to a farce to instead focus on really terrible camerawork, bad framing, stupid music, and a script that likes to hear itself make stupid jokes.  Part of it might be the extended extended cameo of Johnny Depp, playing an awful, time-wasting former detective Quebecer.  That is really painful.  Maybe its that all the lighting loses that tense warm glow that is both inviting and still dark and terrifying.  Maybe its that the writing has moved on since the movie finally did what it wanted to do, showed the walrus-man, and now it is just expedient to plot and fills up the rest of the run time with bad jokes.  Maybe it is all those things.  Except no maybe, it is indeed all of those things.

I haven't turned a movie so fast in a long time.  And it sucks, because Tusk was actually a really good short film!  End the movie on that money shot, even with it being awful, jokey camerawork, and you have a really good, really succinct film.  But the second half is so atrociously bad, that I can barely recommend it at all.  Watch if you are curious or thinking you could potentially like it, and once the halfway point happens, know you are in for a bumpy, terrible finish.

Grade: D+-

IHAO on ... Pizza Hut Random Pizza!

PIZZA IS WONDERFUL!  Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.  And that is the end.  Cheese, dough, tomatos, and all sorts of amazing toppings, in a bunch of incredible combinations, in a bunch of styles, from super thick to super thin to pretzel crusts to sausage and cheese stuff to regular, all of it is glorious.  I mean, some of the toppings I don't like, but even the worst toppings on a pizza are just a small price to pay for the gloriousness that is pizza.  Just throw those mushrooms or black olives or whatever harmful veggie or meat you dislike away, because there is so much to love!

My love of pizza has been longstanding.  Most kids my age loved pizza because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but I do believe I liked the TMNT because I loved pizza.  Pizza was as close to a religion in my household growing up as a circular food-based entity could be.  Every Tuesday we would jump into my Dad's Dodge Ram and drive to the now defunct and empty Mazzios' pizza, which was the best pizza I ever had, for their buffet dinner.  I learned about great music like Boston, Journey, and Queen there on their jukebox, and was filled with dreams of Samurai Showdown and every changing but always the same pinball games, as well as Puzzle Bobble, which was my favorite game and the only one my parents would let me waste my money one.  Probably why I got so good at puzzle games, to not waste quarters between slices of wonderful pizza.  My father would irritate the waitresses, which he always knew by name, by singing "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie."  He did that for years.  Still does in fact, 20+ years later.  Eventually, Mazzios' closed down, because the world is unfair and everything is awful.

I grew up, I became older, but I continued my deep-down-in-my-stomach romance with pizza pie.  I'd eat it at lunch in middle school and high school as much as possible.  My father moved on to getting Little Caeser's for us about once a week (not quite that often, unfortunately) and we'd watch a movie or wrestling or maybe one of Mom's hour-long dramas on CBS.  Church had pizza dinner for kids all through those years every Wednesday, and with a Dominos right across the street from the church, our youth group had it just as often.  There were a lot of pounds gained during this period of life, and there would be many more.

I went to college, and the pizza just ... wasn't the same.  It wasn't as good, my love wasn't as high, everyone ate Papa John's which I always disliked, and I just couldn't find a pizza I loved.  Until Pizza Inn, which is apparently what Mazzios' was a named franchise of!  I found it, I loved it, I went weekly once again, maybe more.  But life happened, things changed, and I was forced to move back to my hometown.  Now, I have a roommate that makes pizza and every now and again, nowhere near the weekly I'd love, we feast on Pizza Hut pizza.  The online prices are incredible, and I never order from his pizza, because that's rude.  And sometimes, a pizza gets messed up, so free-zza!

My life and pizza are intertwined.  I carry 210ish pounds of proof, maybe more, I don't know how much bones weigh.  So why talk about it all now?  Well, that roommate is a lover of randomness.  He decides everything either through randomness or through routine.  He is an odd duck, but he did come up with a brilliant idea for New Year's Eve: random pizzas.

He put all the crust types in a randomizer, all the toppings in a randomizer, and all the finishers that Pizza Hut just added into a randomizer, then gets a crust, three toppings, and two finishers.  And we had two Random Pizzas.  And they were fabulous!  The first was a meatball, ham, and spinach pizza with a honey barbeque sauce, regular crust, with pretzel finishing and asiago cheese.  Glorious.  The second sounds like a real pizza that could be one menu: green peppers, jalapenos, bacon, all on a medium buffalo sauce, thin sliced (a new amazing thing I never heard of between thin and regular), covered in honey sriarcha sauce and Ginger Boom Boom dusting the crust.  That was my favorite, so spicy and glorious.  I was in heaven.  And it'll be a thing we do more often!

Not only that, you should try it!  Have a party about it!  Tell me in the comments if you do it, I would love to hear it!  Facebook it, tumble it, link me along with it so I can see!  Let's all have fun with a random pizza!  How?  By coming to my roommate's Pizza Hut at Thomas Crossroads in Coweta County, GA.  Or make the random lists yourself using random.org, it's easy!  I want #randompizza to be a thing!  Fill up your instagrams, as well as your bellies!

Arbitrary Numbers: Top # Super Sentai Theme Songs

Go go Power Rangers!

You just heard the guitar riff, didn't you?  I am pretty sure everyone, no matter who they are or what their taste is in entertainment, gets a rush of pure unadulterated AWESOME when the original Power Rangers theme plays.  It is one of the greatest theme songs of all time.  Theme songs do a lot for a show.  Ducktales, Rescue Rangers, Talespin, Disney has it figured out.  Lots of shows did, I mean come on, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

But today, I'm going to talk about another show.  A show that has lasted for 39 years, with the newest 39th Super Sentai series starting THIS YEAR!  It is about ninjas, the third Sentai about ninjas in fact, and my excitement over watching ToQger currently and watching Gokaiger with my wife that has gotten me all atizzy about the other Super Sentai themes.  Why?  Because they are flipping awesome, that's why!  But how can I share that with you?  Well, with an arbitrary list that counts down all my favorites I wanna talk about!  I am going to countdown my favorites sentai themes, and even better, link them to you, then create a playlist so you can listen to my favorites ... or just listen to all of them, because they are all on youtube!  I have them running on my computer as I write articles, as I begin my new exercise regime, and even on CDs I made for the car!

There are 39 main themes because I'm not going to include the additional themes, mostly because then ToQ #6 awesome harmonica theme would win downright; and while I could rank all 39 of them, that would take forever, and that's not really a list ... I mean, it IS a list by the strict definition of what a list is, but it isn't an internet list, which is about giving you a smattering of information so that you are titillated enough to check the stuff out yourself.  So here is my criteria for how a song gets on my list:
 - Catchiness, or as I like to call it Get-Stuck-In-Your-Head-itude
 - AWESOMENESS, or pure power and sheer musical might
 - a lack of lameness; or the "no little kids singing"
 - Great on its own, or the "you don't have to like Sentai or this series to like this song"

Ok, here we go, my ...

TOP 9 SUPER SENTAI THEME SONGS

Dairanger

The song starts out with this crazy old school theremin sound until it gets into its groove and the "whoa whoa whoa whoa."  This song isn't one that's going to murder you with awesome, no, and that is why it is on the bottom of my favorites list, but it is absolutely a catchy piece with this fantastic groove, silly drumkit beat.  It is a nice lead-in and gets stuck in my head every now and again.  I'll just be wandering around Wal Mart or Kroger or wherever, doing mundane nothing like grocery shopping and I'll just start going "whoa whoa whoa whoa."  That's how I knew it had to be represented on this list.

Gokaiger

You never forget your first.  This song is bright, happy, and fully orchestrated, which I always love.  It is simple and catchy and fun.  Watching the show I wanted it to be more pirate-y sounding, and that is probably my biggest critique of the song, that it fits as a great Sentai theme, but not as a great Sentai theme for the only pirate Sentai there has been.  This is the kind of thing you can expect from most Sentai, just a bright and happy song.  Until we get into the more awesome and the catchier ones!

Denjiman

I would be remiss to not put a theme song from the early years, and Denjiman is absolutely the one!  With its trumpets and real cool bass beat.  It is also another great one to sing a long with.  It reminds me of "Where There's a Whip, There's a Way" which is a fabulous song in its own rights.  It has this wonderful 70s feel to it, and while that is dated, as I almost always saying, dated =/= bad.  This is a time capsule of a cool groovin' song.  Denji-, denjiman, denji-, denjiman!

GoGoV

I love feeling like a hero!  In fact, stay tuned, because next week there will be a new playlist review just like the Saddest and Happiest songs I did not too long ago, based on Triumphant songs!  And I would be shocked if some of these didn't make the list, because this one and one a few steps higher absolutely take the cake for feeling like a HERO!  The swell of the music, the orchestra moving at a fever pitch, the lead singer belting out his heroic intentions!

One of the things that makes me happiest is a nice epic build.  And GoGoV has an incredible build up to the second chorus: SAVE THE EARTH!  SAVE THE LIVES!  I sing that at the top of my lungs and it makes me feel just absolutely epic.  Not as epic as other songs, but it does the job for me.  I considered starting the list here, but the other songs kept getting stuck in my head, so I had to include them.  And I wasn't going to not mention this one.

SAVE THE EARTH!  SAVE THE LIVES!

Go-Onger

I talked about Power Rangers RPM not too terribly long ago, and how much I hated how ashamed the show felt of its silliness, trying to hide the inherent silly nature of the Sentai they used with its "dark and mature" story, which I ultimately felt failed.  Go-Onger

If you need more proof, a friend walked in as I wrote this article, and she immediately started dancing.  Immediately.  Because of just the song.  She doesn't know anything about the source material or the style of show, but she does know she liked this song.  Boom boom bom bom, Go-Onger!

Timeranger

Remember how I talked about epicness with GoGoV?  Timeranger is on this list because it is supremely epic.  It murders epic, buries its corpse, and yet a bigger more awesome Groot tree rises where the seeds of epicness were buried, alive and well, bring awesomeness and epic brilliance to everyone around him as his epicness saves the entire galaxy!

Timeranger's theme is also the only song with a female lead, and it starts in English, which helps me get into it as an American.  It isn't a requirement, as the next three will show you, but it really does help.  I love the swell of the music, the amazing choir, the squealing electric guitar, the amazing organ music ... it is just a smorgasbord of great music!

Hurricanger

We have now entered the super fricking fun and catchy section!  The top 3 are all the most ridiculous energetic and catchy songs I've heard as themes.  They are right up there with Ducktales and Rescue Rangers.  These are themes that transcend language and show.  They are songs we should be listening to all the time for fun, to work out, to cook, to clean, to sleep, to do everything!

Hurricanger is an inherently more hilarious song, with its silly beat and sound effects, sounding like the scoring was created in Mario Paint, and just an incredibly bubbly song and lyrics that are super singable, it is a great song.  I really cannot get enough of it.  The reason it does reach the top is it doesn't get me as pumped as the next to, and is nowhere near as serious with its ridiculous apprentice DJ soundboard music.

ToQger

RAINBOW TRAINS POWERED BY IMAGINATION, WITH A BASICALLY SKA SONG AS THEIR THEME SONG!  It doesn't fail like Gokaiger did, not sound like its theme, as you can always here the train track-styled rhythm all throughout.  It has some seriously great music going on, too, like a really great second verse that is actually different sounding than the first.  I know they are different words in most of these themes, but musically they all tend to be V-C-V-C-B-C, and that's all.  But the second verse for ToQger has this amazingly cool kinda punky-ska drum breakdown before it gets back into the chorus.  I really truly love this song.  There is only one reason that it isn't number 1, and that's because of a language barrier that I'll eventually conquer.  But what if there was a song just as hype and rocking, but I actually get the schtick of the Japanese without it having to slip into English for me to understand it?  Hmmm .....

Shinkenger

A cool traditional Japanese sound evolves into the most blood pumping, sweat inducing rock song, just ... ever!  With its background chorus of "chan-bara-chan-bara" I can always sing along even when I don't quite know the words, I can sing every word of the chorus because it is simple enough and catchy enough and even better clear enough that I learned it no problem.  This is the song I leave on repeat over and over as I do my new workout regime.  I feel like a rocking hero all the time and just work and work and never grow tired as this song blasts along!  It is a dense song musically, with a lot of melodies, counter melodies, and really tight harmonies all throughout, some of it modern rock, some of it updated traditional sounding Japanese musical.  It keeps its themes of the show, reinforces them, and is fantastically musical in nature.  I love the song.  I loved the song before I started caring about Sentai at all.  And that absolutely means something to me!

There we are!  All nine.  I could talk about so many more, like Go-Busters or Kakuranger, but these are the ones I'm limiting this article to.  And like I promised, here is a fantastic playlist, in order, or my nine favorites!  Give it a listen, and enjoy these songs, which truly are for everyone, Sentai lover or not.

TOP # Super Sentai Theme Songs Playlist

IHAO on ... Slings and Arrows

I love finding obscure, cool, movies and television shows.  It is part of the reason I collect, it is part of the reason I love to host, and it is definitely a reason why I enjoy writing these reviews for this site.  I go scouring the internet for cool things all the time, hoping to find more nuggets than garbage.  And I found one.  One that isn't even that hard to find yourself, and for some of my readers I think just may be the right show for you.

Slings and Arrows is very similar to an Aaron Sorkin show.  It is a hour-long comedy-drama that tells the difficulties of the actors, producers, executive stuaff, directors, and everyone else at a Shakespeare festival in Canada, all based around the major production of that year.  The first season focuses on Hamlet, the second on Macbeth, and the third on King Lear.  Beyond that, the show itself is Shakespearean in nature as well, with Shakespearean plots and character archetypes being filled all through the show.  There's even a ghost!

Much like I praised Birdman because of its incredible way of showing the inner-workings of a production of a show, Slings and Arrows does very similar, but with more overarching themes and plots like a Sorkin show.  It is superbly acted by Paul Gross as our leading man, playing a truly mad director with a passion for theatre.  He is surrounded by incredible actors, including two of the show's creators and writers, Susan Coyne, who you may not know but will really enjoy and Mark McKinney (you probably know him from SNL and Kids in the Hall).

It is hard to talk about how good the show is.  But that's absolutely my job, so let me try.  The show's characters all care about one thing: showing truth and emotion through the words written by William Shakespeare.  And that singular care makes the show alive with emotion.  There is humor and romance and terror and tragedy and villainous schemes and heroic plans and ends just like every Shakespearean comedy, with a wedding.  With only six episodes a season, the entire collection is absolutely worth searching out if you have any love of theatre, especially a theatre's inner workings and plots.  I very much recommend the show to everyone who loves drama and just ... good shows.

((-=-))

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