Man has wrestling been rough and exhilarating at the same
time. This year, TNA all but died, got a
new home for the new year, and will be starting over. Lucha Underground started and is really
starting to make huge waves as they build up to their big AZTEC WARFARE match
at the beginning of 2015. NXT has been
destroying WWE so thoroughly in quality and in skill that WWE morale is
incredibly low. And Vince in a live
podcast buried everyone who wasn’t Bray Wyatt or the Shield. WWE PPVs have slowly gotten worse and worse,
and so many of the top guys or close to the top guys have gotten injured, fed
up and quit, show up only once every month if we are lucky, or are just
veterans who have no business continuing in the main events or upper echelon of
the company.
A lot has happened in 2014.
And with the help of some readers, I’ve compiled a list of “Of the Year”
categories. I’ve also got some garbage
joke ones, and I’ll answer those at the end, because I refuse to not answer
them, though I would like to actually talk about stuff like a real reviewer
first, ok Mom?!
Here we go:
Best Jobber
A jobber in wrestling terms is a guy whose job is to lose to
put over their competition. They may
have a name and a gimmick, but they are not a featured player or
character. Their job is to lose so that
we can learn the schtick of the other guy.
The best jobber is one that bumped well, was interesting, left an
impression, but never overshadowed the talent they were enhancing. This year’s Best Jobber is …
Blue Pants
Blue Pants is actually Leva Bates, a female wrestler in the
Indy’s who seems to be a friend of the female trainer for the NXT Divas and
came in to do a terrible favor: to lose to someone else. But Blue Pants put on her Kitty Pride cosplay, came out to no
music, introduced to the crowd by the most charismatic G in NXT, Enzo Amore,
and sparred with the debuting Carmella.
Carmella looked great, Blue Pants looked good and rolled with the role,
and returned for another match, once more jobbing to Carmella, but this time
the fans cheered and chanted for Blue Pants, Blue Pants, Blue Pants!
Honorable Mentions: Kane,
the Undertaker
Most in need of a Gimmick Change
Oh goodness. Why did
I put this so high on this list? All
right, so lots of wrestlers get repackaged or work with what they are
given. Some have great gimmicks, some
are basically gimmick-less and just play themselves, and some flounder in their
gimmick. Ezekiel Jackson had a terrible
gimmick and terrible matches in the WWE, but now in Lucha Underground as Big
Ryck, he is treated like a monster, and his cigar grinding and “brawling, not
wrestling” approach changes everything about the promotion, and it was just a
simple gimmick change (and company switch, but shh). This year, the award for the wrestler most in
need of a gimmick change is …
The Usos
Don’t look at me, I absolutely thought I’d be putting John
Cena or Randy Orton here. But let me ask
you, oh reader, what is the Usos gimmick?
Think about it.
Samoans? I dunno, they don’t
really talk about it other than their opening chant, which then doesn’t affect
anything other than throwback moves to their father. Is it that they are twins? They wear face paint to make it absolutely
clear which one is which. Is it as the
good guy champs of the Tag Division?
They sure don’t get to talk or really do anything to show that other
than be in EVERY SINGLE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH for the tag titles. The last time they didn’t wrestle for the WWE
Tag Titles was Summerslam, and that’s because there wasn’t a tag title match on
the show. The same holds true for most
PPVs this year. But to be in every title
match for so long, and still be just … those colorful guys that are good guys
and have the same match all the time … that is infuriating.
They need something. An
edge. A heel turn. A manager.
ANYTHING. SOMETHING.
Honorable Mentions: Bayley, AJ Lee, Randy Orton, John Cena,
Bull Dempsey, Mojo Rawley
Most Disappointing Release
Folks get fired every year.
For lots of reasons. Some quit,
some get injured and retire, and some just fail drug tests or hit women or
something. And sometimes guys get fired
or leave or whatever and they had so much more they could have done! This year, the most disappointing release
goes to …
Josh Mathews
The main WWE commentary is the pits. It is just absolute and utter garbage. They have some talented dudes around that can
do good play-by-play and good color, but the worst release for me was Josh
Mathews. He was a really good
play-by-play guy, if a little bland and personality-less, but he played well
with JBL, unlike Cole and Lawler, as well as some of the newer commentary guys
like Byron Saxton, Alex Riley, and Scott Stanford. For a short time Mathews was doing the PPVs
and doing a real solid job. But he was
never given a real chance to do things as the lead commentator in a big
way.
And what’s happening for him now? He will be the new voice of the WWE’s largest
not-in-house competition on the new Impact Wrestling on Destination
America. And he’s going to do a great
job there, because he won’t have Vince yelling in his ear, Michael Cole saying
stupid things to him as heel color, and a company behind him that is trying as
hard as it can to improve. Who knows if
it will, but this is a bad blow for us WWE fans because we are stuck with the
same garbage we currently have instead of what we could have had. And that is absolutely disappointing.
Honorable Mentions: Evan Bourne, Aksana, Drew McIntyre
Heel Turn of the Year
Sometimes good guys go bad.
Sometimes relationships end.
Sometimes a new villain arises from the ranks of the heroes. And that is professional wrestling in a
nutshell. A great heel turn makes both
people in that turn a bigger star, like the Rock at Survivor Series 1998. A bad heel turn doesn’t matter, like Cesaro’s
hip-hopping from fan favorite to heel for Heyman to cheered for to made obscure
and held down to dwindle away what started as a great year. But that’s neither here nor there. The Heel Turn of the Year is …
Seth Rollins
There was no other choice.
Seth Rollins broke up the Shield, won Money in the Bank, became the true
heel that HHH needed to work for him against all those pesky do-gooders in the
roster. Rollins has been the fixture of
the bad guys every week, has rolled with the punches and changed every week,
and has been about the only good thing to come from this whole Authority
storyline that has lasted a year too long.
And he is only going to move upwards.
Honorable Mentions: Kevin Owens, Chavo Guerrero, Nikki Bella
Pageantry of the Year
Paige is my good friend.
And I got her into wrestling because she fell in love with Dusty Rhodes
and his yellow polka dots. She loves the
ridiculous characters, the spectacle, and the huge stories. She loves the guys with the PAGEANTRY. And she asked me for my pick for Pageantry of
the Year. That one’s easy …
Finn Balor
Holy monster-under-the-bed crap, look at this glorious video! ((EDIT: Ok, so the video I wanted to share, that I had shared a lot, has been taken down by the WWE. I put the official WWE video, but it is more edited and also doesn't have enough of the Ascension's reactions to it, but I think it'll do enough for you to get my point.)) I don’t care if you hate
wrestling, love wrestling, whatever.
THIS is an entrance. THIS is
special! THIS is thrilling and
ridiculous and wonderful! And it cannot
be topped. Well, it could have been, if
Sting had given a damn and came down from the rafters or they gave him anything
beyond just walking out to generic garbage rock music instead of his actual
theme at Survivor Series. BAH!
Finn Balor, before he was Finn Balor, was known for this kind of thing, this kind of pageantry. It is not his gimmick, he just goes a little harder on special occasions, and that makes it even better than being Stardust who never turns it off.
Honorable Mentions: Stardust at
all, Mil Muertes, Baron Corbin
Tag Team of the Year
Tag team wrestling hasn’t been important to the WWE for a
long time. But recently things are
changing. And since my limited scope
only has time to watch WWE and NXT plus Lucha Underground (I’m gonna watch
Impact in the new year, gah, gimme a break, I only have so many hours in an
insomnia-afflicted night to watch stuff, guys!), I already know who the Tag
Team of the Year is …
The Ascension
Face? Heel? Who cares!
These guys kick our butt, have an aura of awesome, and legitimately make
me mark out, which does not happen often any longer. When they rip apart jobbers, everyone is
yelling along with every kick and pin count YA YA YA! And when they are put against a real team,
they show that they can actually go and show a lot of skill and character. Watch Konnor’s reactions to Finn Balor in the
video I linked to above, they are priceless.
The Ascension is about to debut and shake up the WWE Tag Division, and I
cannot wait. I cannot wait for them and
the Brothers of Dust-struction. I cannot
wait for them to rip the Usos in half. I
cannot wait for them to dominate the division and actually make people care
beyond the antics of Damien Mizdow.
Honorable Mentions: The Certified Gs Enzo Amore and Big
Cass, the Brothers of Dust-struction
Gimmick of the Year
A great gimmick is one that makes it clear what your
character is. It lets audiences
understand your character quickly and efficiently. A gimmick is creative lubricant that makes a
wrestler better. A GREAT gimmick takes a
mediocre wrestler and makes them extraordinary.
A terrible gimmick takes a great wrestler and reduces them to Adam
Rose. But what exactly is the Gimmick of
the Year …
Enzo Amore and Big Cass
That right there is Enzo Amore, and he is a certified G, and
a bona fide stud, and you can’t. teach. that.
And this right here is Big Cass, and he’s seven foot tall, and you can’t.
teach. that. And if you don’t like them,
then you are probably S-A-W-F-T, saaaaaaawwwwft!
These guys take the awful Jersey Shore gimmick and breathe
life into it like you cannot believe.
Probably because they live that gimmick; that is who they are, turned up
to 11. That’s the best gimmick. That’s the Rock, that’s Mankind, that’s Stone
Cold, that’s Kevin Nash, that’s Ric Flair, that’s what you want from an
incredible gimmick. These guys are big stars
without ever having to win matches or show up all the time. Because when they do show up, the electricity
is palpable in the arena. They have so
much in front of them. And it isn’t just
the “Jersey Shore” aspects. It’s Big
Cass’ size and stature, but being cool like Big Daddy Cool Diesel. It’s Enzo, trying so hard, even though the
only offense he has is punching a few times and kicking around when he
talks. They are a great team, and will
only get better.
Honorable Mentions: Damien Mizdow, Erick Rowan Genius, the
Ascension
Most Improved WWE Superstar (no NXTers)
I technically didn’t want to do this one because I wanted to
talk about wrestling as a whole. But let’s
be fair, I mostly watched WWE this year.
So I can easily do this one. Now,
what do I think is important to “most improved?” I would say that I as a viewer was turned
around on them, that their gimmick synced in better than before, their ring
work got better, and their promo works improved. Since I cannot do NXT guys, that is going to
sorely hurt who I can talk about. So I
guess that leaves only one option …
Nikki Bella
Brie was positioned to be the big star of the Divas division
along with Paige. But things got off
track because, frankly, Brie is a terrible face and Steph is a fantastic heel,
so Brie never took off. She coasted
along on her husband’s popularity after Wrestlemania, but she was soon
overtaken by her heel turning sister.
Nikki has improved in the ring in a huge way, having a new moveset as a
power diva that is impressive and really fun and different to watch from the
normal “run at you, pull your hair” Summer Rae garbage. On top of that, her personality is starting
to really shine through. She isn’t just
a “Bella Twin,” she’s Nikki. If you need
more proof, Brie turned heel just recently to go back to being with Nikki
instead of the “triumphant” babyface she was supposed to be. And now Nikki is Diva’s Champion for the
WWE. That says a lot, and makes me
happy.
Honorable Mentions: Tyson Kidd
Even By WWE Standards This Makes No Sense
This was a weird one, and I was going to throw this into the
joke categories below, but as I thought about it, there really is an
interesting thing here to talk about.
WWE Standards means standard WWE wrestling and television. And that means that whatever I am to talk
about here needs to be ludicrous. And I
am pretty sure I know what wins the award for the E.B.W.S.T.M.N.S. …
Looney Tunes antics stopping Dean Ambrose
Dean Ambrose is the top face in the company right now. He has the audience in his hands. He is Stone Cold just before Austin made it
to the top. He is physical, engaging,
with great character and gimmick and promos and movesets and an amazing look
and … he is treated like utter trash, especially on PPVs. Let me just share some of the ridiculous
things that have happened to Dean Ambrose in just the past few months:
This is just bonkers.
It makes him look weak, as he constantly loses big matches and loses
feuds by moving on to new feuds. You
cannot build your company this way! WWE,
look, you have a face the fans LOVE rooting for and seeing, why are you forcing
Roman Reigns down our throats instead of using the already popular Dean Ambrose,
a man who out sold ALL OTHER WRESTLERS on Black Friday for your company in
merchandise?! Ridiculous.
Honorable Mentions: Not mentioning NXT on Raw, 25 minute
promos to main events and no promos for anyone else
Face of the Year
Babyfaces are the wrestlers you cheer for. They aren’t necessarily good guys, but they
are the ones the fans love. Many times
they are heroes, or at least they are wronged, or their obstacles are
understandable, but not always. It is
hard to really explain the difference between hero, protagonist and
babyface. But there certainly is an easy
thing for me to answer, and that’s who is the Face of the Year …
TIE: Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn
These two guys have spent one whole year building a feud
that just recently culminated. Both men
have been the top guys of NXT. Sami Zayn
was, until just recently, the uncrowned champion, the people’s champion of
NXT. Adrian Neville, on the flipside,
was the actual champion of NXT, the face of the brand, and the fighting-est,
most honorable and skilled champion for nine months. The two guys were part of amazing matches all
year, have incredible reporte with the audience, and drove the entire brand of
NXT to be as awesome as it is.
Their feud for these past few months have been some of the
most tense feuds I’ve seen. Their friendship,
their rivalry, the way that Neville slowly became more and more heelish as he
continued to do fight and fight for his championship, which is all he has ever
done, and as Sami Zayn worked harder and harder to prove he was capable of
being the top guy. And in the end, after
Neville became as heelish as he ever had been, he was redeemed by his
friendship with Zayn, and then the very next week was the fighting warrior who
was forgiven by the audience as he tried to redeem himself against the awful
heel who destroyed Zayn’s beautiful win.
These two guys deserve this “award” and designation. Daniel Bryan never had the company behind
him. Reigns became a caricature of
himself over the course of three months, then was injured and gone. Dean Ambrose only came into his own in the
last third of the year. John Cena is
awful. Lucha Underground is too new to
really have Johnny Mundo or Sexy Starr or Prince Puma at the top. These two deserve it, and there were no other
choices.
Heel of the Year
Every face needs a heel.
Every heel needs a heel. And even
more, every fan needs a heel. The story
of wrestling, the thing that makes wrestling so magical doesn’t work if there
isn’t a heel. That guy who may do nothing
wrong, never be a villain, but is always booed.
The ultimate obstacle, the ultimate other choice. Cheating, or being a rules lawyer, being a
monster or a chicken-crap-coward, there is no singular way to be a heel, and all
of them are good, as long as the audience fully stays against them. You won’t see Bray Wyatt as the winner here
because it was only recently he acted as true heel ignoring and hating the audience, actually
getting boos. No, there is only one
(two) people who deserve this award …
Triple H and Stephanie McMahon
They are perfect as heels.
They knew this way back at the turn of the millennium, and they are back
doing it amazingly again. Stephanie is
so perfect, and had an amazing match with Brie after almost a decade out of the
ring. Triple H bumped for Brie, did the
job for Daniel Bryan, fought hard for his control, was a huge obstacle for
everyone, and the two of them were perfect as the bad guys on top. Last year, I couldn’t say that at all. Really, it was just this year, it was just
them running the show, tricked into giving Daniel Bryan a chance at
Wrestlemania where he SUCCEEDED against every odd, but then splitting up the
Shield, but then losing the legitimate power of Batista just before he became
an enormous commodity, but then they put down the pressure and made life
terrible for every face, until Survivor Series where the faces FINALLY beat
them! It was perfect, and these two
deserve to be the Heels of the Year.
Now I want to see Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn v. Triple H
and Steph as a feud.
Honorable Mentions: Tyson Kidd, Seth Rollins, Don Cueto
IHAO's Top 5 Matches of the Year
This is the thing that matters most. This is the one. The Top 5 matches of the Year. The 5 matches that matter most, that are the
pinnacle of wrestling this year. I
reviewed most of them for this site, but let’s not spoil it. I could talk and talk about these matches, but really, their quality is what matters to me, and I want you guys to just go watch them yourselves. Let’s go:
Honorable Mentions: Johnny Mundo v. Prince Puma v. Big Ryck Triple Threat Ladder Match @ Lucha Underground s01e07
5) Daniel Bryan v. Bray Wyatt @ Royal Rumble 2014
4) Adrian Neville v. Sami Zayn @ NXT Takeover: (R)Evolution
3) Daniel Bryan v. HHH @ Wrestlemania 30
2) Charlotte v. Natalya @ NXT Takeover
1) Adrian Neville v. Tyson Kidd @ NXT Takeover
I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention one more time
how disheartened, depressed, and saddened I am because of the Ultimate Warrior’s
sudden death just after he finally cleared his entire name with the WWE,
entered the Hall of Fame, and gave an amazing speech the Raw after, before
passing away. God bless his family, and may
he rest in peace. Thank you, Warrior.
“No WWE talent becomes a
legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat.
His lungs
breathe a final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood
pulse through the body of others and makes them bleed deeper and something
larger than life
then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the
story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory
of those who honor him and make
the running the man did live forever.
You, you, you, you, you, you are the
legend markers of Ultimate Warrior.
In the back I see many potential legends.
Some of them with warrior spirits.
And you will do the same for them. You will
decide if they lived with the passion and intensity.
So much so that you will
tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well.
Ultimate. You are
the Ultimate Warrior fans.
And the spirit of the Ultimate Warrior will run
forever!" ~ The Ultimate Warrior
---
Curt Hennig Award for Best Match
While Injured – Ryback, why not
Ironic JR Award for Maximizing Your Minutes – Damien Mizdow
Best Bow Tie – This one, I guess
Greatest Surprise Grunt – Uh … “ooergh!” ((EDIT: I thought of a non-joke answer, "SKRONK!" RIP Warrior))
Best Beard – Ziggler’s
Wrestler Who Would Most Benefit From Growing a Beard – Erick
Rowan
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