IHAO on ... WWE's competition 1 - Lucha Underground

That's right Cena, you better run.  Competition is coming, and not just from NXT.

I love wrestling.  I talk about it a whole bunch.  NXT has been blowing my mind, and WWE has been leaving me cold.  But it is a new year, and I want to see what else is out there.  I don't have time for everything, so I am only watching what I have been and what just got a brand new start, and that's Lucha Underground and TNA.

TNA, on the other end of the spectrum, is trying its hardest to be just like the WWE ... 15 years ago.  TNA has always been plagued by ridiculously overbooked nonsense and match stipulations that just don't make any sense.  That said, it also tends to find great wrestlers that WWE didn't quite give a chance and prove the WWE wrong, just like with EC III, MVP, Samoa Joe, Low Ki.  Then it fills out its roster with top Indy guys who aren't looking to jump to WWE, like Austin Aries, and home grown talent.  And Kurt Angle.  TNA almost went bye-bye because of poor ratings and slowly losing all their money.  They lost their TV contract, and scrambled to get a new one on Destination America, which has nowhere near the reach as Spike TV.  But they are restarting their show for a new audience on the 16th of this month, and I'm going to be the audience.  That means that I'll have a review up of their show the following Monday.

Lucha Underground made a pretty surprising splash for me.  It got a lot of honorable mentions in my Best of 2014 Wrestling article, which is great because it has only had 10 episodes.  The schtick is that of film quality backstage segments, strong character focus, and really good matches.  The match quality of Lucha Underground sits in the middle zone of WWE: the average match is higher quality, but no match has really broken into the upper echelon of great matches that WWE always pulls out eventually every year.  With its focus on Aztec traditions and masked characters, it is an incredible show to watch.  They are starting their year, after giving us a lot of great episodes to introduce all twenty major characters on their roster, with an amazing match called Aztec Warfare.  I have no clue what it is, other than it seems to be a seeded gauntlet, so I'm excited to find out.

Lucha Underground is up first.

Lucha Underground opened with a lot of spectacle as a lot of traditional drums and dancing kick off the show, really making this feel special.  Aztec Warfare is a Royal Rumble style elimination gauntlet 20-man "Anything Goes" match.  Two men start, then every small amount of time, another man joins the match.  Last man to not get eliminated wins, and is the new, and FIRST Lucha Underground Champion.

No sugarcoating or beating around the bush, this match is great.  Super great.  It is a great way to opening wrestling for the year of 2015.  What is so great about it?  It has great moves, great moments, great characters, culminates a lot of stories, crowns a champion, and thrilled for a full hour of wrestling, including commercials.  We get closure on a bunch of storylines, learn every character, all the wrestlers are treated as if they had a legitimate chance to win ... for the most part, anyway.  This was really great stuff.  El Mariachi Loco, Mil Muertes, Prince Puma, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Pentagon Jr., Sexy Star, man, everyone impressed all match.  I cannot say it enough, this was a GREAT  match!  Even better, I am excited for the things to come.

I have now watched the episode, a full one-hour episode with a handful of 3 and a half minute breaks, that is just one match.  It is phenomenal.  Every single character, even the jobber kid, looks good, has a story, has a moment to shine, and looks like a credible threat to win.  The way the story builds is perfect.  The mirroring and closing out of a chapter in the story of Lucha Underground, which is just beginning, is flawless.  The match does all the storytelling a Royal Rumble does, but with all the actual skill and credible finishes of a regular match.

My favorite thing in the whole match is that there was only two times someone stopped another luchadore from pinning an opponent.  The first was Big Ryck, who is not a luchadore, just a brawling enormous mammoth of a man.  The second is Chavo Guerrero Jr., who is so egotistical, he wants to pin a guy himself and keeps throwing guys off him to get the pinfall, even though it doesn't matter.  That is exciting!  How many times in a Royal Rumble match do you see guys helping save other guys from getting thrown over because they are wasting time between spots?  Most Rumbles it happens.  But here, every moment was perfectly executed.  On top of that, Lucha Underground pretapes and edits their episodes, so every single move and shot is from the best, most interesting angle, and if something important is happening on the outside of the ring, we always cut to it.  I LOVE Lucha Underground!

Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! Lucha! Lucha!

I implore you all, every wrestling fan or wanna-be fan, or just someone who likes Lucha, or just someone who likes Robert Rodrigeuz, or just ... everyone, really!  WATCH LUCHA UNDERGROUND!  Have a hard time watching Lucha Underground because you can't or don't get the El Rey Network, but want to give this a chance?  You are in luck because Lucha Underground consistently shares videos on their facebook page.  Absolutely go give them a look and a like.

IHAO on ... Tusk

So Kevin Smith got high, did a podcast, and came up with a concept for a film.  Three films, as best as I can tell, actually.  And Tusk is the first.  And Tusk is ... pretty damn unique.  How should I tackle this one? Ok, let's start like this:

Tusk is a bad movie.

It isn't a terrible movie.  It is in fact somewhere between forty-five minutes and an hour of a really solid thriller, an A++  kind of movie with some quirk but some great editing, writing, character, acting, and tension.  The first act, the entire first act, is actually pretty superb.  I would suggest to all of you reading that if you wanted to watch this movie, the weird body horror thriller, watch right up to that spot.  Which spot is that?  For lack of better word, it is the money shot.  What does that mean?  Do I have to stop being vague?  UGH, fine!

Tusk tells the totally-not-Kevin-Smith-stand-in-character Wallace (Justin Long), a failed comedian now very successful podcaster, as he travels to Canada to interview an internet face guy.  When that falls through, he spots an old man saying he has stories, so to not have wasted the trip he meets that old man, played by Michael Parks.  Things go crazy fast, as the old man tries to turn Wallace into a walrus, as the title alludes.

As kind of dumb as that premise sounds, the first hour really succeeds.  There is some great acting, great editing, and awesome tension.  It isn't perfect, as there are some strictly not good jokes in there, but a lot of that is because the lead character himself is failed comedian, so he thinks a podcast called a Not-See Party is  a good joke, and we understand him.  Kevin Smith does a great job, Justin Long does as well, and Micheal Parks does some really nice stuff as well.  And the theme is really great, with this driving rhythm and real tension to it.

So what happens at the "money shot" that kills the movie?  And I mean, kills it, kills it dead, makes it lose all momentum and never regains it.  Part of it might be that all the camerawork and filmmaking turns to a farce to instead focus on really terrible camerawork, bad framing, stupid music, and a script that likes to hear itself make stupid jokes.  Part of it might be the extended extended cameo of Johnny Depp, playing an awful, time-wasting former detective Quebecer.  That is really painful.  Maybe its that all the lighting loses that tense warm glow that is both inviting and still dark and terrifying.  Maybe its that the writing has moved on since the movie finally did what it wanted to do, showed the walrus-man, and now it is just expedient to plot and fills up the rest of the run time with bad jokes.  Maybe it is all those things.  Except no maybe, it is indeed all of those things.

I haven't turned a movie so fast in a long time.  And it sucks, because Tusk was actually a really good short film!  End the movie on that money shot, even with it being awful, jokey camerawork, and you have a really good, really succinct film.  But the second half is so atrociously bad, that I can barely recommend it at all.  Watch if you are curious or thinking you could potentially like it, and once the halfway point happens, know you are in for a bumpy, terrible finish.

Grade: D+-

IHAO on ... Pizza Hut Random Pizza!

PIZZA IS WONDERFUL!  Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.  And that is the end.  Cheese, dough, tomatos, and all sorts of amazing toppings, in a bunch of incredible combinations, in a bunch of styles, from super thick to super thin to pretzel crusts to sausage and cheese stuff to regular, all of it is glorious.  I mean, some of the toppings I don't like, but even the worst toppings on a pizza are just a small price to pay for the gloriousness that is pizza.  Just throw those mushrooms or black olives or whatever harmful veggie or meat you dislike away, because there is so much to love!

My love of pizza has been longstanding.  Most kids my age loved pizza because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but I do believe I liked the TMNT because I loved pizza.  Pizza was as close to a religion in my household growing up as a circular food-based entity could be.  Every Tuesday we would jump into my Dad's Dodge Ram and drive to the now defunct and empty Mazzios' pizza, which was the best pizza I ever had, for their buffet dinner.  I learned about great music like Boston, Journey, and Queen there on their jukebox, and was filled with dreams of Samurai Showdown and every changing but always the same pinball games, as well as Puzzle Bobble, which was my favorite game and the only one my parents would let me waste my money one.  Probably why I got so good at puzzle games, to not waste quarters between slices of wonderful pizza.  My father would irritate the waitresses, which he always knew by name, by singing "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie."  He did that for years.  Still does in fact, 20+ years later.  Eventually, Mazzios' closed down, because the world is unfair and everything is awful.

I grew up, I became older, but I continued my deep-down-in-my-stomach romance with pizza pie.  I'd eat it at lunch in middle school and high school as much as possible.  My father moved on to getting Little Caeser's for us about once a week (not quite that often, unfortunately) and we'd watch a movie or wrestling or maybe one of Mom's hour-long dramas on CBS.  Church had pizza dinner for kids all through those years every Wednesday, and with a Dominos right across the street from the church, our youth group had it just as often.  There were a lot of pounds gained during this period of life, and there would be many more.

I went to college, and the pizza just ... wasn't the same.  It wasn't as good, my love wasn't as high, everyone ate Papa John's which I always disliked, and I just couldn't find a pizza I loved.  Until Pizza Inn, which is apparently what Mazzios' was a named franchise of!  I found it, I loved it, I went weekly once again, maybe more.  But life happened, things changed, and I was forced to move back to my hometown.  Now, I have a roommate that makes pizza and every now and again, nowhere near the weekly I'd love, we feast on Pizza Hut pizza.  The online prices are incredible, and I never order from his pizza, because that's rude.  And sometimes, a pizza gets messed up, so free-zza!

My life and pizza are intertwined.  I carry 210ish pounds of proof, maybe more, I don't know how much bones weigh.  So why talk about it all now?  Well, that roommate is a lover of randomness.  He decides everything either through randomness or through routine.  He is an odd duck, but he did come up with a brilliant idea for New Year's Eve: random pizzas.

He put all the crust types in a randomizer, all the toppings in a randomizer, and all the finishers that Pizza Hut just added into a randomizer, then gets a crust, three toppings, and two finishers.  And we had two Random Pizzas.  And they were fabulous!  The first was a meatball, ham, and spinach pizza with a honey barbeque sauce, regular crust, with pretzel finishing and asiago cheese.  Glorious.  The second sounds like a real pizza that could be one menu: green peppers, jalapenos, bacon, all on a medium buffalo sauce, thin sliced (a new amazing thing I never heard of between thin and regular), covered in honey sriarcha sauce and Ginger Boom Boom dusting the crust.  That was my favorite, so spicy and glorious.  I was in heaven.  And it'll be a thing we do more often!

Not only that, you should try it!  Have a party about it!  Tell me in the comments if you do it, I would love to hear it!  Facebook it, tumble it, link me along with it so I can see!  Let's all have fun with a random pizza!  How?  By coming to my roommate's Pizza Hut at Thomas Crossroads in Coweta County, GA.  Or make the random lists yourself using random.org, it's easy!  I want #randompizza to be a thing!  Fill up your instagrams, as well as your bellies!

Arbitrary Numbers: Top # Super Sentai Theme Songs

Go go Power Rangers!

You just heard the guitar riff, didn't you?  I am pretty sure everyone, no matter who they are or what their taste is in entertainment, gets a rush of pure unadulterated AWESOME when the original Power Rangers theme plays.  It is one of the greatest theme songs of all time.  Theme songs do a lot for a show.  Ducktales, Rescue Rangers, Talespin, Disney has it figured out.  Lots of shows did, I mean come on, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

But today, I'm going to talk about another show.  A show that has lasted for 39 years, with the newest 39th Super Sentai series starting THIS YEAR!  It is about ninjas, the third Sentai about ninjas in fact, and my excitement over watching ToQger currently and watching Gokaiger with my wife that has gotten me all atizzy about the other Super Sentai themes.  Why?  Because they are flipping awesome, that's why!  But how can I share that with you?  Well, with an arbitrary list that counts down all my favorites I wanna talk about!  I am going to countdown my favorites sentai themes, and even better, link them to you, then create a playlist so you can listen to my favorites ... or just listen to all of them, because they are all on youtube!  I have them running on my computer as I write articles, as I begin my new exercise regime, and even on CDs I made for the car!

There are 39 main themes because I'm not going to include the additional themes, mostly because then ToQ #6 awesome harmonica theme would win downright; and while I could rank all 39 of them, that would take forever, and that's not really a list ... I mean, it IS a list by the strict definition of what a list is, but it isn't an internet list, which is about giving you a smattering of information so that you are titillated enough to check the stuff out yourself.  So here is my criteria for how a song gets on my list:
 - Catchiness, or as I like to call it Get-Stuck-In-Your-Head-itude
 - AWESOMENESS, or pure power and sheer musical might
 - a lack of lameness; or the "no little kids singing"
 - Great on its own, or the "you don't have to like Sentai or this series to like this song"

Ok, here we go, my ...

TOP 9 SUPER SENTAI THEME SONGS

Dairanger

The song starts out with this crazy old school theremin sound until it gets into its groove and the "whoa whoa whoa whoa."  This song isn't one that's going to murder you with awesome, no, and that is why it is on the bottom of my favorites list, but it is absolutely a catchy piece with this fantastic groove, silly drumkit beat.  It is a nice lead-in and gets stuck in my head every now and again.  I'll just be wandering around Wal Mart or Kroger or wherever, doing mundane nothing like grocery shopping and I'll just start going "whoa whoa whoa whoa."  That's how I knew it had to be represented on this list.

Gokaiger

You never forget your first.  This song is bright, happy, and fully orchestrated, which I always love.  It is simple and catchy and fun.  Watching the show I wanted it to be more pirate-y sounding, and that is probably my biggest critique of the song, that it fits as a great Sentai theme, but not as a great Sentai theme for the only pirate Sentai there has been.  This is the kind of thing you can expect from most Sentai, just a bright and happy song.  Until we get into the more awesome and the catchier ones!

Denjiman

I would be remiss to not put a theme song from the early years, and Denjiman is absolutely the one!  With its trumpets and real cool bass beat.  It is also another great one to sing a long with.  It reminds me of "Where There's a Whip, There's a Way" which is a fabulous song in its own rights.  It has this wonderful 70s feel to it, and while that is dated, as I almost always saying, dated =/= bad.  This is a time capsule of a cool groovin' song.  Denji-, denjiman, denji-, denjiman!

GoGoV

I love feeling like a hero!  In fact, stay tuned, because next week there will be a new playlist review just like the Saddest and Happiest songs I did not too long ago, based on Triumphant songs!  And I would be shocked if some of these didn't make the list, because this one and one a few steps higher absolutely take the cake for feeling like a HERO!  The swell of the music, the orchestra moving at a fever pitch, the lead singer belting out his heroic intentions!

One of the things that makes me happiest is a nice epic build.  And GoGoV has an incredible build up to the second chorus: SAVE THE EARTH!  SAVE THE LIVES!  I sing that at the top of my lungs and it makes me feel just absolutely epic.  Not as epic as other songs, but it does the job for me.  I considered starting the list here, but the other songs kept getting stuck in my head, so I had to include them.  And I wasn't going to not mention this one.

SAVE THE EARTH!  SAVE THE LIVES!

Go-Onger

I talked about Power Rangers RPM not too terribly long ago, and how much I hated how ashamed the show felt of its silliness, trying to hide the inherent silly nature of the Sentai they used with its "dark and mature" story, which I ultimately felt failed.  Go-Onger

If you need more proof, a friend walked in as I wrote this article, and she immediately started dancing.  Immediately.  Because of just the song.  She doesn't know anything about the source material or the style of show, but she does know she liked this song.  Boom boom bom bom, Go-Onger!

Timeranger

Remember how I talked about epicness with GoGoV?  Timeranger is on this list because it is supremely epic.  It murders epic, buries its corpse, and yet a bigger more awesome Groot tree rises where the seeds of epicness were buried, alive and well, bring awesomeness and epic brilliance to everyone around him as his epicness saves the entire galaxy!

Timeranger's theme is also the only song with a female lead, and it starts in English, which helps me get into it as an American.  It isn't a requirement, as the next three will show you, but it really does help.  I love the swell of the music, the amazing choir, the squealing electric guitar, the amazing organ music ... it is just a smorgasbord of great music!

Hurricanger

We have now entered the super fricking fun and catchy section!  The top 3 are all the most ridiculous energetic and catchy songs I've heard as themes.  They are right up there with Ducktales and Rescue Rangers.  These are themes that transcend language and show.  They are songs we should be listening to all the time for fun, to work out, to cook, to clean, to sleep, to do everything!

Hurricanger is an inherently more hilarious song, with its silly beat and sound effects, sounding like the scoring was created in Mario Paint, and just an incredibly bubbly song and lyrics that are super singable, it is a great song.  I really cannot get enough of it.  The reason it does reach the top is it doesn't get me as pumped as the next to, and is nowhere near as serious with its ridiculous apprentice DJ soundboard music.

ToQger

RAINBOW TRAINS POWERED BY IMAGINATION, WITH A BASICALLY SKA SONG AS THEIR THEME SONG!  It doesn't fail like Gokaiger did, not sound like its theme, as you can always here the train track-styled rhythm all throughout.  It has some seriously great music going on, too, like a really great second verse that is actually different sounding than the first.  I know they are different words in most of these themes, but musically they all tend to be V-C-V-C-B-C, and that's all.  But the second verse for ToQger has this amazingly cool kinda punky-ska drum breakdown before it gets back into the chorus.  I really truly love this song.  There is only one reason that it isn't number 1, and that's because of a language barrier that I'll eventually conquer.  But what if there was a song just as hype and rocking, but I actually get the schtick of the Japanese without it having to slip into English for me to understand it?  Hmmm .....

Shinkenger

A cool traditional Japanese sound evolves into the most blood pumping, sweat inducing rock song, just ... ever!  With its background chorus of "chan-bara-chan-bara" I can always sing along even when I don't quite know the words, I can sing every word of the chorus because it is simple enough and catchy enough and even better clear enough that I learned it no problem.  This is the song I leave on repeat over and over as I do my new workout regime.  I feel like a rocking hero all the time and just work and work and never grow tired as this song blasts along!  It is a dense song musically, with a lot of melodies, counter melodies, and really tight harmonies all throughout, some of it modern rock, some of it updated traditional sounding Japanese musical.  It keeps its themes of the show, reinforces them, and is fantastically musical in nature.  I love the song.  I loved the song before I started caring about Sentai at all.  And that absolutely means something to me!

There we are!  All nine.  I could talk about so many more, like Go-Busters or Kakuranger, but these are the ones I'm limiting this article to.  And like I promised, here is a fantastic playlist, in order, or my nine favorites!  Give it a listen, and enjoy these songs, which truly are for everyone, Sentai lover or not.

TOP # Super Sentai Theme Songs Playlist

IHAO on ... Slings and Arrows

I love finding obscure, cool, movies and television shows.  It is part of the reason I collect, it is part of the reason I love to host, and it is definitely a reason why I enjoy writing these reviews for this site.  I go scouring the internet for cool things all the time, hoping to find more nuggets than garbage.  And I found one.  One that isn't even that hard to find yourself, and for some of my readers I think just may be the right show for you.

Slings and Arrows is very similar to an Aaron Sorkin show.  It is a hour-long comedy-drama that tells the difficulties of the actors, producers, executive stuaff, directors, and everyone else at a Shakespeare festival in Canada, all based around the major production of that year.  The first season focuses on Hamlet, the second on Macbeth, and the third on King Lear.  Beyond that, the show itself is Shakespearean in nature as well, with Shakespearean plots and character archetypes being filled all through the show.  There's even a ghost!

Much like I praised Birdman because of its incredible way of showing the inner-workings of a production of a show, Slings and Arrows does very similar, but with more overarching themes and plots like a Sorkin show.  It is superbly acted by Paul Gross as our leading man, playing a truly mad director with a passion for theatre.  He is surrounded by incredible actors, including two of the show's creators and writers, Susan Coyne, who you may not know but will really enjoy and Mark McKinney (you probably know him from SNL and Kids in the Hall).

It is hard to talk about how good the show is.  But that's absolutely my job, so let me try.  The show's characters all care about one thing: showing truth and emotion through the words written by William Shakespeare.  And that singular care makes the show alive with emotion.  There is humor and romance and terror and tragedy and villainous schemes and heroic plans and ends just like every Shakespearean comedy, with a wedding.  With only six episodes a season, the entire collection is absolutely worth searching out if you have any love of theatre, especially a theatre's inner workings and plots.  I very much recommend the show to everyone who loves drama and just ... good shows.

((-=-))

Hey ... everybody, guess what?  We're finally on Facebook!  Come on over and LIKE US right here!  Get all your updates guaranteed!  Share it around so we can get more fans!  It'll be Keane!

IHAO on ... Everything-Else of the Year 2014

Get ready, this is a long one!

Welp, you guys did it.  You guys took a thing and made it more than mostly ridiculous.  It is a terrible list that is worth no one’s time, and I’m going to give you exactly what you asked for!  It is going to be ridiculous, but honest as best as I can.  The only things I will not be answering from the enormous list of “of the years” will be anything that is not actually an opinion but a fact I can look up.  I’ll also randomize these, and I couldn’t remember who gave me these at all.  So let’s do this.

“Most Wonderful Time” of the year 2014

Christmas is great, as is Halloween, but I can absolutely state that the most wonderful time of the year is early December afternoons, when the sky is grey and the weather is chill, when the breeze is hard and slow.  That is always the most wonderful.  I love it, and always will.

“Meal” of the year 2014

I’ve eaten a lot of meals this year.  On average probably 1.7 a day.  There have been a lot of things made by me and others that have been pretty outstanding, but for me, the meal of this year was a month or so ago at Moe’s.  The health inspector had just come and was giving notes, so I got my Wrong Doug with the grilled green peppers ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.  I have never had one as good as I did that day when Drew and I randomly decided to go early.

“D&D character (in games I’ve run or been a part of this year)” of the year 2014

I am currently running two Dungeons and Dragons games.  I hope to be running a third World of Darkness game soon as well.  Of the two games, to pick a single character would be hard, but I bet you my players would absolutely agree that the character of the year is Livbl, a snake-oil salesman from a chaotic swamp town we spent awhile in.  He was a scam artist, everyone knew it, but they kept letting his charm and work ethic win them over until eventually one of the players bought out every potion this flim-flam artist was selling in one big swoop.

“Seasoning/spice” of the year 2014

Paprika.  From Wal Mart.

“Episode of television” of the year 2014

There are only two television shows I watch at all currently that aren’t wrestling or sentai.  And they both had an AMAZING midseason finale … so I’m going with both of those.  Flash s01e09 and Arrow s03e09.  Both were incredible, and both shows continue to be my favorite shows in recent memory.  Flash is currently a little better than Arrow as a whole, but I love both of these episodes equally.

“Theft” of the year 2014

I was real worried that I wouldn’t have anything for this category, but luckily my good friend Jason helped me out by getting his car window smashed and some stuff stolen.  Don’t worry or feel bad though, he is in surprisingly good spirits about it.  It was a nail-biter, but this one just made it in time.

“Death” of the year 2014

Absolutely it is the devastating loss of the Ultimate Warrior.  You can read about it here, and I quote his final promo in my Wrestling of the Year article as well.

“Day” of the year 2014

May 23^rd

“Video Performance by Beyonce” of the year 2014

I am not a Beyonce fan.  That is to say, I don’t listen to her music or watch her videos.  But I am a fan of other artists, and do watch their videos, and one of them happens to be a Beyonce one, which is probably the only video I watched that had anything to do with Beyonce this year, so itwins by default.  

“Betrayal” of the year 2014

Oh goodness.  Ok, so I’ve sat here for probably two hours stuck on this one.  I still have … 34 more of these to answer for the year, and I have quite honestly no idea at all.  I mean, I guess I need to go with … no, you know what, I’ll go a little more subtle than what I was planning.  I’m going with Adrian Neville’s betrayal of his friendship to Sami Zayn as he fought to retain his championship.  Adrian got as close to heel as a face could ever get without actually becoming a full-fledged bad guy, called his best friend unworthy and not good enough, and allowed himself to, while never cheating, bend the rules of matches in a way that is absolutely a betrayal of his own virtues and his friendship and competitive spirit with Sami Zayn.  There we go.

“World Event” of the year 2014

Bah.  Ummm … let’s go with the entire North Korea/The Interview debacle.  That was ridiculous here in the states, but also across the world.  I don’t know if affected anyone else around the world, but it is certainly a crazy event.

“Best Hamming/Worst Hamming” of the year 2014

Worst is easy.  Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber To, which as I posted yesterday, was the worst film for me of the year.  He was an awful caricature of himself, constantly chewing the scenary and mugging for the camera.  Best Hamming … The Rock’s social media comedy.  He is ridiculous and fun and hilarious and shout-outs to all sorts of people and is just he smiley-est and dopey-est enormous Hercules of a dude.  Good work, Dwayne.

“Engaged couple (wink wink hint hint nudge nudge please pick Poseph)” of the year 2014

Some of the inside jokes and requests here are a little more subtle.  Like, it isn’t so obvious that Michael Collins asked about “hamming.” But Paige is being pretty daggum obvious.  So I guess I’ll have to pick … Joge!  BOOOM!  That’s right, I’m using a different abbreviation of your names that ends up sounding like a stupid meme that I hate!  Much whatever, stupid joke, don’t do it right.

“Inside joke that no one else will know except the person who was part of it and will confuse everyone cuz im not even gona explain it or give any names” of the year 2014

Potato stockings, bra.  Potato stockings.

“Catchphrase” of the year 2014

S. A. W. F. T.  Saaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwft!

“Dog” of the year 2014

P-chan, my wonderful pug, will always win this award until the unfortunate year she is no longer with us, in which I will retire this category to never be used again.

“Figure of Speech” of the year 2014

It is hard to describe, but a really stupid thing we end up doing in my household is to just mangle and ruin words in the worst possible way.  Such as “Daniel” becomes “Dangus.”  “Drew” becomes “Drewbii.”  “Melanie” becomes “Melalaualulalll.”  It is awful.  And we do it all the time.  So yeah, that.

“Piece of Mail I received” of the year 2014

Uh … I mean, I’ve order a bunch of cool stuff for the site and for myself.  And I know for a fact that the thing I am always the most excited to get is the next One Piece Collection for my DVD set!  I have the first 10, all of which I got this year, and it has become a favorite show of mine! I talked about it on the site in fact RIGHT HERE!  And COLLECTION 11 comes out in January!!!  So yeah, those.  Well, I have to pick one, so I’ll say that the one I was most excited for was Collection 4.

“’Of the Year’ list” of the year 2014

This one.

“Thing I hated” of the year 2014

Man, there are probably a lot of things I fumed and cussed and moaned about this year.  Most of the times it is things on this site, like the Batman review or Interstellar.  But the thing I think I hated most this year was the crop of memes that became popular right at the end of the year, especially the abstract frog feeling thing.  Ugh.

“Kabuki” of the year 2014

Uh … I mean, I watch a LOT of stuff, but … the closest I can say is Ressha Sentai ToQger, I suppose, since it is a Japanese art form like Kabuki.  I love it so much, and other sentai so much, that I’m think about starting a new series about it all.  I’ll talk about it more next year.

“Comedian” of the year 2014

This one is hard.  Wait, no it isn’t.  It is totally gonna be my (soon to be) good friend Paul!  He came and did a ten minute set for the best improve show that myself and the rest of the troupe I am in did, and he performed to his largest audience yet, which is amazingly cool!  He is real funny, and is working hard to be great at comedy.  I need to do something with him next year.  Maybe something … wrestling related.  Maybe something … podcast related.  Hmmm …

“Best class played (in Dungeons and Dragons)” of the year 2014

All right, this one is fun.  In my two campaigns, these are the break downs of the classes:

-          The Books of Eight Campaign: Invoker, Thief, Gypsy, Druid/Thief, Shaman, Fighter, Cleric (deceased)

-          Dunesko: Mirager, Fighter, Cleric/Thief, Necromancer, Bard

There isn’t a lot of overlap, especially considering how drastically different the two fighters are.  But really, my favorite class played currently is Shaman, which doesn’t work like most classes as you cannot cast quickly, you have to plan things out and ask favors of spirits, until you become more powerful and can chance doing an immediate calling.

Oh, wait, it says “best.”  Yeah, I love utility classes, but Shaman is definitely not the best, no offense to Alanthelis “Drew” Turner.  The class I think is the best, as in most effective and as a DM is the one I have the hardest time to plan around, is Druid.  Druid OP, what can I say. 

“Awkward Moment” of the year 2014

I have moments that were awkward for a lot of reasons, but none I really want to talk about or think top out the year.  The most awkard moment I can think of was very early in the year when, during an improve show, I made a “blue” joke.  A very funny one, too, but it was exceedingly off-color, and it bothered a few people, though none of the people that it could have bothered.  Yeah, it was a race joke.  And the guys I talked to of the race loved it.  But it still bothered enough people that I was told about it.  And I then had to go and talk to the parents of the kids I teach improve to every year and apologize.  That was rough.  Luckily, not a single parent cared, thought I did anything bad, or thought I was a bad influence on their kid.  Or at least, not THAT bad.  Ok, so maybe a few, but it didn’t actually hurt my standing with any of the parents or the kids, and that was what I was most worried about.  It was not an easy moment, and absolutely taught me that while I personally believe there is no such things as an “off limits joke,” when I teach kids, I need to make sure I am a little more above reproach if I want to continue to work with those kids, and if I want to move up the ranks in the theatre.

“Confession” of the year 2014

Does this mean I need to confess something?  I mean, I could be scandalous I suppose.  Or is this a thing that was confessed already and should be remembered for it?  Uhh … I’m going to go with the later, because I’ll probably lose at least one friend if I make a confession I was thinking about doing.  Of the confessions that have already happened … OH, a friend confessed to me that he hated it when people use his last name as his name or nickname and I hadn’t known it for YEARS and had not only been doing it, but had gotten other people doing it to.  That was … I mean, that’s a big confession that made me realize I need to be a little better with that kind of thing.  We are better friends now.  :D

“Albino” of the year 2014

This albino pug:

“Game” of the year 2014

Hey!  That’s a real category and not a joke one!  I can totally answer that for reals because I play some games and I like to review things!

The game that epitomized the year 2014 to me was Twitch Plays Pokemon.  It showed a fascinating love of the games, all building up to the newest generation and the newest remake of an old generation.  It got people talking about and playing pokemon again, including me.  Even more, it was a MASSIVE shared experience that created some great story through the random elements of the game because of the way the game worked.  Seriously, check out this write up of the entire story of the game series.  It is fascinating!  

“#swagsockwednesday” of the year 2014

Ok, so looking at the hashtag on tumblr, my favorite one is this one:

And that’s because I bought those for him.  Boom, I’m great.  Go me.

“Protest” of the year 2014

Everything in Ferguson.  Just, all of it.  Cops suck.

“Fruit” of the year 2014

I want to make a joke and put a gay guy, but I’m going to actually answer this correctly.  The fruit of the year here at IHAO has to be … apples, I guess.

“Movie Trailer (for a film I have not yet seen)” of the year 2014

Seventh Son!  That looks like a frickin’ awesome fantasy movie with tons of action and magic and monster and it just looks so cool!  I’m so tired of Tolkien and even more so Peter Jackson styled epic fantasy films, and Seventh Son looks great and new and interesting!  WOOOOO!!

“Cornucopia” of the year 2014

I think my mother-in-law had one she put on her dining room table around Thanksgiving, so I guess that one.

“Character Death” of the year 2014

Absolutely, the one that sticks with me the most this year is from John Wick.  I cannot say who it is, what happens, or any of that, but it was crazy emotional and has stuck with me even to this point.

“Ninja Space Cowboy” of the year 2014

Space Dandy

“Least Noteworthy Performance” of the year 2014

See, this one is hard, because this is quite literally me giving a note to the performance here.  I could cop out now and say I can’t answer it because of that, but nah, I’m going to actually try.  I suppose I’m going to give it to … there was a blonde actress in an episode of Flash that worked with Iris who I think got one line about how Barry would make a good boyfriend or something.  Yeah, her.

“Plot Twist” of the year 2014

The midseason finale to Arrow.

“Choice Make Out Sesh” of the year 2014

May 23^rd

“Color” of the year 2014

Interesting … I think I need to go with brown.  Like, shoe-leather brown. 

“Campaign slogan” of the year 2014

“Vote for Me”

“Most unexpected compliment” of the year 2014

My self-opinion is not very pleasant.  And on top of it, I don’t take compliments well.  They make me nervous and anxious and those words are synonyms.  But I got a compliment from a friend that just rekindled our friendship about my skill level and where I could go in the future that really touched me, profoundly.  I may be 30, but I still think of myself as young for whatever reason, mostly because I mean that as a negative, like I don’t have as much worth as other folks.  So it was just incredibly kind, and really shaped my decision on where I wanted to move forward in my life.  So yeah, that one.

“Worst film” of the year 2014

Dumb and Dumber To

“Best non-CGI effect” of the year 2014

This one is a hard one, because I’ve seen a lot of good films this year, but most effects work is now in CGI land.  And the thing that stands out to me is actually from Guardians of the Galaxy … the costuming and makeup for most of the cast.  It was shocking, seeing behind the scenes footage, or how much of the look of this movie was completely legitimate.  Awesome stuff.

And the last and final category of this year …

“Socks” of the year 2014

My wonderful wife got me LootCrate, and I was happy as all heaven to get it!  Even better, it had GROOT SOCkS in there!  The socks are cool, comfortable, and were a hug surprise as well as a present.  Those are the socks that win, absolutely.

All right everyone, thank you for reading my silly inane list of reader suggested categories.  And I want to say to all of you thank you for reading what I’m putting out there.  You guys taking your time to read, share, and comment keep me going and working hard at this, and have really helped me want to push myself further, with better articles, more constant updates, and more features and specials that I can share with everyone.  Thank you all.  I hope you have a great New Year’s Eve, and I will see you all on Monday with the first review of the new year!

IHAO on ... Best (and Worst) Films of the Year 2014

I’ve built up to this one for … really no reason.  I mean, I am mostly a film critic here at I Have an Opinion, but I review other stuff, too, and arguably the things I get the most views on are wrestling reviews, and those I did yesterday, but … whatever!  I want to do Best Movies of the Year, all leading up to the actual best film I saw this year, as well as my thoughts on what makes that movie so good.  And I suppose I'll do the Worsts, too, just for fun!

So I suppose I’ll split the "bests" into two categories: best movies I saw all year not in theaters, and then the best films OF the year.  I’ll link to them all and just make life fun and entertaining while I do it.  So let’s take a gander first at every film I’ve reviewed this year that I gave an A+ or higher, all with links now so I don't have to later:

Not in Theaters: Snowpiercer, A Monster in Paris, Saw III, The Human Race, Bee Movie, Altered States, White House Down, Odd Thomas, Rocky III, Rocky II, Rocky, EdTV, Someone Like You, The Wrestler, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Flypaper, Lovelace

In Theaters: Penguins of Madagascar, John Wick, Birdman or the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance, Maze Runner, Guardians of the Galaxy, Hercules, Oculus, Captain America: the Winter Soldier

I suppose now, I’m just going to go ahead and to the top 5, counting down to the best in each category, and talk a little more about them!  It should be known that this list is going to be a cumulative list.  By that I mean that it will be my best to combine both what I think is the highest quality and what I liked the most.   You with me?  Fantastic, let’s do this.

Not in Theaters Number 5: Rocky III

I loved watching the Rocky films this year.  It was so amazing to learn that my opinion of what a Rocky film was, based on the clips of III and IV I had seen, had no real relation to what the series is actually about.  That said, Rocky III did the sports drama the absolute best I’ve ever seen, without losing any of the character drama that Rocky gave us.  It picked up its pace and became a fantastic film in its own rights, the last great Rocky film.  Clubber Lang is an incredible character, the story so perfectly finishes up the major trilogy of the Rocky stories, and the color and film work is just fantastic.  I really love the franchise now, and Rocky III just makes it into the top 5.

Not in Theaters Number 4: Lovelace

Amanda Seyfried was phenomenal.  She deserved an Oscar nod.  And on top of that Lovelace is a complicated film.  It isn’t just a biopic about the woman from Deepthroat.  It is a really well written, well acted, well plotted film.  We don’t just amble along linearly, no, instead the film works its magic through excellent editing and pacing to really help us the audience get a deeper experience.  Lovelace was an amazing film, and I am so happy to have seen it and to now own it.

Not in Theaters Number 3: The Wrestler

With all the wrestling talk I’ve done this year, I am so happy to have finally checked this film out.  Darren Aronofsky continues to be one of my favorite directors.  This is a quiet film that is real and touching.  You see real professional wrestlers talking backstage, the curtain behind an industry that is still shrouded in some small bits of mystery in a fascinating way.  It is a character driven film, which I always love, and Randy the Ram lives on as a real character.  I believe that it is him.  Watching this film and learning more and more about life for older wrestlers, it is heartbreaking and personal.  It is an amazing film.

Not in Theaters Number 2: Rocky

Yeah, the third film made it on the list too.  And Rocky II sits at number 6, just so you know.  Rocky won Best Picture in 1976, but also Best Director, and even more interesting, Best Editing.  Best editing nowadays is a joke category, generally given to the films that indeed have the most edits in them.  But when really treated like it is an art form, excellent editing creates tension, it drives story, and it fuels emotion.  Rocky is an incredible film, an incredible drama about one of the most likable characters in film history. 

Recently, I was watching a video that pondered the question: “If aliens came to earth, and you could show all of them one film to sum up all of humanity, what movie would you show them?”  And Rocky was my answer.  The story of the true meaning of the human spirit, not to win or destroy, but to survive, to go the distance.  The story of a man who wasn’t the brightest, nowhere close in fact, but a man who worked and tried, and was given a chance.  The story of a man who fell in love, and who goes through the entire human spectrum of emotion.  A perfect film.

Not in Theaters Number 1: Snowpiercer

So how can another movie top a perfect film from 1976?  By being a more stylized, deeper, more thought-provoking thrill ride of emotion, color, and crisp art.  Snowpiercer IS art.  It is the best modern film I’ve seen this year, maybe the best actual film I’ve ever seen.  It is deep, it is funny, it is violent, it is thoughtful, it is mesmerizing, it is filled with amazing characters, it is chockfull of tension, it is supremely well directed and edited, it has amazing music, it has amazing visuals, it has amazing acting, it has amazing actors.  It is dark, but hopeful.  It is creepy, but understandable.  It is human, but entirely foreign.  And it shocked me with how many clever turns and twists it could take without ever resulting in cheap storytelling or plot convenience.  It is the best film I saw this year … not in theaters.

((-=-))

I’m incredibly happy with that list.  But I have two more lists to go.  First, the best films OF the year!  The films that I saw in theaters that blew me away and were absolutely ones I want to own (and many of them I do!), I want to share with others, and deserve awards.

Number 5: Oculus

Just narrowly beating out Captain America: the Winter Soldier for the number 5 slot is one of the scariest, most intense, most inventive new horror films I’ve ever seen.  See, I’m a Dungeons and Dragons lover, and my game world of choice is Ravenloft, a gothic horror inspired set.  And Oculus hits every single one of my buttons, and does something that very few films has ever done well: it uses perception and illusion as the ultimate crux of the horror.  Oculus is absolutely terrifying, and beyond that, has Karen Gillan giving a really fantastic performance.  The film isn’t gory, it isn’t foul, it isn’t sexist, it doesn’t have any of the pitfalls most horror movies fall into.  It is clever, horrifying, and an amazing experience. 

Number 4: Maze Runner

This is probably controversial, and in fact I may be the only film critic to put this film this high on their year’s end lists.  But I don’t care, I think Maze Runner doesn’t get enough credit.  Maze Runner is deceptively simple, and is more than likely ignored for that fact.  Its simplicity is not a negative, but a positive, as its story is fueled by its simple setup of a dystopian future.  The film is societal in nature, with incredible, memorable characters, all of which were young adults!  That is NOT a common statement.  The film is also beautiful, with an amazing sense of size and color without feeling unnatural, even though you know it is.  The last … few minutes of plot are truly unnecessary, and a bit of a let down, but they make up such a small percentage that even they don’t kill the film for me.  I really suggest everyone give this clever, yet simple science fiction film a chance.

Number 3: John Wick

I want to curse and yell and shoot guns in the air!  This is the best straight action movie I’ve seen in probably 5 years.  It is cool and sophisticated and clever and original.  It has fantastic acting from all sorts of guys that many do not give a chance, especially Keanu Reeves who is a criminally underrated actor that was finally able to really show all his skill and all his range in a film.  The action sequences are tight, exhilarating, and awesome to behold.  The plot is an awesome take on a pretty standard story that breathes new life into the film.  The villains are vile, and our hero is almost as bad, but yet we root for him!  The movie does such a tremendous job of getting us into John Wick’s head and really falling for the character.  This film could have easily gotten number 2, and some days I could even argue it was the best film I saw all year.

Number 2: Guardians of the Galaxy

Of course this movie is on the list.  In fact, me not putting it at number 1 might shock some of my readers.  Guardians of the Galaxy is the first space opera since the original Star Wars films that actually worked.  It is grandiose, it is hilarious, it is action-packed, it has just a touch of romance, it has amazing visuals you just want to sink into, it has memorable characters that will never leave the zeitgeist, and it is more than just a standard summer blockbuster.  It is a smart movie with a theme and a plot that culminates not with a fire or a storm, but with a whisper, to paraphrase the bible some what sacrilegiously.  Every time I watch the movie, I am in awe.  It is in fact the only movie I saw in theaters more than once this year.  A movie that beats this one would have to be something really special …

Number 1: Birdman, or the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance

Birdman is the most well-made film I saw all year.  Period.  Every actor, every scene, every line, every performance, every bit of the amazingly cool jazz drum score, every  camera move, every special effect, every. Single. Detail. Of this film was thought out and superbly crafted.  This film is one of the hardest films to talk about this year as well.  It is a film that every time I talk about it and some asks me to tell them what it is about, I have to ask “do you mean ‘what’s the plot’ or ‘what’s the movie about?’”  It is a deep, artistic film that covers every single aspect of the film making and dramatic process, from writing to production to acting to directing to set building to being a PA to personal lives of the creative to what it means to be past your prime to journalism and criticism to being an audience member.  Every single person who has ever been a part of a play or a musical or a dance recital or in some part of the film making process needs to see this film.  It is absolutely my film of the year, even more so because it represents for me a profound and dense statement about films this year, with its focus on how you interact with the world, what entertainment becomes popular, and what all work goes into a production.  Michael Keaton is my actor of the year.  Alejandro González Iñárritu is my director of the year.  Birdman is my cinematography of the year.  And it is absolutely the film of the year!

--------

Well, that was fantastic.  I love positive thoughts an opinions.  And … I know everyone loves  a train wreck of awfulness.  So let me talk about the worst films I was forced to watch this year, and my pick for the worst film of 2014.

Just like before, here’s a wonderful list of every film I gave at least an F- to : See No Evil 2, Saw: the Final Chapter, MacGruber, Popeye, Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat, The Starving Games, Leonard Part 6, Brazil

Here we go, Top 5 worst films I’ve seen this year.  God help me.

Worst Film Number 5: Saw: the Final Chapter

This movie makes me so sad.  It just … it craps on every single thing that the entire six films before it had done as a franchise.  Its film quality, its storytelling, its creativity, its acting … Ugh.   All of the Saw films before this one had some surprisingly good actors in them.  But in this film, Cary Elwes is officially a WORSE actor for having been in it, and he is the BEST PART of this abomination.  How is it not any farther up this list?  Because I can at some point see myself watching this again, because no matter what happens, it is a part of a franchise, and I will eventually watch it once more.  The next four I will never, EEEEEEEEEEVER watch a-gain!

Worst Film Number 4: Popeye

Rest in Peace Robin Williams.  With that out of the way, this film is horse-crap.  It doesn’t make any sense, is filled with terrible musical moments and no dancing of any worth, none of the fun of a Popeye cartoon is in it at all, and is just plain old ugly.  Even Williams’ Popeye is muttering hard to understand fool more akin to Donald Duck on Quaalude than Popeye.  I will give it this, it has real nice sets.  In fact, that’s the only reason it isn’t any higher on this list.

Worst Film Number 3: MacGruber

Good cinematography.  Completely wasted, always moving, always fake and “cinema” looking but perfectly fine in skill cinematography.  That is the only good thing I have to say about the worst SNL film ever made.  They took a sketch that always took place only in the countdown of a bomb going off and wrapped an entire film around the ad libs and curse words and sex jokes of one of the least funny actors in recent SNL history.  Don’t get me wrong, Will Forte is a funny writer, he wrote for That 70s Show and such.  But this film is utter trite nonsense and garbage.  The fact that there are two films worse than this that I saw this year clearly means that this year was filled with pain like you wouldn’t believe.

Worst Film Number 2: Leonard Part 6

Ugh.  If MacGruber is a parody film done wrong, then Leonard Part 6 is all the deleted scenes from that terrible parody sprayed down with skunk stench and let out to dry.  Almost literally actually, since there are ACTUAL BLOOPERS MONTAGED INTO THE FILM.  This film makes Ghost Dad look like an Oscar contender for Bill Cosby.  And that is not a good thing.  I cannot say a single good thing about this movie except that it isn’t as bad as …

Worst Film Number 1: Dr. Seuss’ the Cat in the Hat

That is this whole movie.  That right there.   Look at it.

Desperate attempts to make us laugh.  Mike Myers laughs so much in the movie in this vain attempt to make me believe he is telling jokes.  He isn’t, though.  He isn’t telling any jokes, or doing anything even remotely related to humor. 

This is without a doubt the worst film I’ve seen this year.  In fact, it is probably the worst film I’ve ever seen.  This film is the benchmark for terrible films.  If a movie is worse than this … I’m going to be very upset and very depressed, because I know I’m going to have to watch it in Torture-Jessel-a-Thon 2 next year.

Ahem.

And now, ladies and gentle-readers, I would like to present to you, the worst film of the year.  The movie that I saw in theaters and absolutely was terrible beyond every single other film …

The Worst Film of 2014: Dumb and Dumber To

I could just post all the gifs again, but really, just follow this link.  That is an entire review summed up in ten or so pictures.  This movie was awful.  And even worse, it wasn’t awful enough to have the courtesy and be worse than any of the other five movies on the worst list.  That almost makes me madder.  To be a movie that is so incredibly stupid that it is worse than Interstellar this year absolutely deserves you an award.  The “Go Away and Die” award.

//^\\

Thank you everybody, I hope you enjoyed this film wrap-up of the year 2014.  But I’m not done.  Tomorrow, I have a list of 48 categories for “best of the year” that I need to answer, including everything from “best episode of television” to “best seasoning.”  Yeah, it is gonna be a weird stupid list.  I’ll see you tomorrow!