Fantasy Booking ... ALTERNATE ENDING to Alien

Not too long ago, I did an AMA.  I super enjoyed that because it got a lot of folks asking me some really interesting questions about ... well, everything!  And I LOVE that.  I mean, the name of the website is I Have an Opinion.  Of COURSE I have opinions on just about anything.  Going through it again, I realized that I answered a question semi-incorrectly, or at least not as was intended.  I was asked about three alternate endings to major films.  Now, I answered over in the AMA (it's the last question, if you want a refresher) thinking it was meant to be which three I thought already existed were best.  But I got a clarification: create three NEW alternate endings to films.  So I guess it is time for me to get the old creative juices going in another rendition of ...

Fantasy Booking

Ok, so it isn't exactly Fantasy Booking ... but I like the image, and I'm gonna use it.  Plus, it gives me an excuse to use it as a tag.  Time to pick some films.  The first film I'll do is one I recently watched, hated, and is well beloved.  I did a quickie on my Tumblr (go ahead and follow me, it'll be really nice) and I think I have an interesting idea ...

Alien (1979)

Yeah, I found this movie dumb.  Really dumb.  Quick grade is D-.  The climax of the film comes as ...  Oh yeah, just in case:

The dumb film is 35 years old but just in case.

The xenomorph has killed all the rest of the crew.  The original ending then creates its tension by having Ripley running about now that she has gotten the cat and sets the ship by herself into self-destruct mode.  But as she rushes to the getaway ship, she almost runs headfirst into the xenomorph.  She leaves Jones the cat there, and with her escape cut off tries to run back and stop Mother, the ship's main computer interface, from blowing everything up, but reverses the process a few seconds too late, unable to stop the self-destruct.  She heads back, pissed and scared, finds the cat was untouched in its carrier-case, and makes it on the getaway ship and watches as the main ship explodes in a ridiculous technicolor explosion.

But oh no!  Ripley has gotten comfortably almost naked and the xenomorph got onto the ship and is curled up taking a nap.  Ripley gets frightened, puts on a space suit, opens the air lock, and the xenomorph goes flying out the ship, and then blown up with the engine port.  She then went to hibernation sleep, and the movie abruptly ends there.

Did I say I found it dumb?  I did.  The xenomorph was less terrifying in the film than the damned cat, which had two jump scares.  It might be the original cat jump scare!!!!  Ok, it isn't, the first cat scare was in the 1942 film Cat People, though ironically it is subverted by it being a bus making a cat noise that scares the heroine.  Anyway.  Let's change it up.

Time to hit the CRAY BUTTON!

Ok, so the xenomorph has killed everyone but Ripley.  She does the whole self-destruct scene as before, then goes running off and runs into the xenomorph cutting her off again.  She puts the cat down, but instead of sliding down the wall, and instead of the xenomorph being a huge puss and not doing a daggum thing for the rest of the film, she gets her guts up and presents herself, flamethrower in her hand, and she says some power statement as she let's loose with the fire ...

Nothing.  Flamethrower is outta gas.  Probably from being on all the time and having the most enormous flame through the whole movie.  Anyway, the xenomorph pounces, knocking Ripley down to the ground.  She drops the cat box and flamethrower, and the xenomorph gets its dumb second mouth out.  Ripley kicks and punches and wriggles, trying to get free.  Just as the xenomorph is going to do its double mouth kill strike, Ripley gets her hands on the flamethrower and jams it sideways into the thing's mouth.  The xenomorph, stymied, slashes at Ripley, giving her a cut on her thigh or stomach, but it allows Ripley to run.
Ripley tries to get back and stop the self-destruct, but just as before, she is just a few seconds too late.  This time because of the scuffle, not just ... being late because she slide diagonally down a wall.

She rushes back, picking up a random pipe she breaks so she can swing it at the xenomorph, but returns to the spot to only find the ripped-open cat container, but Jones is still inside, scared.  She reaches down to get the cat, but the xenomorph does its own Cat Scare, third one of the film, popping out of the floor beneath the cat, hidden in the grating.  Jones in her hands, falling back, scrambling, the xenomorph now crawling after her, Ripley does the last thing she can, kicking at its face.  Double mouth kill shot through the foot.  Look at the clock that is there for this version to actually create tension and a sense of time slipping away, she's got very little time left.  She gets to her feet, Jones running away out of her hands.  She picks up the pipe and SMACK right across the xenomorph's head as it leaps at her again, American baseball style.  Acid destroys the pipe, and Ripley turns and runs.

Now running, injured, trying to get to the getaway ship.  Yelling and crying, unwilling to be the only living crew member left, she finally spots Jones almost out of reach.  Looking at the clock for the self destruct, it is so close to happening.  The xenomorph, showing some acidy damage along its big ole head, comes running up on her.  Ripley finally grabs Jones, then stumbles into the getaway ship and gets the airlock shut just before the xenomorph reaches her!  You hear it slamming against the door over and over as she stumbles and cries, getting to the command seat and setting the thing to fly with JUST enough time to not get exploded, but the space shockwaves spin and knock around the ship, throwing her end over end.

But it all settles down.  She can finally breath.  She makes her final statement as before, and we zoom in on her pod, then the camera pans to Jones' pod ... where something unearthly is moving in its belly.

BOOM!  I feel REAL good about that one.  Also, that's just over a thousand words.  So it looks like I'm going to cut this short.  But I will 100% be doing more of these in the future!  So stay tuned!

Wait a minute, put a little love in it!

OH!  WAIT!  Before you leave, I am going to do another AMA on August 1st.  So I need questions.  So send me questions in my email, in the comments here or in my ask on Tumblr.  So mark it on your calender, I'll see you then.

IHAO on EVERYTHING, TOO on August 1st

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