IHAO on ... Dredd

Dredd is based on the comics 2000 AD, which center around the cop Judge Dredd who acts as judge, jury, and executioner in the future that is now our past.  The movie does a good job of not mentioning the 2000 AD part.  And I’ve been wanting to see this movie for months!  Finally got the chance.  The actual plot schtick is that a psychic rookie is being taken on a one day assignment with Dredd.  They go and check out a triple homicide, but instead end up caught in a huge drug and gang war, trapped inside an enormous apartment building. 

The movie is very good.  For a shoot ‘em up action flick, it is really really good.  Lots of great acting, lots of great special effects, every scene is made to look colorful and distinct, which is great because most of the time these kinds of things could become samey looking.  Karl Urban does a fantastic job without ever showing his eyes.  The plot has a nice little complication without actually being a twist, just a further upping of the ante.  It is all really good.

Then why don’t I like it more?

Movie gives you everything you want and you still don't like it, huh, idiot reviewer?

I don’t know.  I really can’t put my finger on why I don’t just absolutely love this flick.  The CGI blood throughout most of the movie, and the CGI drug effects are very good for being CGI, and I really don’t have any complaints.  I just don’t love it.  It was a perfectly fine film.  I’d wager that the movie itself doesn’t realize its full potential for tension and just kind of cruises along at a very good action film pace, but could have really been something special if it had cranked up tension.  

There was a lot of “competence porn” in this film, watching a Judge who is very good at his job be very good at his job.  But because the stakes stayed so high, to watch him be confident meant that the tension actually never got to high, such as on a double cross which he immediately figured out.  Or how when the rookie cop is captured, they immediately take away all the threat of anything really bad happening to her.  For good reason, mind you.  It isn’t like it is bad, it is very good.  It just doesn’t propel itself to greatness, and isn’t that special thing I would have loved it to be.  It is instead a great action flick I really like.  No more, no less.

Grade: A

IHAO on ... EVERYTHING

Hey everybody!  I wanted to do an AMA, an Ask Me Anything.  I have an ask thingy over to the right of the screen, I have the facebooks, and I have a tumblr, so I enjoyed getting so many questions!  I am the many of infinite opinions, and here are just a few.  Thanks to everyone that participated.

Shopping Local v. Shopping chain

Jeff Allen

I personally like to shop online.  I like the idea of shopping locally, of supporting the stores that are around that are made by regular folks, but I also enjoy competitive markets and saving money.  So I shop online.  Restaurants are a little different, as I can’t restaurant online.  For that, it is a grab-bag, as you never know if those local places are going to be any good.  But it is always nice to try.

IHAO on ... League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Eric Morris

LXG is a movie that is not good, but has a lot of good in it.  Flemyng’s Hyde is a personal favorite of mine.  The action is silly and fun, the writing atrocious, the characters all interesting, and overall, the movie is harmless and fun, with a lot of flaws but nothing too incredibly stupid.  Grade: C+

What is your least favorite magic card of all time?

Daniel Lees

I play magic quite frequently nowadays, just like I did back in me good ole college days.  The most I was ever involved with Magic was during Ravnica block and Llorwyn block.  I had standard decks in both formats, and just played the most during that time.  And I can tell you straight up what card is my least favorite to play against: Circu, Dimir Lobotomist.  Not only did he mill, my least favorite alternate win condition, but he also shutdown your deck card by card.

Nowadays … I LOVE Circu.  I wanna have a Circu deck RIGHT THIS SECOND.  And I’m going to make one soon.  So I guess that can’t be my least favorite of all time, because I like him now.  So I guess my least favorite magic card of all time is … the handful that got covered with super sugary black coffee when I let a college friend borrow my Kamigawa stuff and he absolutely ruined a whole box of them. 

Is college or life a better teacher?

Jeff Allen

I would say life, except the best teacher of living I ever had was life DURING college.  Not the college classes, but the experience.  So somewhere in the middle of those two, college life is the better teacher.

I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day?

Nicole Clockel

Yes.

What is your favorite movie with an actor you hate in it?

Daniel Lees

My favorite movie with an actor I hate in it.  Ok, so not my favorite movie starring an actor I hate, just the first of my favorites that has an actor I hate within that film.  Ok.  Using handy-dandy Flickchart, one of my favorite websites, I see that it would be Constantine, which has Shia LeBoeuf in it.

What is your favorite DnD character?

Gabriel Taylor

Dungeons and Dragons is a game I will always adore.  And over the past two decades I’ve played and run a LOT of games.  I’ll split this up into three answers, my favorite DnD character (that I played), my favorite DnD character (made by the creators of the game), and my favorite DnD character (that I ran).

My personal favorite DnD character will always be my first good one, Haplo the Charming.  A half-elf bard who was also a spell-maker who got so good at thinking outside the box that my DM cursed the character to never be able to take another level in Bard again.  So he became of a Chronomancer to try to find a way to go back in time and allow himself to continue on his merry way.  He is everything I ever wanted to be: tough, cool under pressure, ingenuitive, sexy, and a hero, even if a fight with a siren left him bathophobia.

My favorite DnD character that was created by the makers of the game ... lots of people love R.A. Salvatore's stuff and Drizzt, the Drow.  But I hate all that.  I do love the Dragonlance series, and those characters (Tanis Half-Elven probably inspiring the half-elf nature of Haplo the Charming).  But I prefer Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's Death Gate Cycle to Dragonlance.  BUT ... one of their characters did crossover into my favorite setting, Ravenloft ... Lord Soth.  No, he isn't my favorite.  My favorite is his lackey, Azrael, a dwarven were-badger.  He is the first dwarf I ever liked, because he is nothing like Tolkien dwarves: he had no beard, just muttonchops; he was afraid of being deep in the earth; he was greedy not for gems but for power; he was ruthless, and a villain, but one you could relate with.  I love him.

My favorite DnD character that I’ve run a campaign for … man, there have been a lot of great ones.  Piers, the water elementalist.  Elsa, the precognitive enchantress.  Felix Oneshoe, the gnome abjurer that changed all gnomes forever.  All the characters from our college homebrewed world Thoradain, including Rainium the frog-man Warlock!  Coglin, the goblin hunter cursed to become a goblin himself.  Lots and lots of great characters, and with more campaigns in my future still, probably a lot more.  So I’ll say my favorite has yet to arise, just to be on the safe side.

What do you think of dog shows?

Daniel Lees

Dog shows are ridiculous wastes of times ... for other people that don’t affect me in the slightest.

Review the Gravity trailer.

Nicole Clockel

I watched the trailer, and immediately am shocked by the amount of sound and crunching going on in outer space.  Stupid.  Also, I just do not care for Bullock as a leading lady.  And the CGI, terrible.  I hope this movie loses every nomination it is nominated for.

ME FROM THE PAST: It doesn’t.

Another question, what are your thoughts on the whole concept of "The Academy Awards"?

Lenton Lees

Yup, I did sort these to make them more interesting.  Heh.  In theory, the Academy Awards should be really really useful.  And to a certain extent, they are.  But in the long run, they are just a marketing tool that, while entertaining, is ultimately unnecessary, because it is not driven by pure objectivity.

A - Who is the most overrated (1) actor, (2) politician and (3) athlete today ... 

Jeff Allen

Most overrated actor: Leonardo DiCaprio.  He does perfectly fine, but is always Leo.  He never loses himself in his roles, and just isn’t that great.  He does a great job at being Leo in whatever movie he is in, but a superb actor he is not.  A superb Leonardo DiCaprio, he definitely is.

Most overrated politician: Obama.  Not because of anything he’s done, but mostly because of everything people think he CAN do and he totally cannot.  Checks and balances, people.  The president cannot get much done, and thinking he can then getting upset when he doesn’t is dumb.  Stop overrating his status.

Most overrated athlete: John Szczerbinski.  I do not know why everyone continues to back this guy, but he is never going to end up making it into the upper echelon of athletes.  He comes up short over and over again, making simple mistakes that cost him the match.  Give it a rest, Szczerbinski.

What are the three best reasons for Scrappy Doo?

Kevin McInturff

Scrappy Doo is a polarizing figure of cartoon history.  But here are three best reasons for his existence:

1.     He saved the ratings on his first introduction, which saved the show and made it have the longevity it currently does
2.   His existence helped spurn the understanding of the Cousin Oliver trope
3.    His run on the show not only got toned down after immediately criticism, which enhanced his roles, such as in Scooby Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (my favorite Scooby Doo anything), but he was also removed from the franchise after only being on air for 8 years, but made the show last an additional 34 years from its looming 1979 cancellation.

and B- who is the most underrated in each of the same categories? [note: actor, politician, and athlete]

Jeff Allen

Most underrated actor: Yesterday I talked about Keanu Reeves very much in this mindset, but I don't think he actually is the most underrated actor.  I easily put it on Jeremy Renner.  That man deserves every accolade, does so well in everything he does, always performs well beyond where he NEEDS to for his script and film.  He works so hard, and was robbed of his Academy Award for Best Actor for Hurt Locker (Grade: A++, btw).  Fans love him, but he is still underrated in the industry.  Hopefully not for too much longer.

Most underrated athlete: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.

Most underrated politician: I dunno ... Magic Johnson.

My Question, If the Main Event of Wrestlemania 30 went on as Batista vs. Randy Orton, how would you book it?

Lenton Lees

Batista v. Randy Orton.  Heel versus Heel.  On the night where the good guys get their win, a night to make new faces, we have a main event that is two heels.  No way around it, we have to add a good guy into the mix somehow.  Personally, my favorite version that I’ve seen is that Daniel Bryan ends up facing HHH in the first match of the show, with the stipulation that if he wins, he is added to the main event.  So you have a grueling match, with Bryan kicking out of the pedigree, and ultimately beating HHH.  Then in the triple threat at the end, you have them fight and fight and fight, but Batista pins Orton to become the new champ, with Daniel Bryan on the sidelines trying to get back in the ring but just not quite making it.  

Then you get Bryan chasing the title all the way to Summerslam, where he one year ago beat John Cena and got screwed out of the title, and this year he finally beats Batista and holds the title high, no chance of getting screwed.

That seems the most likely and best scenario for long plan storytelling. 

Best of SNL lineup.  6 players, at least 2 females and 2 males.

Kevin McInturff

Wow, ok.  This one is incredibly hard.  A lot of the people will have to play double duty, and with only 6 members to make up the whole cast, it is difficult.  Plus, I have to use only cast members from the show, since it is a Best of.  Let’s see.  I’m going to prioritize people who can do multiple styles of comedy, and those who were writers when they were also on-air. 

With a restriction on at least two of each gender, I know I need at least that many.  So for my first two males, I am going to go for one of the best comedians from two different eras, who each brought good things with them.  Let’s go with Bill Hader and Phil Hartman.  I would die to see these two working together, and together they cover quite a bit of range.  For my two women, I’m not going to go as far back, but it will still be two different eras.  Amy Poehler and Cecily Strong.  Poehler did everything on the show except be a writer, and while Cecily is new, she is proving to be a very strong female performer and has taken over the Weekend Update desk.

That leaves me with two cast members left.  I immediately consider Darrell Hammond and Jason Sudeikis, both for being an “every man” impressionist that can cover a LOT of bases.  I’ll think on them for a bit.  Looking through the other women, I don’t actually see any I truly care about being around, with Jane Curtin being the only other female I REALLY think could add something really cool to the group so far.  Sidelined.

Looking at the classics, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, and Dan Aykroyd pop up immediately.  I really should have at least SOMEONE from the original eras fellas.  I think because of his writing and longevity, I’m going to go with Murray. That leaves me with one slot left.  There are so many great characters to choose from the world of SNL … but you know what, what I really think helped change things and make things better, and would be amazing to see working with the cast so far chosen, would be Andy Samberg for the Digital Shorts.

My line up then looks like, in alphabetical order: Bill Hader, Phil Hartman, Bill Murray, Amy Poehler, Andy Samberg, and Cecily Strong.  I like it.  Hard to narrow down, because I really do miss an acerbic wit like Norm Macdonald, David Spade, or Chevy Chase for the Weekend Update desk, and a man of color would not hurt either, but I feel this is a strong and funny cast, especially with Hartman, Murray, and Samberg as the writer’s team.

What's your opinion on penises as sex organs?  From sex appeal, utility, form factor, etc.  How well do they do their job?  How do they compare to other genitalia?

Drew Turner

The penis I think is formed pretty much perfectly.  It looks great, works exactly as it is supposed to, becomes compact when not in use to make carrying it around easier.  The vast majority of them do their job admirably.  Now, comparing it to the other genitalia is a harder comparison.  I think, in the end, the penis does its job perfectly, but the boobs are the best genitalia.  Because they are great.  Just the absolute best.

.

Three best alternate endings to a major motion picture.

Kevin McInturff

All right.  The first one that immediately pops to mind is Scott Pilgrim Versus the World.  The theatrical ending is that Scott gets Ramona, and that ending is terrible.  Scott learns nothing, he succeeds, certainly, but it is ultimately a pointless pursuit that rings hollow.  The ALTERNATE ending, Scott learns something about himself, and ends up with Knives, in a nicely done and earned finish that has the Scott character becoming much more interesting.  I will never watch the original ending again, this ending is so great.

Second.  Little Shop of Horrors.  I love the musical, love most of the film, and the actual ending, with the good guys all losing and the plants taking over … that’s the way it is supposed to be!  And it is great!  The song is great, the special effects are great, and it is just wonderful … except we do see all our protagonists dead.  In the musical version, all the protagonists come back to sing in the finale, which at least allows the audience to see everyone once more, and to see a company bow.  In a film, if you are dead, you are dead.  Credits.  I get why the ending was altered, but I love the original ending, and the effects were awesome. 

And third, I could go with Clue, because it had a bunch of endings, or Butterfly Effect for choking Ashton Kutcher with his own umbilical cord.  But I’m going with Dodgeball.  Because the alternate ending is just the protagonists losing, the bad guys winning, credits.  It was hilarious, and makes all the Deus Ex Machina jokes they use in the other ending even better.

IHAO on ... 47 Ronin

Keanu Reeves gets a lot of crap I definitely do not believe is deserved.  He is an actor that is clearly successful, well wanted in Hollywood, and decently well liked.  But among my theatre and actor friends, associates, or just generally, the consensus seems to be that he couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag.  I couldn’t agree less.  I find Reeves to be a nuanced and internal actor, capable of playing a lot of different styles, though all with that same internalized emotion.  Don Jon from Much Ado About Nothing is incredibly different from Falco from The Replacements is incredibly different from Neo from the Matrix is incredibly different from Johnny Utah from Point Break is incredibly different from Bill from Bill and Ted is incredibly different from the character he plays in this film, Kai.

"Whoa!  That's a lot of proof that'll get ignored by someone who disagrees with that guy!"

Plot, quickly: A half-breed is brought into a feudal Japanese lordship as a servant.  He falls in love with the Lord’s daughter.  Later on, the Lord is dishonored through treachery and an evil neighboring Lord gets the girl in one year.  The disgraced samurai of the disgraced Lord come together to bring honor to themselves, their Lord, and their families.  Now take all that, add a dragon, an ogre, a Kirin, and some Tengu. 

The problem with the movie is that it is trying to do two different things at once, but it doesn’t truly succeed in either.  It wants to be this big fantasy film with dragons, witches, demons, and half-breeds.  But it also wants to be this historical recounting of the legend of the 47 Ronin, a very real thing that happened in feudal Japan.  The film fights between its Fantasy and Historical narratives, going so far as having two different protagonists, one for each genre.  In the end, this is truly a historical epic with some fantasy stuff peppered in.  And both versions of the film would have been stronger without the other.  This is no Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of films.  It reminds me of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves or Pirates of the Caribbean, which had the tug of war between its more fantastical bits and its more realistic bits.  But both those films are far superior to this one.

Watching the movie, there are other small issues.  A couple of terrible CGI establishing shots, a bunch of actors who all have the same basic mannerisms, some overused Jackson-ian style swooping “epic” landscape shots, a few tropes that are a little too old to be interesting, Act 1 pacing that is a little hard to sit through.  But really, they all don’t add up to much problem.  And most if not all could certainly be forgivable by some viewers.  I know my wife loved this film, love love loved it.  Me, I thought it was good, but I’m not sure I feel like watching it ever again.  I liked it fine watching it the first time, though.  There is just something missing, some extra step to take it to a level of really great.

Grade: B

IHAO on ... Septien - READER REQUEST

Requested by Jason Schmidt

After watching The Stuff, and asking for requests like I have been, I finally got one I could do something about because of the glory of Netflix.  I have all the others written down for the future, but I can very easily talk about movies that are on Netflix and I can immediately watch.  And that's how Septien became a part of my life.  A part of my life that will never go away.

Septien is a film "about" becoming a family and accepting other people's "flaws."  I use quotation marks because what the movie is REALLY about is Christ imagery, homosexual themes for one character, and wasting everyone's time.  But the film wouldn't come out and say that.  This movie isn't good, by the way.  If you couldn't tell.

If I can trail off for a second, film as a medium has one goal: to stimulate the audience.  Whether it be by entertainment, deep thought, interesting conceits, or just vivid imagery, the goal is to give the audience something.  A lot of independent films that I've been seeing I find tend to instead of focusing on stimulating the audience focus on getting the filmmaker's thoughts across.  It is a very selfish endeavor, to share your own thoughts and not care about the people who are taking those thoughts in.  It is the reason I try to be informative and entertaining, because if I just told you what I thought that would be me just blowing wind that no one would care about.

Out of context gifs help with the entertainment.

Septien had a whole bunch of things the filmmaker wanted us to SEE.  He wanted us to see these characters, to see his filmmaking skills, to see these crazy pictures, to see this sorta-kinda revenge story in the last twenty minutes.  But in the end, we as an audience aren't really stimulated.  Or at least, I was not.

The movie isn't a complete failure.  A lot of the shots are pretty well done, especially the storm (don't worry, it doesn't feature at all and is more than likely happenstance that just turned out well).  The character the writer/director portrayed, Cornelius, when by himself, was intriguing and I enjoyed watching him hustle athletes out of money because he was just so good at sports, all while wearing his unibomber outfit.  The problem is, it doesn't go anywhere.  There's a sequence where they all sing the subtitle-song, and it doesn't lead to anything or go anywhere.  A girl character shows up ... and that's about it.  The antagonist is the antagonist because he might be a pedophile, but we are never told or shown.

The movie is a whole lot of style and very very little substance.  It is a little worse than most indy art films I see because it failed in telling much of anything.  But it isn't a complete failure.  Close, but not a complete failure.

Grade: D--

IHAO on ... The Stuff

I love this movie.  Yeah, yeah, I came right out and said the thing that I normally wait for the next paragraph to set up, but I love this movie!  I love how terrible it is.  Because it is TERRIBLE!  Before we get there, let’s talk about what this movie is.

Ok, so some miners find some bubbly snow on the ground and eat it.  It tastes great.  Fast forward an unspecified number of years, and that bubbly snow stuff is now marketed all around the country and called The Stuff, and it is replacing ice cream and yogurt as a healthier, tastier snack.  It is also a Blob alien and turns people into Stuff-Zombies, or Stuffies.  A little kid won’t eat what his family is forcing him to.  An industrial spy, who talks 100% like Huckleberry Hound, is out to prove there is something wrong with the Stuff, and the woman who designed the marketing campaign are all looking for where the stuff originated from to stop it.

The concept is ridiculous and silly, and at a few points, the special effects are just amazing.  Actually, a lot of times the special effects are amazing.  Huckleberry Hound is hilarious.  The commercials for the Stuff within the film are perfect.  So why does this movie get an F?  Oh, spoilers, it gets a big ole fat F.

"Uh, call me 'Moe.'  You know why, uh, they call me Moe?  Because whenever anyone, uh, gives me anything, uh, I always want mo'e."

 - THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE!

This movie fails in every ounce of storytelling and editing and cinematography and framing and directing there is.  Not a single scene is edited well, or cut together well.  Things are confusing and poorly shown and jump cut out of nowhere.  There is a sequence where they are in an airplane, and the next shot is of the engine failing, and all of us watching were in hysterics that the plane was going down!  But no, it was just the plane hand ALREADY LANDED and the engine was cooling off.  Ridiculous!  

The music is always out of place.  The acting, even of Huckleberry Hound, is across the board bad.  The film just starts you in "holy crap we are in the middle of a horror movie" mode without every explaining why.  And while I did praise the special effects, any composite shot looks absolutely dreadful. 

This movie reached a mark with me that I’m very happy it did: Best Worst Movie status.  The Room, Birdemic, Troll 2, and now The Stuff.  Watch this movie right now!  You will have an absolutely GREAT time.

Grade: F++

IHAO on ... Always Sunny in Philedelphia Season 1

I might talk about movies more, but I really do love television.  I love absorbing television shows, just taking an hour or three and absorbing a full disc of a great show like Newsradio or Angel or finding new stuff or stuff that isn’t on DVD like the Finder.  I also love comedy.  I’ve said it before.  So after a lot of foot dragging, I started to watch in earnest Always Sunny in Philedelphia.  It is a show my closest friends love and find hilarious.

I don’t like it.

I don’t think it is bad or anything, it does 100% what it sets out to do.  And I don’t hate all the characters, I actually find Mac to be great in every episode, and Sweet Dee I’m a fan of too so far.  I don’t hate talking about it, I actually find the reliving and sharing with my friends to be infinitely entertaining, as we laugh together about “Charlie was molested” or talking about Mac’s unfortunate relationship problems in regard to Carmen.  No, what I found is that I just don’t like WATCHING the show.

I don’t laugh, I don’t like watching these characters, who are terrible people by design, watching them BE terrible.  That’s the point, and I get it, and it is very well done.  As you can see in the title, I finished the first season, and there are so many points where I was just unhappy watching this show.  Watching Mac and Carmen, and Dennis’ ruthless and ignorant talk.  Watching Charlie trying to chase the waitress.  It was all just painful and unfunny and hurt and I did not like it.

But talking about it?  Hilarious!  I laugh with my friends about it afterwards as we all enjoy the shared memory of what happened.  It is so crazy to me how much I loathe to put on the next episode, but am laughing so hard remembering Charlie’s weird way that attracts black women, or Mac trying to continue to get Dennis’ mom’s number.

I will continue to watch the show, season by season, and update my thoughts as I go along.  But as of now … my feelings are too complicated.  It hurts my head.  I’ll give this season a grade when I can get a little further in, but here are my impressions:

1

•  Mac is my favorite character.  Sweet Dee in a close second currently.
• I am surprised by how much Charlie is the “lead” of the show.  For whatever reason I always thought it was Dennis, but it is clearly Charlie’s show, from A-stories to writing to producing.
• Charlie is way better as a straight-man character than a Kramer-style wacky character.
• Speaking of, Always Sunny = Seinfeld in terms of characters, though what roles they play tend to swap around.
• The scripting is a little odd, but it is mostly good.

I look forward to season 2.  Danny DeVito!

IHAO on ... @Midnight ft. Chris Jericho

I love jokes.  Jokes on jokes on jokes.  Just setup then JOKE.  "Whose Line Is It Anyway" style stuff.  I do improv weekly, if not more, write comedic theatre stuff, and just enjoy a great comedy.  I also like games.  And @Midnight is just about the perfect blend of that concept of jokes on jokes on commentary on stupid memes on jokes.  Add in that last night Chris Jericho, one of my absolute favorite wrestlers EEEEEEEVVVVVVVVAAARRRRRRRR, and this was a match made in heaven.

@Midnight in general is just a plainly hilarious show.  They do a lot of setups and just allow people to earn points by being funny, and that is it.  It is beautiful in its simplicity.  I highly suggest watching it.  It is generally edited to be SFW, but some jobs may argue that, so proceed at your own risk.  Here's the link to the Jericho episode!

What made me want to talk about this episode in particular was watching Jericho just be a guy.  He didn't rely on wrestling gimmicks to be funny, he didn't have a real advantage in the WWE themed joke rounds, like Bad Wrestling Move Names.  He just made funny jokes.  The other two comedians were either trying hard, or maybe taking a dive, but it was great to see a wrestler be quick and funny just like professional comedians.  I'm hoping with the likes of Mick Foley being a stand-up comedian now and other internet-famous wrestlers like CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler being hilarious online we get more wrestlers showing up, because that would be amazing.

What a smile.  Give this man a title match.

Comedy review is difficult in that I can't just list off a bunch of the jokes I found hilarious.  And it is potentially a more subjective form of entertainment.  But if you have any interest in internet culture, jokes on jokes on jokes, or wrestling, give this episode a shot.  I loved it, and at 22 minutes, there are a thousands worse ways to spend your time.

No grade.  Just laughs.

IHAO on ... Legendary

Oh, WWE Studios.  You just try so hard, and I really do appreciate what you try.  While this isn't the first time I've talked about you, it is the first film I've written about since I restarted I Have an Opinion.  And man oh man, what a movie.

Legendary is a sports/drama/family film about amateur wrestling starring John Cena, Patricia Clarkson, Danny Glover, and some kid.  The general schtick is that Cena plays the kid's estranged brother, and he is trying to get Cena back in his life.  Also, he has a best friend girl who just got boobs (this detail is important to the story) and he is trying to join the wrestling team because his brother did and his dad - who is dead - did.  This causes stress with his mother, Clarkson, who doesn't want to see another of her boys lost to the sport.  Also, Danny Glover is a creepy old dude who fishes at the kid's pond and shows up at his wrestling meets.

This movie is a great definition of melodrama.  It is just people being upset and dramatic at each other all over the place.  Heightened emotions without heightened stakes.  Clarkson treats joining the wrestling team as the biggest mistake the kid could ever make.  Cena thinks that spending any time with the kid will RUIN HIS LIFE!  The kid thinks that joining the wrestling team will fix his entire family of every problem!  And of course, it did.  The movie is cheesy in a non-entertaining way, and is just basically a bunch of scenes of unearned emotion, which makes the truly good emotional scenes that are small feel out of place.

"I don't have to listen to you talk bad about my movie!  Waaahh." - No-Sell Cena

I didn't like the movie.  I also didn't think it was terrible.  It just isn't good.  Those are the worst films to me, things that sit right on the edge of the fence, the average forgettable fare that RedBox makes its real money on and Netflix fills its onDemand with.  But this movie has the unfortunate stigma of RASSLIN, which is unfair.  I love WWE Studios, and watch every film they put out if I can, because I want them to succeed.  I want wrestlers to get SAG cards, to get in an industry that takes care of them.  I want the WWE to make better films, and they are.  It is totally working!  Of course, Legendary was still bad to pave the way for better movies, but they are getting better.  If only this movie entertained me in how bad it was, or how good it was.  But really, I just ended up not liking it and seeing the flaws.

Grade: C-

IHAO on ... NXT ArRIVAL

The WWE Network is a big deal.  It is the first channel-based netflix-styled content publisher out there.  You can just turn it on, and it has scheduled programming.  Or you can skip ahead a few DAYS and go ahead and watch what they have scheduled for you.  Not only that, there is an entire library of content available on demand.  There is also live show, like every PPV of the year, and a few others it seems, like NXT ArRIVAL.

NXT is the "new" brand name for the developmental division of the WWE, bring up stars to the main roster.  But it has evolved slowly beyond that.  4 or 5 years ago, when it was FCW, I was very very into it.  It had consistently better characters and matches than Raw and Smackdown.  And watching this "PPV" now, I almost feel the exact same way!  I say almost because ... well, I'll get there in a minute.

Having the WWE Network is all kinds of fabulous.  I have a few qualms about some of the mechanics, but overall it is incredibly user friendly, and just offers so fricking much stuff.  If you loved wrestling, think you might like it, or used to love it but only like the old stuff, get this!  $10 a month for more content than you could WATCH in that month is ridiculous.  The one of the best things is being able to see NXT.

I love seeing these guys trying so hard, trying to make a name for themselves, trying to learn how to be a face or a heel, trying to learn what makes a match great, what spots work, how to do storytelling in the ring, how to adjust to a television style of wrestling.  And ArRIVAL showcases all the good and bad of that.  Mostly good, but there is some bad.  Lemme break things down a little bit to talk about the matches.

1) Sami Zayn v. Cesaro IV

This match is the FINAL showing between these two men.  They had a 2 out of 3 falls match not too long ago that could very fairly be considered a Match of the Year quality match.  It was phenomenal.  This match was a little different.  This match was all about the heel dominating the face.  Cesaro was in control the entire match, and while Zayn got the fans behind him and worked very hard, the story here was he was back from injury, and just was never able to get back to the level he was at before with Cesaro, despite all his babyface fire.  And that's ok, it was an interesting match.  Zayn has a lot of skill, and is a natural in-ring babyface.  This match wasn't MOTY quality, but it was certainly PPV quality, and as a show opener, it succeeded in showing how important this show was.  You can see at the end, after Cesaro hugs Zayn, Cesaro whisper something to him.  And I'd like to think it was Cesaro sharing with Zayn that he just made himself a star in front of 8 million WWE Network subscribers, the most people he's EVER competed in front of.  Good things for both guys in the future.

2) CJ Parker v. Mojo Rawley

CJ Parker's gimmick is a heel hippie.  Mojo Rawley's gimmick is a dude who doesn't just get hyped, he STAYS HYPED!  I love Mojo's gimmick.  I didn't enjoy his match.  CJ controlled the whole match until Mojo made his babyface return and then hit a very lame looking finisher for such a muscular dude ... he ran and then sat on him.  Sitting finishers work for dudes like Rikishi and Andre, just big ole dudes.  But Mojo ... he does a butt bounce and then sits on them.  It was lame.  The match was short, and the gimmick I loved won, but the whole thing was not good.  But Mojo is cool!  Hopefully he'll improve.

3) The Ascension v. Too Cool

Veteran comeback versus the newest tweener hardcore tag team there is, who have been and currently are the tag champs.  The Ascension is as hardcore as can be, and when Regal compared them to the Legion of Doom, it makes perfect sense.  They do not care who you are, look like warriors, and destroy people.  Too Cool stood no chance, but were great to see.  But once again, we had a match where our heel dominated the faces.  This is a disturbing trend of match booking or running.  But it gets better, no worries, and the Ascension look ready to come up to the main ranks and destroy some people.

4) Paige v. Emma

Women's Championship.  Normally people roll their eyes.  But this match was great.  Emma worked the match heel even though she is the bubbly face, and Paige made a star out of herself retaining her title as the face anti-Diva, pale and "gothic" ... well, gothic-esque.  They worked hard, hit hard, and did some great matchwork.  The finish was fantastic, the counter moves, as this is a third or fourth time they've wrestled, were all fantastic, and this has so far been the best match on the card.

I also want to point out that the commentary team is amazingly great.  Always insightful, always on point, always entertaining, always adding to the match and the credibility of the wrestlers, not taking it away.  Basically, the exact opposite of the commentary on Raw, Smackdown, and everything else WWE does that isn't NXT.

5) Xavier Woods v. Tyler Breeze

Woods is a nerdy dancing PhD having cool kinda dude.  Breeze is vain and takes selfies as he walks to the ring.  That's all you need to know, because they are immediately destroyed by Alexander Rusev, who debuted in the Royal Rumble (I talk about that PPV here).  Rusev was pissed he wasn't on the card, so he destroys these guys to make a point.  Perfectly fine sequence to get us ready for the main event, and we understand all three guys from what little we saw.  These kind of things, when done sparingly, very much work.  It worked here.

6) Ladder Match for the NXT Championship: Adrian Neville v. Bo Dallas

I don't like Bo.  Or at least I didn't.  I never really thought he was as good as the guys backstage seemed to think, considering how many times he's held the NXT title and how many chances he's gotten to switch gimmicks and alignment.  That said, his current Leonardo DiCaprio/Justin Bieber ignorant to the fans egotistical gimmick, man is that working.  He just smiles with his fake smile and it gets him heat.  I hate him for the right reasons.  Good show.

Adrian Neville is one of the best high-flyers I've ever seen.  "The Man that Gravity Forgot" indeed.  I like little "vanilla midgets" like Nash called guys like Neville so long ago: Jericho, Benoit, Malenko, Lance Storm, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Neville.  These guys know how to do a great match, compensate for their small size by being WAY better at EVERYTHING ELSE, and did I say know how to put on great matches.  And this match was absolutely great.  Watch this match, and you'll see the new star that is Adrian Neville and you'll love every gravity defying stunt he does.  He just flips around in the air and on the ground like it is no big deal.  THIS MATCH IS GREAT, WATCH IT!

I plan on watching NXT for reals now.  And that is exactly what WWE and HHH wanted for the outcome of NXT ArRIVAL.  WWE finally has competition, and it is with its developmental system.  Ok, it isn't real competition, but in the end, I'll always watch and cheer these guys on.  Root for them when the make it, like the SHIELD and Bray Wyatt.  Feel justified when a sucky one can't cut it, like Mason Ryan.  And overall, enhance my own enjoyment of the product, even when I'm super upset with how the product looks like it is shaping up for Mania.  The first "PPV" on the WWE Network was for their developmental.  Great choice.

IHAO on ... Non-Stop

PG-13 action films are never truly just action films.  There is always another level on top of them.  Science fiction, or comedy, or kung fu, or thriller.  Or perhaps that is with all action films at all ratings, but with the PG-13 ones I feel like it is a much larger disparity between the two conceits of a film.  I say this because some may view this Liam Neeson vehicle as an action movie, and if they did, then they probably thought this movie was ok.  But I see this film as a thriller, first and foremost, and at that, I loved it.

Neeson played a difficult character, as a drunk, non-people person who has to help all of these people and is closed up in this plane.  He is intriguing.  A few other characters are interesting, difficult characters.  But beyond that, the actors are all just passable, with Julianne Moore being stereotypical and I would say below average.

The film has a lot of tension and thrills and mystery, and all of that is done superbly.  There are a lot of amazing bits of camera work.  The kind of camera work that is so perfectly done that most don't notice it.  I did, though.  So many sweeping crane shots over the chairs and down the aisles of this plane, making this very small, cramped space of the fuselage.

Oh no, the fuselage!  At least all the pretty people (and one token fat character) will land on Purgatory Island safely.  Ugh, Lost got so dumb.

The movie isn't perfect.  There is WAY too much shaky cam work, though I do believe it comes from a logical place, being on a plane with turbulance.  Julianne Moore, as said before, is not good.  There is a CGI concessions cart in particular that just made me roll my eyes.  Also, at the (very very good) climax of the film, they reach an emotional climax and an action climax and it is tense and really great ... then they up the ante ONE more time, but that time comes across as hackneyed and unnecessary.

But overall, this was a great film to watch, and its problems, while apparent, are forgivable.  More complicated PG-13 action films need to get attention.  So I ask anyone who is reading this, if you were interested in the movie, please go see it.  I cannot believe you would be disappointed.

Grade: B+