PIZZA IS WONDERFUL! Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. And that is the end. Cheese, dough, tomatos, and all sorts of amazing toppings, in a bunch of incredible combinations, in a bunch of styles, from super thick to super thin to pretzel crusts to sausage and cheese stuff to regular, all of it is glorious. I mean, some of the toppings I don't like, but even the worst toppings on a pizza are just a small price to pay for the gloriousness that is pizza. Just throw those mushrooms or black olives or whatever harmful veggie or meat you dislike away, because there is so much to love!
My love of pizza has been longstanding. Most kids my age loved pizza because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but I do believe I liked the TMNT because I loved pizza. Pizza was as close to a religion in my household growing up as a circular food-based entity could be. Every Tuesday we would jump into my Dad's Dodge Ram and drive to the now defunct and empty Mazzios' pizza, which was the best pizza I ever had, for their buffet dinner. I learned about great music like Boston, Journey, and Queen there on their jukebox, and was filled with dreams of Samurai Showdown and every changing but always the same pinball games, as well as Puzzle Bobble, which was my favorite game and the only one my parents would let me waste my money one. Probably why I got so good at puzzle games, to not waste quarters between slices of wonderful pizza. My father would irritate the waitresses, which he always knew by name, by singing "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie." He did that for years. Still does in fact, 20+ years later. Eventually, Mazzios' closed down, because the world is unfair and everything is awful.
I grew up, I became older, but I continued my deep-down-in-my-stomach romance with pizza pie. I'd eat it at lunch in middle school and high school as much as possible. My father moved on to getting Little Caeser's for us about once a week (not quite that often, unfortunately) and we'd watch a movie or wrestling or maybe one of Mom's hour-long dramas on CBS. Church had pizza dinner for kids all through those years every Wednesday, and with a Dominos right across the street from the church, our youth group had it just as often. There were a lot of pounds gained during this period of life, and there would be many more.
I went to college, and the pizza just ... wasn't the same. It wasn't as good, my love wasn't as high, everyone ate Papa John's which I always disliked, and I just couldn't find a pizza I loved. Until Pizza Inn, which is apparently what Mazzios' was a named franchise of! I found it, I loved it, I went weekly once again, maybe more. But life happened, things changed, and I was forced to move back to my hometown. Now, I have a roommate that makes pizza and every now and again, nowhere near the weekly I'd love, we feast on Pizza Hut pizza. The online prices are incredible, and I never order from his pizza, because that's rude. And sometimes, a pizza gets messed up, so free-zza!
My life and pizza are intertwined. I carry 210ish pounds of proof, maybe more, I don't know how much bones weigh. So why talk about it all now? Well, that roommate is a lover of randomness. He decides everything either through randomness or through routine. He is an odd duck, but he did come up with a brilliant idea for New Year's Eve: random pizzas.
He put all the crust types in a randomizer, all the toppings in a randomizer, and all the finishers that Pizza Hut just added into a randomizer, then gets a crust, three toppings, and two finishers. And we had two Random Pizzas. And they were fabulous! The first was a meatball, ham, and spinach pizza with a honey barbeque sauce, regular crust, with pretzel finishing and asiago cheese. Glorious. The second sounds like a real pizza that could be one menu: green peppers, jalapenos, bacon, all on a medium buffalo sauce, thin sliced (a new amazing thing I never heard of between thin and regular), covered in honey sriarcha sauce and Ginger Boom Boom dusting the crust. That was my favorite, so spicy and glorious. I was in heaven. And it'll be a thing we do more often!
Not only that, you should try it! Have a party about it! Tell me in the comments if you do it, I would love to hear it! Facebook it, tumble it, link me along with it so I can see! Let's all have fun with a random pizza! How? By coming to my roommate's Pizza Hut at Thomas Crossroads in Coweta County, GA. Or make the random lists yourself using random.org, it's easy! I want #randompizza to be a thing! Fill up your instagrams, as well as your bellies!
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