We are on the cusp of the WWE Network. And I am very excited to have it, because it
will allow more wrestling viewing, and reviewing. The big PPV to sell the WWE Network, the last
big stop on the Road to Wrestlemania, is the Elimination Chamber. Just like with the Rumble I’ll go match by
match and grade them. Here we go.
Firstly, it is absolutely ridiculous that this poster is all
about Stephanie. Yeah, that’ll sell this
PPV. *rolls eyes*
Big E. (c) defeats
Jack Swagger for the Intercontinental Championship
Zeb Colter, the manager of the Real Americans (of which
Swagger is a member) starts with his normal stuff, you know, Polar Vortex =
Immigration Problems. “We want Ziggler”
chants start but are not strong, which is very good. You see, with the crowd reaction from the
Rumble, crapping on a match that I honestly didn’t find good to begin with, and
reacting like they did in the Rumble match itself, it has emboldened fans to
not only chant what they actually want, but to be real trolls about other
things. The fact that this match just
started, that we haven’t seen a thing from these two dudes, and some guys are
trying to “smark” chant is a little worrisome, but they are shut down, and Big
E does some amazing athletic stuff right off the back to keep the fans into
this match, right now.
“We the People” chant … and it continues to show this trend
of “Smark” chants – Smark means Smart+Mark, or the wrestler terminology for a
fan who knows a lot of the behind the stage information and that informs their
fan attitude – except I love seeing this: the smarks are chanting, sure, and
that is a little irritating, but it has no effect on the actual real chants. Big E still getting pops, Swagger still
getting heat (though not very much, because he’s Swagger and isn’t a very good
wrestler or believable bad guy), and the smarks are chanting what they want,
but still watching. This is good
news. Hopefully.
Great diving spear spot through the ropes by Big E. There were some good spots, some weird ones,
and a botch or two, but the fans were overall into the match, and the two guys
did a good job opening the show.
Verdict: Good
Bad News Barrett segment 1 – Pointless heat. :/
New Age Outlaws (c)
retain against the Usos for the Tag Team Championships
This is a fairly standard match. Perfectly fine. Most interesting thing was Road Dogg
(accidentally?) calling one of the Usos “punk” which got a CM Punk chant (he is
on sabbatical because of unhappiness with how the company is currently
going). This match is here to build the
rivalry up for a Mania match, where I suspect the good guys will win. Wiley heel veterans able to eek out another
retain. It is very sweet to see the Usos
smiling even though they are supposed to be upset over the loss because they
get to be two guys they respect in the ring.
Nice, even if they need to be babyface upset to get that fire for
another match.
Verdict: Fine
Bad News Barrett segment 2 – More pointless heat, though
this time being honest about what’s gonna happen to Daniel Bryan tonight. This one was better than the last. This gimmick is stupid. Poor Barrett.
:/
Titus O’Neil defeated
Darren Young in a grudge match
Ahh, the tag team that had potential is split apart so both
men can flounder. At least they both get
a PPV match. Right now. I like Young, he does some nice spots and is
a natural babyface, though the crowd is not behind him. The crowd really only popped for the Clash of
the Titus finisher. Terrible commentary
as they talk about everyone that isn’t in this match, from Ron Simmons to JBL
not picking up the tab at restaurants.
Well, they talk about Titus.
Because that’s what this is, a match to make Titus be a bigger heel for
singles. Too bad he is outclassed by the
other heels in the next match, and will not do much. This match had no fire, no real “grudge” to
it, and was just a glorified squash.
Sad.
Verdict: Bad
Bad News Barrett segment 3 – Cheap heat, though it is
hilarious as he has to cover up for the reason his podium isn’t working like it
is supposed to and does well doing so.
He’s a good talker, with a terrible gimmick and an awful script to work
from. Let him do his own stuff, guys. Sigh.
:/
Wyatt Family defeat
the Shield
This match has six heels in it. Except there is one face, he just doesn’t
know it yet. Roman Reigns. He is a new big star and gonna be huge. And I’ve loved him since I learned about him
years and years ago. Wyatt is also a new
star with his great match against Bryan last month. This is the future of the company. This is six men who three or four of them
will be a BIG deal. We are tired of Cena
and Orton and part-timers. We want
new. We want Wyatt, and Reigns, and
Ambrose, and Daniel Bryan! And that is
where the world is going … maybe.
Hopefully.
JBL: “I don’t know if everyone here knows WHO to cheer for,
they are just cheering for a fight!”
Very observant, though it is clear that the Shield are the faces here in
this contest, even if they aren’t going to act like faces (which is good).
There are some slow points in this match, but it just
builds, and builds, and BUILDS. There
comes a point that would have been the
TV ending, but Reigns kicks out of the roll-up, and we are firmly in HOLY CRAP
territory from that point forward.
Bodies everywhere, everyone killing everyone, it is chaos, and
glorious. There is a lot of story going
on, too, as Dean just disappears during that ending sequence. Reigns does what he does best, be a sole
survivor and eliminator, but this isn’t a match with eliminations, and he can’t
put the Wyatt’s away as they keep stepping in front of his moves before they
can hurt Wyatt himself. Great
match. Not the best match by any means,
but a lot of carnage and a lot of fun, with Seth Rollins REALLY being the stand
out, with a lot of great spots and evasive maneuvers, as well as big bumps.
Verdict: Great
Cameron beat AJ (c)
by DQ for the Diva’s Championship; AJ retains (thank god)
There is absolutely no way this wasn’t going to be
terrible. AJ is a very good Diva, and
that was never going to counteract the awful that is Cameron.
Verdict: The Worst
More Bad News Barrett segment 4 – this is a commercial for
WWE Network. \:
Another commercial, this one for rip-off legos for WWE,
featuring all the comedy characters: Santino, Emma, Khali, Los Matadores, and
El Torito. Awful. Both of the last segments were better than
the Divas match.
Batista beat Del Rio
because of course he did
I feel really bad for Batista. I love Batista. He’s here to really come back and wrestle, to
promote his movie, to give fans what they want.
But he’s also become the poster child for all the terrible part-time
shenanigans and refusal to listen to fans, and has been turned into an effigy
with we fans give our heat and burn. Not
only that, but there is absolutely no way that he can stay face doing
this. He’s trying, he really is, but his
own anger makes him vocal and act like a heel.
And it is justified anger too, because it is unfortunate that the fans
boo him. It isn’t his fault, but he is
the closest thing to a target the fans can boo for.
On top of that, this match wasn’t good. They even had Del Rio try to do some cheap
heat, and it just did not work. Which
just brings on the boos. Even JBL has a
little fun and says Boo-tista once as the fans chant it, and for Daniel Bryan,
and just all sorts of things. Most
chants are for other part-timers, though, which I don’t think people are
thinking about or caring. Or even worse,
the original intent has just become heat on Batista, which is crazy
unfortunate. Batista heads to Mania,
needing to be a conquering babyface, and actually a heat-magnet. If they don’t throw a babyface into that
match with him and Orton (because of course Orton is going to win) then the
fans will revolt.
It also looks like Batista got injured in the match, as
well. Hopefully it is not a big deal.
Verdict: Bad
Randy Orton (c)
because OF COURSE HE DOES in the Elimination Chamber v. John Cena, Cesaro,
Sheamus, Christian, and Daniel Bryan
Randy Orton was always going to win. There was never any doubt. And Daniel Bryan was always going to
lose. Because of course he was going
to. This Elimination Chamber has the
most interferences in a match that is SUPPOSED to be basically interference
free considering it is in a huge f-you cage that I’ve ever seen. It was ridiculous.
That said, this match is pretty great. Because OF COURSE IT WAS GONNA BE! You have 4 legitimately great workers, a heel
Orton who is finally getting his heel-groove back, and Cena. This was gonna be a good match. A great match, really. Brutal, awesome spots, great elimination
spots, fantastic storytelling with Bryan’s injury and Christian’s rage at being
the only one to not beat Orton, the series of interchanging double teams,
reminders of former feuds, the amazing “pussy” chant as Orton hides in a
chamber, immediately followed by an amazing Brogue Kick! This is just great. The crowd gets a little overstimulated at
some points, but are never bored, and genuinely seems interested the whole
time. The interferences and shenanigans,
all Russo-WCW styled, are what deflates this match. But the actual 40 minutes of wrestling are
phenomenal. 26 minutes before the first
elimination.
The way the PPV ends is so on the nose, with the fans being
upset with Daniel Bryan’s loss, it either has to actually lead somewhere (Bryan
emotionally triumphant as the new champ at Wrestlemania by being added to the
Orton v. Batista match) or it is going to retroactively make this match way way
worse, which is unfortunate, but that is the burden of storytelling. Also, it should be noted, that Bryan kicks
out of 2 finishers, including an amazing RKO kickout right at the climax of the
match. He is put over huge with the
injury, the interference, and the kick outs.
The PPV ends with Bryan looking on, angry and shaking his head over
Randy’s celebration and cheap win, for god’s sake. So we’ll see.
Lemme talk about this Bryan thing a little more, because why
not, you are this far in to the review: think if the storytelling currently
being used for Bryan and his matches and not listening to the fans was what
they did 15 years ago with Stone Cold.
Constant losses, constantly screwed, constantly never having the
upperhand, constantly refusing to give the fans the man they cheer for. Very very different world we are in, 15 years
in the future from the Attitude Era.
This truly is the Disillusionment Era.
And ALL that said, I really feel positively about the whole Bryan
storyline and it really does remind me of the Austin storylines … but WWE has
been known to kill my positivity before.
Let’s remain hopeful, because there are still a few Raws before Mania,
and anything can happen.
Verdict: Great, but
potentially soured
How is Mania going to end up? Why does Orton still carry around both
belts? Will 2014 continue to be the Year
of the Wyatts? Does HHH have a plan
beyond screwing the fans out of their money?
We’ll see.
No comments:
Post a Comment