Welcome back everyone to I Have an Onion! Today, we are going to talk about Crisp Velvet onions.
The crisp velvet onion is a special variety only grown in the orchards of Westchester County, Arkansas. It is known for its very unique texture, which is probably best described as soggy carpet pieces. The smell is stronger than most, which means the tears are much more forthcoming. Sometimes, you just really want a good cry, and I cannot suggest the crisp velvet more for that purpose.
When going to the supermarket to find them, first know you are not going to be able to buy them at Wal Mart or Target, or something like that, which is a knock against them. But if you are willing to go to the shadier of farmer's markets, you can very easily get some by greasing a few palms. Make sure you aren't swindled, though. The onions you are going to want are going to be slightly purple in color, not the yellow ones. The ones that are yellow have yet to ripen, and are actively poisonous to the touch if you haven't handled onions your whole life.
When you get home, you now have a lot of options. I find that C.V. onions work best as a topping to most things: pizza, soup, cereal, oatmeal, a nice looking blouse, cheese. Just experiment a little in the kitchen. Have fun with it, and be prepared to have the best therapy you can have from a piece of tuborous food.
For me, these tiny bits represented what was left of my confidence after my significant other left and took the kids and dog with them.
In summation, the crisp velvet onion is a beautiful product that deserves a chance to be in your household. If the smell is too strong, I can understand why you would avoid it, but I'd recommend it.
Grade: 2 Shreks
Have a great April Fools. :)