Ah, the 90s and/or 80s.
A time to combine cute precocious kids and animals, or old crotchety
actors with animals, or really anyone and animals. There were a lot of reasons and genres, but
man did these person/animal mash-up films happen a whole bunch. Lots of monkeys at the time, though there was
also Pandas, Elephants, Wolves, Pigs, Dogs, Geese, Killer Whales, a Bear, Horses,
a reindeer, a Dragon, a unicorn, a robot, a spaceship, a CAR, an alien a whole bunch of different
ways including a Purple People Eater, hell even a Baby in some films.
If only Three Men and a Baby was about the Baby from THIS movie!
Also, it was a time of DINOSAURS ARE AWESOME! That capped off with Jurassic Park, because that
film finally gave us what we needed: believable dinosaurs on film. But ten years before that, another film tried
to do it. And it did it with all the plot
regularity of the stuff I mentioned before.
And it just so happens to be the movie I’m reviewing this time!
So the plot here is that these scientists of … some kind go
to Africa, are dating, and they find a dinosaur when their boss murders another
scientist for his dinosaur information. Then
the evil scientist murders one of the dinosaurs, tranqs the female, and the two
young dating scientists save the baby, and are trying to stop the murderer and
save the mom.
This thing is boring.
Not only because of its standardness, but in the way it treats
everything. Oh, and there are a huge
huge huge number of just out in the open boobs in this PG movie. Even some penis. It is really weird. And this was made after PG-13 existed, so I
don’t know what is going on. I guess
they argued “it’s national geographic nudity, not porn nudity” but either way,
there is just a LOT of it.
Like I said at the top, this came ten years before Jurassic
Park, and you know what, the dinosaurs they made are really good. And some of the scenes with them are super
super good. The death of the father
dinosaur is almost super amazing, and even then, it is really really good. And as long as you don’t look directly at the
baby’s face, it looks super good as well.
The acting is … the best actors are fine, are acting like themselves,
and are naked or mostly naked. The
actual actor actors, including the Greatest American Hero and
Girl-from-Blade-Runner, are … boring.
Being boring is the worst thing a movie can do. And that is probably why this thing I found
on blu-ray for $4 at Kroger. Even though
it very much should be because of it’s very nature of being about dinosaurs and
stuff, it is just kind of forgettable.
And that’s really too bad. It is
in no way incompetent or bad enough to be even close to nanar, which was my
hope. It just ends up being a big boring
standard ole kids-and-their-dinosaur movie.
Kids and baby chase down the bad guys to get the mom. Then kids and mom chase down the bad guys to
get the baby.
Grade: C … yeah, no minus, just a C
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