IHAO on ... Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend

Ah, the 90s and/or 80s.  A time to combine cute precocious kids and animals, or old crotchety actors with animals, or really anyone and animals.  There were a lot of reasons and genres, but man did these person/animal mash-up films happen a whole bunch.  Lots of monkeys at the time, though there was also Pandas, Elephants, Wolves, Pigs, Dogs, Geese, Killer Whales, a Bear, Horses, a reindeer, a Dragon, a unicorn, a robot, a spaceship,  a CAR, an alien a whole bunch of different ways including a Purple People Eater, hell even a Baby in some films.

If only Three Men and a Baby was about the Baby from THIS movie!

Also, it was a time of DINOSAURS ARE AWESOME!  That capped off with Jurassic Park, because that film finally gave us what we needed: believable dinosaurs on film.  But ten years before that, another film tried to do it.  And it did it with all the plot regularity of the stuff I mentioned before.  And it just so happens to be the movie I’m reviewing this time!

So the plot here is that these scientists of … some kind go to Africa, are dating, and they find a dinosaur when their boss murders another scientist for his dinosaur information.  Then the evil scientist murders one of the dinosaurs, tranqs the female, and the two young dating scientists save the baby, and are trying to stop the murderer and save the mom.

This thing is boring.  Not only because of its standardness, but in the way it treats everything.  Oh, and there are a huge huge huge number of just out in the open boobs in this PG movie.  Even some penis.  It is really weird.  And this was made after PG-13 existed, so I don’t know what is going on.  I guess they argued “it’s national geographic nudity, not porn nudity” but either way, there is just a LOT of it.

Like I said at the top, this came ten years before Jurassic Park, and you know what, the dinosaurs they made are really good.  And some of the scenes with them are super super good.  The death of the father dinosaur is almost super amazing, and even then, it is really really good.  And as long as you don’t look directly at the baby’s face, it looks super good as well.  The acting is … the best actors are fine, are acting like themselves, and are naked or mostly naked.  The actual actor actors, including the Greatest American Hero and Girl-from-Blade-Runner, are … boring.

Being boring is the worst thing a movie can do.  And that is probably why this thing I found on blu-ray for $4 at Kroger.  Even though it very much should be because of it’s very nature of being about dinosaurs and stuff, it is just kind of forgettable.  And that’s really too bad.  It is in no way incompetent or bad enough to be even close to nanar, which was my hope.  It just ends up being a big boring standard ole kids-and-their-dinosaur movie.  Kids and baby chase down the bad guys to get the mom.  Then kids and mom chase down the bad guys to get the baby.

Grade: C … yeah, no minus, just a C

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