Welcome everyone to my second Ask Me Anything!  Why am I doing this?  Because it is entertaining?  Because it is informative?  Because I can do this super early in my schedule so that I can make sure I can see Guardians of the Galaxy and not have to worry about not putting up an article on Friday?  The world may never know, but it is totally that last one.  How does this work?  I spent one month asking people for questions on literally any subject they wanted.  Any joke.  Any idea.  Anything.  Hence the "anything" in Ask Me Anything.  So I've compiled all the questions, randomized them, and now I'm gonna answer them.  Here we go!!

"If an unstoppable force meets an immovable object does the chicken make it across the road unharmed?"
 - Joel Gould

Oh good!  Well, I guess I should establish right now: I will do my darnedest to answer everything as honestly as I can, even if they are absolutely awful and pointless.  So, let's see ... we got a chicken crossing a road, and somewhere in the world, an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.  If I know my physics correctly, nothing would actually happen if that force and that object collided, so I suppose it completely depends on if there is a lot of traffic on the road.  Since the chicken is more than likely in a rural area, there is probably very little traffic.  So yes, the chicken would be perfectly fine. 

"What is the best book I've read?"
 - Drew Turner

Easily Drood, by Dan Simmons.  It is so eloquently written, so enthralling, and such a great story detailing the last five years of Charles Dickens' life.  Easily the best book I've read.

And I now realize that the wording of this is what is the best book that Drew has read.  I'm going to have to take a wild guess of the required high school reading list and go with ... Fahrenheit 451.

"Favorite shoe?"
- Drew Turner

Honestly, I don't think I've found a favorite shoe yet.  If I had to choose from the shoes I've ever owned ... ok, so this story is a little weird but completely true.  At a music camp I went to every year during middle school and high school, one year I wound up with someone else's adidas.  They were gross and nasty and very much not mine.  But somehow they ended up with me.  I threw them into the washing machine and washed them, dried them, and then I had them.  They were comfortable and pretty awesome.  I even got bored in Algebra II one day and highlighted all the white-ish parts with orange and lime green.  They were pretty ballin', absolutely terribly gross shoes. 

"Why CAN'T Mick Jagger get no satisfaction?"
- Kevin McInturff

You see, the funny thing about this song is that everyone misinterprets it.  Using correct grammar, Jagger is saying that he does indeed get satisfaction.  His protests are merely a humble brag.  And he has satisfaction because he is very rich and very famous.

"Who shot first?"
- Drew Turner

The earliest gun seems to be a Chinese weapon called the fire lance, which was a hollow metal spear, filled with gunpowder and shrapnel, and then lit on fire.  So I suppose I should try to figure out the most used 9th century Chinese name: Zhang Li seems most likely.

"Where is the crow road?"
 - Michael Collins

I have absolutely no idea what that means.  Ahh, it seems that it is a scottish novel and television series.  So I'm going to guess it is on your bookshelf, my Scottish reader and chum.  :)

"If you were an exotic dancer, what would your stage name or entrance music be? (Or both, if you have both)
- Nicole Clockel

I think I would like to be called Tons of Fun, and I would use the "Somebody Call My Momma" entrance music that the Funkasaurus used in the WWE!

"You have two sites about the American Medical Association...?"
- Tony Daniel

I do not have any sites about the American Medical Association.  I do run this site here, which is filled with my opinions on all forms of entertainment!

"What is the most annoying song ever produced?"
- Kevin McInturff

Easily everything created by LMFAO.  Worst thing to happen to music.  Ugh.

"Who wins in a headbut?"
-Drew Turner 

Whoever is on offense, unless the person on defense is made of metal.

"Wars or Trek?"
- Kevin McInturff

Unfortunately, I don't really love either.  They are both fine franchises.  I'm going to go with Star Wars merely because I like more of the characters and prefer the genre.  

"If a tree falls down in a forest and hits a mime, does anyone care?
- Joel Gould
"If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?"
- Kevin McInturff

Two of these, huh?  Ok, well let's do this.  If the tree hit a mime, I'm sure if that mime had friends or family, they would care.  Unless he was just a terrible person, but even then, more than likely at least one person cared.  And many people in the world know what time it is.  There are even some who have a job to know what time it is completely, like with an atomic clock.  So yeah, some people know.  And I suspect that they care about what time it is, but more than likely not about the tree.

"Don't the lyrics to Haddaway's one hit wonder 'What Is Love' suggest a man who needed to get away from a harmful relationship, yet it was promoted as romantic?"
 - Michael Collins

That is a very astute interpretation of the lyrics, and definitely what I believe is the intended meaning.  Though, I do have to argue that it is not promoted as romantic, but as a dance beat, as a frenetic and energetic release of emotion, which is exactly what the lyrics are implying.  ALSO, Haddaway did have a second hit, "Life," though it was not as big of a hit in America.  ALSO ALSO I would implore you to listen to an under-appreciated Haddaway song "Please Don't Go" which actually touches on similar subject matter as "What Is Love."  I'm a Haddaway fan.  :D

"In the Star Wars universe, how is it possible that multiple planets exist that have only 1 climate throughout the entire planet?"
- Drew Turner

Star Wars is a pulp fantasy universe.  Much like places in Lord of the Rings are all easily describable as "the place with the spiders" or "the enormous city" or "the hobbit town" or "the bad guy place," Star Wars also simplifies everything, but can more easily make them feel separated by having them be whole planets.  While not to terribly believable on a logic scale, it is a storytelling logic that works perfectly fine.

"What was the worst race ever introduced to a D&D edition?"
- Kevin McInturff

There have been a lot of editions of Dungeons and Dragons.  And a whole bunch of splatbooks that add even more.  So to narrow this down really is going to come to personal taste.  And that falls for me on 4th Edition Dragonborn.  What are the Dragonborn?  Big ridiculous cartoon dragon-people that were introduced to reflect the "cool" and "edgy" nature to 4th edition DnD to make it feel more like a MMO-RPG.  Not only that, they were the bitter pill we needed to swallow as players to have a race that never existed before, but needed to be treated like they totally always existed you guys in our established settings.  Awful.

"Boxers or briefs."
- Kevin McInturff

I personally wear boxer-briefs.  I have worn boxers in the past, and briefs as well.  I do feel I need to do a lot more chances to try them, and I will come back to this in the future once I have bought new underwear and tried it.

"Who would win in a fight?"
- Joel Gould

It really depends on who fights.  Odds are pretty good that it'll be John Cena, though.

"What is the darndest thing a kid has ever said?"
- Drew Turner

More than likely a curse word.  I'm going to guess the c-word.

"Prince or Michael?"
- Kevin McInturff

I prefer Michael Jackson.

"I want to know if there are any stand alone shorts you recommend.  You've talked about youtube series you like but I wonder if there are any short films you recommend. You know, the kinds they have the Oscar category for."
- Melanie Jessel

Shorts are not an entertainment form I generally care about.  But off the top of my head, there was Paperman which was just phenomenal.  Since you mentioned youtube, I also would be remiss if I didn't mention Dorkman's videos, specifically Turf, a music based little conflict that is just super entertaining.

"What is the difference between a horse....?
- Drew Turner

I love thinking about the Christmas show I directed this joke is from.  There is no answers, as there needs to be a second thing to reference with the horse to create some differences.  But I love the memories.

"What philosophical question will never be answered?"
- Drew Turner

That is an interesting conundrum, but I do believe that every question will eventually be answered, as long as time is infinite.  Every answer leads to more questions, but with infinite time, there will always be time to answer every questions, which will create more questions, so on and so on.

"If you, MC Moore, J.D. Allen, and Drew Turner were to unite to form a tribute band, what band would it be for and what would be the name of your band?
 - Kevin McInturff

Considering our musical talents, it would more than likely be MC on drums, myself on piano, and Drew and Jeff to sing.  So we need a male duo ... let's go with Daft Punk!  We would be hilariously Paft Dunk, and all our songs would be about basketball.

"Do all dogs go to heaven, or only the ones who's owners chose the correct religion?"
- Joel Gould

Unfortunately, I do not believe any animals will be going to any form of heaven, regardless of their owner's religion.

"My apartment's internet service begins tomorrow, and unfortunately it is with Comcast. How long do you it will be until we experience agonizing problems with the notorious company?"
- Nicole Clockel

I have never actually had problems with Comcast.  So I bet you will instead fall in love with its service.

"Halloween 3 - neglected classic or "No Mike Myers thus it sucks"?"
- Michael Collins

Neither, though leaning towards classic.  It is a perfectly fine horror film that is a little silly but ultimately truly horrifying.  Not good enough to be a classic, but I will never ever say something sucked because it LACKED Mike Myers.

"What does the fox say?"
- Kevin McInturff

According to Milo and Otis: "Derp derp doo, derpdy doo!"

"Follow-up question, if the above IS true (and I have no reason to think it isn't), what is the inflation rate of problems?
- Drew Turner

I believe the randomization here has hurt this question's impact.  But since problems don't have a cash value, they will not inflate.

"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
- Michael Collins

A quick woodchuck google search leads me to the answer that I did not come up with on my own: 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day.

"Who would win a Last Man Standing elimination match between Indiana Jones, the Jaws shark, a Jurrasic Park raptor, and ET the extra-terrestrial?"
- Michael Collins

This is not a match-type that exists, but the rules seem simple enough: if you get knocked down by someone's offense in such a way that they cannot get up on the count of 10, they will be eliminated.  Last man still in the match wins.  Durability helps, but the most important thing will be the ability to stand, which Jaws cannot.  He's first to go.  ET is easily next, as he is child-size and tastes like Reeses Pieces.  If the raptor doesn't get him, Indiana Jones will.  Now, raptor versus Indy is a little more difficult.  But I very much suspect that unless there was some cheating by Nazis, Indiana Jones has it won.

"What is your favorite season of the year and why?"
- Nicole Clockel

Winter.  It is beautiful, with amazingly crisp air, and the most beautiful skies.  Snow is awesome, the beach on winter is wonderful, and it has Christmas.  Winter is the best.

"Also, in America, what is the general view of the Twilight Zone?  Uber-nice cult, barely remembered ... or considered one of the great American tv shows?"
- Michael Collins

Unfortunately, most don't really think about the show.  No one thinks badly of it, and I don't even think it is cult classic.  It is more like a well known gem that everyone knows about but very few have actually seen.

"What is the exact at which more money equals more problems?"
- Drew Turner

Probably @@@@.

"Is this some kind of joke?"
- Joel Gould

Nope, I am answering everything as honestly and completely as I can.

"When will the bass drop?"
- Drew Turner

Most of the time, around the 1 minute mark of the average dubstep song.

"Does or does not the dirt do?"
- Joel Gould

I'm pretty sure dirt does not actually do anything.  It is affected by other things, but it does not actually do.

"What are, in your opinion, the top 5 magic cards that have the least synergy with one another?"
- Daniel Lees

Ok, so they need to be cards that absolutely ruin the other card.  So let's start with Counterspell.  It will ruin all four other cards, easy.  Recoup gives a sorcery flashback, and Counterspell is an instant, so as long as I put no sorcery cards for the other three, then we got no synergy here.  Patrician's Scorn destroys all enchantments, which means I need an enchantment, but it cannot be white so they cannot synergize.  Panglacial Wurm is a big ole Green Wurm that only really does anything good if you can search your library which none of the other cards can.  Oh, oh, and I'll put a land that produces black mana ... let's do Cabal Coffers.  There we go.  5 great cards that cannot synergize.

"Why are we here? More specifically, why am I here?"
- Drew Turner

You aren't.  You are "there" from my perspective.  In fact, no one is "here" except for myself, which means there isn't even a "we."

"If you could remake Labyrinth (not that you would) who would you cast from the recent years?
- Patrick Whitlock

Recast my favorite movie of all time with current actors and workers?!  Totally.  Well, unfortunately the Jim Henson workshop is no longer really working well, so I'm going to have to replace the puppets which sucks, but it what I need to do.  And CGI is getting really good.  I would love for it to be a Michael Bay style "CGI characters in practical sets" as the way it is made.  So let's cast the major characters:
  • Jareth the Goblin King: Neil Patrick Harris
  • Sarah: Shailene Woodley
  • Hoggle: Louis C.K.
  • Ludo: Vin Diesel
  • Sir Didymus: Nathan Fillion

"Vanilla or chocolate?"
- Kevin McInturff


"Who is the most underrated American comic actor, pre-1990?"
- Michael Collins

Jim Varney.  Always Jim Varney.

"What is your favorite word?  What is your least favorite word?"
- Kevin McInturff

Favorite: "Garbage."  I say that a lot, generally describing things that suck.
Least favorite: "Sure."

"What's the finest dinosaur film you've seen?"
- Michael Collins

Uh, I guess Jurassic Park.  Certainly not Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.  Dinosaur Island is an awesomely hilarious nanar film.  Land Before Time was never my thing.  We're Back is crazy.  So yeah, Jurassic Park.

"How long to the point of know return?"
- Joel Gould

I suppose it'll be as long as it takes for you to have to go to customer service at some story where you are looking for money back or to make an exchange and you can accurately estimate how much longer you will have to be in the line.

"What kind of questions do you want?"
- Joel Gould

I'll answer anything, as I feel confidently I've shown.

"Have you ever used a sundial before?"
- Nicole Clockel

Yup.  When I went camping and hiking as a boy scout.

"If basically everyone in the universe gets a Lantern power ring, regardless of color, where are ours?"
- Patrick Whitlock

Ummm, the syntax here doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  I guess our rings were stolen by some Orange Lantern jerks before they flew to us.

"Best physical feature (no other paeameters)."
- Drew Turner

I am a big fan of legs, both mine and that of hot women.

"When I'm searching for porn, am I spe-spunking?"
- Drew Turner

Unfortunately, no.  "Spe-" is not a prefix that has any meaning, which means that while we use a language that can accomdate any kind of new word creations, in this instance you would be pre-spunking.

"So Kevin McInturff thinks he is James Lipton now? =)"
- Jason Schmidt

I feel very confidant that Kevin McInturff thinks he is himself, not James Lipton.

"If Andrew Allen Turner is actually a manic pixie dream girl that lurks Jason Schmidt's online dating profile, are Trix really for kids?"
- Kevin McInturff

Trix are not for kids, as adults can also buy and consume them.  The first part does not have any bearing on whom Trix are for.

"Why don't you come to Raj anymore?"
- Artie D. End

I come by every now and again, but really I just don't have time any more.  All the folks I want to talk to are my friends on facebook, and I share my opinions on wrestling with EVERYONE nowadays whenever there's a PPV or I feel like fantasy booking or some other wrestling related thing.  I don't have time to do Fantasy WWE any longer and the next e-fed I will do will be a little different than anything I can do on Rajah's forum.  It is nice to know I am missed by some though, considering how much hate I got from most.  :)

"If you were only allowed to play one game for the rest of your life what would it be?"
- Gabriel Taylor

Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, 2nd edition.  It will always be my favorite game.  It'll be sad to leave MtG and a lot of my fabulous board games, but ADnD will always be the game I want to play over everything else if given the option.

"Are you there God? It's me, Margaret."
- Casey Brown

1) I am Jessel, not God.  
2) You are Casey, not Margaret.
3) Yes, God is there, as he is omnipresent, meaning he is everywhere.

"Is this enough questions?"
- Patrick Whitlock

I think I can do one more.

"Only one season into Arrow, why am I so addicted?  Do we finally have a decent DC series show?"
- Patrick Whitlock

ABSOLUTELY!  Arrow is still the best show on television currently for my money.  Season 2 is even better than 1, and Flash is coming to be amazing as well.  The CW shows are made by passionate people who love making these shows, and that translates.  Also, Steve Amell is a straight up super-hero in real life.  Follow him on facebook.  He just does charities for fun, does all his stunts, and is awesome.  Arrow is awesome.  I'm glad you are addicted.

AND THERE WE GO!  Hopefully this was entertaining.  It sure did take me a long time to write!  Enjoy!!  :)

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